Ok so i must admit when this all happened i was relieved but i was also sad...so last night i was angery cuz my ex who made it seem like he still wanted to be with me got caught with a whole group of girls last night and yeah at first it made me angery but then i come to realize we aren't together so why should i be when i can be out doing the same thing and hanging out with a bunch of guys...so i had planned to write him something on yahoo telling him off but then i thought why??? so i didn't do it...well he wrote to me today and yeah i was still a lil ticked and i mentioned it to him and suggested that he go talk to one of those girls and he had the nerve to ask me what was with my attitude...so if n e thing...i told him it don't matter cuz i was talkin to a doctor today and the doctor told me that if i'm so unhappy then why keep holding on and why not just let go...so i told him that was exactly what i was going to do...i was gonna just stop...stop care...stop trying...and i mentioned to him that i had a blind date which was actually supposed to be a group date but kind of a blind date and he got mad and started callin me a beezy which he knows i hate...so he starts to tell me it's over but mind you it's been over for about a lil over a month which yeah we got in an arguement and didn't really talk for a few days and then we hung out for two weeks and then we haven't really talked for about another two weeks...then he tells me to stop talkin to him while i still have a lil bit of dignity...which i'm sorry but i wasn't even trying to get back with him i was just trying to get my shyt back from him so we could finally call it quits...i mean this way i had absolutely no reason to even try to get a hold of him and he had no reason to get a hold of me and we can just stop talkin and get out of each others lives...now the reason i was sad was cuz yes i love him...i told him i love him and it's just one of those things to me that when you say it you mean it or don't say it at all...honestly i still love him even after he has been a complete and total ass to me but i realize that it would never work cuz we are totally different...the things i want out of life are things that he talks about but seems to not really care if he gets them or not...and i'm one of those ppl that work at getting what i want...the worse part is that i changed things about my self because he wanted me to and now i feel like all this was done in an effort to make him happy instead of my self...what can i say...i am a stupid girl that does stupid things when it comes to guys especially because i cared so much...maybe i should be less giving and become a bitch...maybe then i'll get what i'm looking for...it seems to be the way of the world today...either way it don't matter n e more...i'm just so tired of trying for nothing cuz it seems like that's all i do...so now i will possibly be helping a friend look for an apartment that i might live in and he just comes up on weekends...which i think it would be cool...so if he decides to he an be my sugar daddy...lolz jk...but n e who as for relationships tho...i think i give up for now and i'll just wait for my best friend...he seems to be the only one who don't play games with me and is always straight up...which is why i have been in love with that fool for the past 5 years...and if n e thing our arguements make us stronger in our friendship then arguements i have that seem to tear me away from other ppl...so i don't know it's been almost 2 years since my last serious relationship and maybe it's gonna be another 2 years before i try that again...live and learn is all i can say...
