This is to all my friends those who know me and those who dont, Those who care and those who dont. I have never asked anything from anyone nor will I start now. This is just so I can take the time to rant and rave about my so called life. I apologize to all of you who i have not talked to latley and those of you who have even realized that I seem distant I aplaude you because I am. For those of you who know me in person you know that my life has been in shambles as of late. I just became a father in december and and the love of my life left me in the begining of November. Those of you who know the "TRUE" me know about our circumstances and the gravity of our love I vowed to her that I loved her from the moment that I met her I loved her people say that they dont believe in love at first sight to those people I say that you just havent met the right person. LOL I met her twice in one night and introduced myself twice, lol not because i was drunk or anything but because I was lost in her beauty and arua. she was the woman that i wanted to spend the rest of my life with the woman that i devoted everything to more than any one person shall know even to the extent of my own personal health for the love of her I thought that it would never end. In my entire life there has only been one other woman who has ever made me feel even close to a love like this and her and I never even dated we were just really good friends that I think both of us wanted it to become more yet somehow it never really became that yet we still remain friends. I know if she reads this she will know who I am talking about I am not going to name any names. So my sons mother tells me that there is no chance that we will ever get back together but there may be a chance that she will get back with her other sons dad this is killing me inside to the point of me having nightmares and being in a semi depressed state.....before anyone freaks out not to the point of suicide but to the point were I feel lost. lost in every aspect of my life, from social to work and even to my religion. I am not a person that can comunicate very well never have been I have never been able to communicate with the ones I love instead I confide in my friends. In this case it is really hard because none of my friends like her for what she has done to me and the person she has made me is not something they like to see I am not asking for any reasponses I just want a place to rant. I am writing this after a long talk with her today she wants us to remain friends and I cant seem to get over her enough to be her friend is this wrong am I a jerk? I just dont know what to do I know that my parents never got along when i was groing up and they were divorced it didnt really bother me much because I never really knew my mother. But I want to be apart of my sons life in every aspect I dont get to see him enough and he is groing so fast and I am missing so much. I know that I have to remain cordual with her but do I really have to be her friend. I am so lost. I have tried to go out on dates since NONE have felt right. I am having bad dreams involving her and other men with me in the background unable to do anything but watch and cry I wake up with such anger and frustration. What do I do....what do I do..... what do I do.
