When the doctor told us about Nicholas, I thought that I would be ok dealing with it. I knew it would hurt. I'm not that naive. Losing a child is never easy. But I didn't think I would need to ask help from anyone. Everyone told me to go see a counselor. Told me to talk to someone. But my pride told me I would be ok. I thought I was ok. I was hurting. I was on track with the 'grieving process' as they call it. But lately it seemed to all change.
I don't understand why I could go three months being so strong, and then seem to crumble. I know I am depressed. I stay online all day and don't talk to those around me. I walk around in a daze. I am angry with Justin just to be angry. I don't even know why I am angry with him sometimes. I don't blame him. I could never blame him. Nicholas was sick and I know that. It was something we couldn't prevent. I blame myself more than anything. I don't even know why.
But I put my pride aside and called the damn counselor.
::sigh:: I'm crazy. But maybe its just the holidays.
