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What are you waiting for?
I wish you knew…
What lies inside.
Wish I could say…
Instead I bide.
So I restrain…
When I’d rather not.
Pull myself back…
A complex plot.
Moving onward...
Not the plan.
Though I must…
Small wingspan.
Will two worlds collide again?
The answer yet unknown.
My wish; a dream, of which flies free…
I know not mine alone.
Silence echoes between these walls
Since you went away
Spring does spring, leaves do fall
I just wish you could’ve stayed
Since then, a decade’s time has passed
It’s all a blur, gone by so fast
Yet I remember that day so well
Upon reminisce, my heart does swell
You lived a good life, long and blessed
You had earned your time to rest
As time passes, the mourn does wane
Though finding sometimes, a smile does feign
I hate what falls on fragile frame
To soldier through the idled same
And what always pulls me through
Is inspired strength extracted from you
It feels so much lays rest on one
I will do for you, what should’ve been done
I don’t know when, I’m not sure how
But this I solemnly vow
No rock unturned, no dust will rest
I shall forge on, and do my best
To waters still, I will set course
With your memory, my driving force
My wish for you...
That your heart smiles true
It is my dream...
For your happiness to stream
In you I believe...
With my heart on my sleeve
Just to see your smile again live...
With all my soul I'd give
Opportune happiness follows the pain...
Just as sunshine follows the rain
I will always be here...
I will always be near...
For whatever inspires your soul aglow...
That is my truth; I thought you should know.
For what its worth…
For what it's worth…I didn't cause it
For what it's worth…I do not care
For what it's worth…You should know better
For what it's worth….Not sure I dare
For what it's worth….See new horizons
For what it's worth….Should I beware?
For what it's worth…Might have memories
For what it's worth…Or is it true nightmare?
For what it's worth…"Shoulda-woulda-coulda"
For what it's worth…Beyond repair
For what it's worth…Empty spaces full of faces
For what it's worth….A solitaire
For what it's worth…Deserving better
For what it's worth…What's fair is fair
For what it's worth…My brain wont shut up (now?)
For what it's worth…Thats never rare
For what it's worth…I wish to sleep now
For what it's worth….Maybe after verbal flare
For what it's worth…This barely rhymes now
For what it's worth…Please don't compare
For what it's worth…I've probably bored you
For what it's worth…A silly mare
For what it's worth…I want to fly away
For what it's worth…Someday, I will….I swear.
You may believe
That I am naïve
You may think you're sure
Seems you're quite immature
You believe your lies still have audience in me
Oh if only the truth you could see
The smoke and mirrors that once fogged my view
No longer exist here, get a clue
Pointing at all the drama you have stirred
Pretending it belongs to others'
...it's just absurd
Maybe you believe in your own pile of crap
But I never again will get caught in your webbed booby trap
So maybe there is a little naïveté
But I wouldn't have it any other way
To know in my soul there is a truthful "good" in others
Will take me far beyond the jaded insecurities of another
To treat others the way I want to be treated
Goes miles beyond your selfishness is heeded
So, quite possibly, you do see
A bit of naïveté, inside of me
Or, probably, you should look within
To notice your own obliviousness...
I win.
Sooo, for those of you who are unaware...
Last week I went downtown Chicago, to record for an episode on the Judge Mathis show.
The gist...
My ex boyfriend owed me more than a little pocket jingle, so I sued his ass...this is the same jackass who cheated on me with the durdy skank & married her two months after I kicked him out. I had a signed contract/promissory note as well as other evidence. Since he is in the process of filing bankruptcy for other stupid decisions he has made, my options were fairly limited.
I am not big on huge public airing of my dirty laundry, but...this was means to get the debt paid. When you win on those dumb court shows, the show picks up the tab...guaranteed funds. Can't squeeze blood from a turnip, yanno. It required his cooperation, so I opted to 'catch more flies with honey'...needless to say, he cooperated. She decided to tag along as well, since their whole relationship/marriage is based on trust and all...she didn't want him to be in the same town as me without her supervision.
