Sooo it's a cruisy Sunday morning and I'm feeling a little evil. So here's another competition (yeah I know most of my whoring friends have already bought their autos - but it's not like you bastards aren't going to whore again!):

Rules:

• Judges' decision is final (Hellyion is a judge...if you can't delete a cheater (I've tried) make it so she can't compete)
• No discussions on said decision will be entered into (except ones that end up in you looking like an idiot for trying)
• Winner gets the choice of 3 of the prize pack. Second place gets choice of 2 of the leftovers, and third places gets 1 of whatever's left then. (It's not as complicated as it sounds, first in first served).
• Yes you can work together but you have to let us know at the start - we get confused easily.

Prize Pack:

• Auto 11s or Bomb bling
• Much-wanted, but never seen, toe salute from Hellyion
• NSFW salute from me
• Cougar bling (if it's still there - similar if it's not) for someone of your choice
• Hellyion rating all your pics (or up to 500 if you're one of 'those' people). Only real bonus of this is knowing she's never done this before. I hope Liverjuice wins this one, she needs to be punished.
• Hellyion OR I (not both, let's be reasonable here) being ingratiatingly nice to a person of your choice, at a time of your choosing, for no more than 1 (one) hour. NB: Deal is void if the person you choose already has us blocked - not our fault.
• Hellyion OR I (again, not both) having a status of your choosing for 24hrs
• The ability to tell Helly or I to shut up on 1 (one) occasion, and us actually obeying.

Yes, she is going to kill me. But she's agreed.

The Challenge:

The best fu-persona drama story EVER

To clarify - we want the biggest bullshit story you can think of. We want how 73 people died in a car crash where you were the only survivor. Your fu-hubby beats you whilst cheating on you with the gay mexican pool boy. You're a vigilante on the path of justice for the persecuted and nobody understands you. You've got 83588 diseases, but are also currently short-listed for the Nobel Peace Prize for all your saintly work with orphaned children in Rwanda whilst pole dancing for Tiger Woods on the side. You've fathered 17 children on fubar alone. Scammed out of 'insert item here'. Etc etc.

Points will be awarded for:

• Completely ignoring rationale or logic
• Stealing movies or news stories for your ideas (bonus points if we actually recognise the news story - extra bonus points if I recognise the movie)  
• Totally abusing the privacy of your children, family or significant others (imagined obviously)
• Getting as many of the key factors involved as possible (tragedy, martyrdom, heroicism (on your part obviously), death, destruction, persecution, vengeance, sex etc)

Bribes, including toe and finger salutes (hair optional), will be considered.

It'll close when Helly gets around to picking a winner. Editor's note: Never, ever, EVER give Hellyion so much as a hint of power. She goes nuts. Competition will close when judgeS (note plural up there bish) agree. Or one has been beaten into submission with a sufficiently large stick. Or, apparently, eaten.

NEW EDITOR NOTE (I'm liking this font colour change thing - yes I know this is getting beyond long)

The summary of entries thus far (in no particular order) - yell if I've missed anything -as of comment 259:

Dysskrasia - shut in, rejected by fu-prom queen, cockless because of tragic porn accident, mother dying, uncle molests him and, most tragically, never gets rated.

Suga Lips - actually every fubarian entering this competition - having eaten the original fubarian and using their name/assuming their identity/personality, whilst bribing BabyJ for fu-monies (I think this is right...it got confusing)

Sasquatch - chased across country by a lunatic, suicidal online ex

Boo - dying, chasing Sasquatch across country

Supes - dead

Dianne - fu-boy deceived by less than attractive fu-girl, home wrecking and job loss and fu-love/heart break

Joey - collecting the corpses of dead friends to keep as dolls

Blooky - a juggalo plotting to kill the wife of his lover Dr Doom, whom he met on a My Little Pony fan website, hatchets and overtones of potential paedophilia  

Hellyion - just a goddamn cheating ol' hoar.

Addendum: Yeah sue me, I don't care, I'm confused again and I can hardly read this font

I've lost complete track - I know Helly's still a cheatin' ol' hoar and that's about it.

Gotta go to work now, so I can pay all my fu-debts - keep 'em coming, and we'll sort it all out tonight (or earlier if I can skive off)

Btw, your bribery skills SUCK