It doesn't matter how many people I talk to my heart still hurts. I miss adam like I can't even put into words. I hurt so bad. I got so use to having his sweet voice being there for me. Tonight is the first night I have to go to sleep without having him on the phone. Part of me just wants to run and hide and forget how much I love him, but he asked me not to forget him not to push him out of my heart. I worry about him, his first night away from his family. I wonder where he is sleeping. I don't know if I'm going to be able to stand this pain. This hurts like losing a family member to death. I need him in Texas so bad. I don't want things to go bad for him, but I do hope that he decides that he doesn't want to live with out me. I don't expect anyone to understand unless they have recently been in love and were seperated from them. Long distance realationships are some of the most beautiful but painful experiences of my life. I hate to admit what I really feel like. I am thankful for my friends who are keeping me alive. Those who help put a smile on my face. You don't talk to someone 18 hours a day and then not miss them when they don't have a phone or computer anymore. Why did I have to fall in love its so painful. The only slight comfort I have is the possiblity of one day being with him, and him never letting me go again. He teased me and said when he comes to Texas he will show up on my doorstep. Well tonight about 11:30 there was a knock on the door, and I got up and I thought Oh my could it be him surprizing me?! But it wasn't it was the cat locked up trying to get out. I cried it hurt so bad. The only thing that would of made me feel better was to have him on the steps smiling at me. I swear I'm not going to make it. I really feel like I would rather die then endure the pain of a life without him. I'm a strong person I've endured things most have not at my age, I just feel so weak now.
