Jayded's blog: " My thoughts"

Everyone asks me why I call myself Jayded and yes I know I spell it different than its supposed to be. But to put it simply...... life, love and men have jaded me. And I honestly believe at my age everyone is a little jaded , its what molds us to who we are so I dont see it in a bad way. When you have been betrayed, used, pushed around, walked on and just plain hurt by someone it will make you jaded a little everytime. But I wouldnt trade any of my experiences cause it makes me the strong women I am today. Does it mean that every guy that comes into my life is going to pay for the mistakes of the last relationship? NO..........Every relationship that has ever ended good or bad ive learned something from it and moved on and tried to make it better the next time, its all you can do. But everytime Ive been hurt my heart gets a little more guarded and harder to get to. I dont wear it on my sleeve like I used to for someone to crush. The one that grabs a hold of my heart again will be one special person cause it will take alot of time, patience and understanding of who I truly am inside. But I will never give up on love, my heart will always be open to the right person even if it means getting hurt again, its worth the risk. I will always trust until you give me a reason not to. Once its lost, you can never get it back. I have a huge heart and I am always willing to lend a helping hand where ever I can until its taken advantage of then its no longer yours. I used to try and please everyone and I was the one who suffered for it while everyone else was happy but not anymore. . You can not be happy with anyone or make anyone else happy unless you are happy with yourself first. I used to be too easy going and let people walk all over me but not so much anymore. If I get less than I deserve from anyone Ill let you know it. Everyone makes mistakes and life is all about making mistakes and learning from them but if you tend to make the same mistakes over and over then there is a problem. I will always give someone the benefit of the doubt and give them a second chance but I have no room or time for third chances. Its taken a long time gettin here but I know who I am, what I want and where Im going. Question is, are you along for the ride?

These lonely days can really wear on a person like it is me right now. IT is hard to find the strength to keep going day after day with no one to hold you at night and make the stress go away even if it is for just a moment. I am a very strong person and have been thrue alot these past 5 years and I know I can get thru anything life wants to throw at me, there is no stopping me, I know this and so does everyone else but there comes a time when you need someone there and no one is there. I need to feel loved and have someone tell me they love me even if they dont mean it. I need to feel wanted and missed and know they think about me as much as i think about them. I want to feel sexy cause they cant get enough. I want to be that couple that goes out and makes everyone else jealous. I want to go to bed feeling safe again and wake up starting my day off right because the love of my life is lying next to me. I need that back in my life but does a love like that really exist for a second time? I dont know but I wont stop til I find it.