Chelsealicious trade's blog: "My Ramblings"

Its time to stand up for something important. We all stand up to support our friends whether it be in a stupid fight, music, or anything else they may call upon us for. Here is your chance to stand up and make a change. Millions of babies are born all over the world premature or with some serious health problems. Some of you may have been directly effected by this, or if you know me...know someone who has been effected by this. On May 10, 2006 I was told my baby had Potters Syndrome. He was born 8 weeks early and passed away during labor. I don't want your sympathy, I want your help. 2 years later, on May 10, 2008 I will be participating (again) in the March of Dimes March for Babies (previously known as Walk America). It is a cause that I strongly believe in. It is something that is very important to me. Now for your role. You can help by either: A: Sign up and register to join. I am walking in the Carrollton, Ga location. It is 3 miles long (thank God, last year was 6 and I walked it in flip flops). But there are many many other locations. I will be glad to give rides to anyone who needs one and would like to walk with me at that location. B. Donate. Donate. Donate. Every cent helps. I keep a piggy bank that was given to us at Nicholas' funeral. From this day forward I am putting any change I have into the piggy bank and at the end of the fundraising time (you have until the day of the walk) I will collect it all and cash it in to put into my funds. If you would like to donate to my efforts then you can check out my personal page at: www.marchforbabies.com/chelsea89 Don't feel bad if you can't do either option. Just cheer me on and be proud of me when I cross that finish line again. I not only walk for my baby, but all babies. Your babies.

I posted this in a bulletin as well, but I'm not sure if anyone pays attention to them... I am walking in the March Of Dimes WalkAmerica on April 14th. This organization helps thousands of babies every day. As most of you know, this hits home with me. I am asking now for sponsors and donations to help this wonderful organization. I promise you that if you donate it will go towards a great cause. If you would like to donate please go to this link. www.walkamerica.com/chelsea89 This means the world to me. Thanks in advance ♥

Do you ever find yourself wishing you could go back in time and get a do over? I do. My sister turns 16 today. I wish I could go back starting at my 16th birthday and get a 2 year do over. I would do so many things different. But then I think of that whole 'butterfly effect' kind of thing happening. I still wish though. But, I would have never had Nicholas. And although it was a tragic thing and it has been hard, I don't regret it. Losing him I think has made me stronger, but still weak to things. Christmas is now three days away. I am getting more and more excited about it as it draws nearer. I'm like a little kid again. I see the presents under the tree and just want to dive in. I also like the fact that its the only time of the year that my family doesn't argue. That's always nice. I'm happy to be excited about something again. But after Christmas, what do I look forward to? A new year with new mistakes? Trying to lose the pounds I've packed on during the holidays? My birthday? I'm not sure. Here's to being confused. As always.

When the doctor told us about Nicholas, I thought that I would be ok dealing with it. I knew it would hurt. I'm not that naive. Losing a child is never easy. But I didn't think I would need to ask help from anyone. Everyone told me to go see a counselor. Told me to talk to someone. But my pride told me I would be ok. I thought I was ok. I was hurting. I was on track with the 'grieving process' as they call it. But lately it seemed to all change. I don't understand why I could go three months being so strong, and then seem to crumble. I know I am depressed. I stay online all day and don't talk to those around me. I walk around in a daze. I am angry with Justin just to be angry. I don't even know why I am angry with him sometimes. I don't blame him. I could never blame him. Nicholas was sick and I know that. It was something we couldn't prevent. I blame myself more than anything. I don't even know why. But I put my pride aside and called the damn counselor. ::sigh:: I'm crazy. But maybe its just the holidays.