Since she has been nothing but a c*nt to me from day one, I opted to put my focus on her for the drama. I felt it was overdue. I really don't appreciate freshly squeezed lime juice in my newly gutted heart cavity. Apparently, I 'deserved it'...how does one deserve lies, betrayal, and deceit, when they're nothing but good to someone...AND their children? *confused*
Bonus that I got to call that skank a "fall down, sloppy, alcoholic whore" on tv! BWAHAHA. (I swore to tell the truth afterall)
Upgrade?!???? (the whore in the middle)
I held up a freshly printed copy of this image of her for the judge...and anyone watching to see. They weren't expecting that one...maybe someone should put the drink down. (and no, that is not my ex behind her..."a friend"....*wink wink*)
WIN-WIN for Julz!!! *patiently waiting for my check*
MANY of my non-fu/rl friends plan on DVR'ing the show when it airs (couple months-ish from now - the show will call me the week beforehand to let me know exactly when) Knowing my friends, I am pretty sure it will end up on YouTube. IF its not too embarrassing...there will be a part two on this blog.
One step closer to Cali!!! Woooohooooo
As many times as it has been bruised, shattered, and broken
This heart proves resilient and is again re-awoken
With countless tears that have bled from the blue depth of these eyes
So have these soft lips also breathed many a loving sigh
Decades long worth of pain relived
Serve as refreshed reminders of new life ahead
To have ever been dumb-lucked enough to know this pure heart
Is to also know that you should’ve been smart enough to hold on from the start
Though when my brokenness first resonates, it feels like black coal
Eventually the cold hardness resigns, and you’re now part of my soul
Heartbreak doesn’t negate that a known love exists
Though walls do find themselves a bit higher as that love turns amiss
I know where my heart has tread past and present
Now my curious path meanders toward future optimistic ascent
I believe that we will always ponder the “what if…”, and you will always wonder about me
But we know that our parallel paths go no further, as our oneness is drowned by the quickly swelling sea
I cannot look behind me, I can only advance
Knowing that someday, I again will give love a chance
The scar tissue that lives deep inside of my core
Will never prevent me from wanting to soar
Hindsight is twenty-twenty, as the seemingly green hue on the other side turns its truthful shade of brown
And when you look back to see “us”, you’ll realize very quickly of your error renown
The regrets that haunt you, will never be mine; you share them with none
Because I will live on, thriving, in the loving warm kisses of the sun
Though sometimes, briefly forgotten, I know my heart is always true
My resilience has proven itself once more, as this burden belongs to only you
To those whom feel the need to lie
No matter whom it inspires to cry
You think your fibs create no harm
While you hide behind your illusive charm
The games you play, the mistruths you speak
Evoke emotion destined to pique
You invest no heart, nor a soul
When gazing into your eyes, all that remains is cold
She is someone that you’ll never forget
Whether you’ll ever actually concede regret
The grace she carries from deep within;
Will never be diminished by your fool-hearty sin
You, too, now fall in a line of witless fools
Who would give anything to rewind that fable spool
So, who do you think you are?
Leaving less distinguished scars?
It’s not fair for you to play with hearts
Your diversion will never be considered;
A form of art.
The finality of it all is closing in…suffocating me
This is so new to me, yet so real
Not so distant memories seem lifetimes away
It was false, you were never true. Fraud.
I wish I knew you
I wish more that the final drop of blood would just squeeze out
And this pain would cease
What’s the point?
Your half-hearted smile fooled us all
He was right about you
And I was so wrong
A trusting fool
It is natural for me, to keep an open door
But this is completely new territory
For I know that I cannot
And it kills me. I hate this.
The skies reflect my mood, my soul
Like a mirror…gray and bleak
I do not belong here.
Once you were my best friend, my everything, my life
Now, emptiness is my reality…deafening silence.
So, now I say goodbye…to my once dearest friend
Though it was all fiction, it will always be my shattered reality.
One year ago today, my life changed forever…
I look back, with no regrets.
It makes no matter where I stand today, or where I go from
here…
For the yesterdays will stay with me always. </3
You are in my heart...forever and always.
Happy Anniversary ....what would've been.
