well it's been a long time since the last time i was on and the last time i wrote a blog...there really hasn't been much going on...i started dating this one guy and he was kind of controlling which i don't know in a way it was nice to know he cared but it sucked cuz i couldn't do n e thing with out him getting mad...i don't kno i'm thinking i pick assholes but then maybe it's just me and my taste in guys...it was weird tho cuz i have known this guy for over a year we use to talk all the time and then we lost touch for a while and then out of no where he started talkin to me again...it was cool tho until he started telling me that he loves me...it's something that of course any girl wants to hear because she wants to be loved but it's something that is weird...he asked me to marry him and then things just got kinda weird from there...i told him about my best friend and that i really care for my best friend and that i would never give up that friendship again for a guy like i did before...i don't think he liked that to much but it's the truth...me and my best friend are really close and we have never messed around but he knows everything about me...so after things got weird it was basically called quits between us...i think he is totally sweet and he did everything for me...he wanted to take care of me...when i told him i want to go back to school he told me i could live with him and he would pay for me to go to school and i would never have to worry about working...so i don't kno...it's everything that i wanted but not the person i wanted it with...it's weird tho cuz i still talk to my ex...things are different now...i cared so much before about things he said and why he said them but now i'm starting to really not to care at all...it sucks tho cuz the one person i cared about and did everything for is the one person that makes me not want to care about n e thing anymore...it's confusing tho...we aren't together and i know we will never be but some of the things he says bothers me...one day he tells me that he's glad that i don't talk to him n e more and then he starts talkin to me again like nothing...it irritates me that he could be so hurtful and then expect for things to be ok...of course i'm going to ask questions i'm a girl and i'm curious...he tells me he misses me and i honestly do miss him and how we use to be but i know nothing will ever bring that back or change what has happened...i was talkin to a good friend of mine today and i told him that me and my ex had lots of good times together but then there were lots of bad times...i can't help my feelings and it sucks cuz if n e thing him talking to me again has gotten me thinking about him again but i know it's a waist of time and energy...so i went to the bar hung out with my friend and it was fun he got me dancing (which i never do) lolz we talked alot about the past and things that have happened...it's nice to be hugged and he always knows the right time to hug me...but n e who...the whole friend situation is starting to be phuked up too but i'm done with ppl who don't know how to be who they say they want to be...i need ppl who are what they say they are in my life with no bull shyt...so i'm leaving to virginia for a few days if everything works out and then i'll be either moving to beaverton oregon or i'll be moving to temple texas...either way the quicker i get out of this town the happier i'll be cuz i won't have any of the bull shyt following me i'll be able to start fresh and hopefully surround my self with ppl who are real and maybe be i'll find that someone who is my everything and i'm their everything...i'm starting to think i'll only find that if i move to texas tho because that seems to be the place where the person who i have been in love with is and will be for family reasons and i know his family loves me to no end because they say i have been nothing but good to him and for him keeping him out of trouble which is nice to know i am apperciated some where else besides right here with my family...
♥ Maria ♥
