Shadow's blog: "my poerty"

For You Do you not hear my words that I speak as I knee here on my knees? Do you not understand that I would fight for you and die for you? Do you not care that in our world you make me complete? Do you not see nothing in life ever ends so neat?Do you have need for me as I do you? Do you hear me as I weap to you? Do you draw your strength from my heart? Do you pull to have me there? Do you know I cry for you & my soul dies for you?Do you know that in my peace without you, I am not complete? Do you know that to be without you, the night seems empty & deep? Do you know that without you, I am missing a part of me? Do you know that without you...I am not me?~~~~~~JR

Destiny In my heart there is always shame... In my heart there is always pain... In my heart there is always fear... In my heart that you are no where near. In my heart a shame that always lurks... In my heart a need that always hurts... In my heart a place that no one sees, A deep and terrible need, A need so great that I just wait, A wait so near that I fear that I was never here, A wait that I am ashamed to see and yet destiny seems to control me... JR 2006

It's Amazing I find that life is amazing, how when one window closes, an other will open. I find it amazing that if you give yourself time and patience, life will settle around you and things will work out alright. I find it amazing that we learn to do so little with life, that we forget what is like to live. I find it amazing that we forget to look around ourselves and our lives, until it is too late. I find it amazing that people are so easy to point fingers, but less to point them at themselves. I find it amazing that we are give families to love, and there are families out there that do not. I find it amazing that we are given life, and we forget to use everyday to its fullest. I find it amazing that a person believes that you can fall in and out of love in only a split second of time. I find it amazing that each night when we go to sleep, we can awake to a new a bright day, over & over. I find it amazing that through pain and hopelessness, bright light can shine on even the dimmest star in the sky. I find it amazing that I am blessed to find all these things amazing, and that every day... life fills my heart & soul...to love and to live. 8/26/2006 JR

Change Here I sit upon the edge of the world and I wonder what is out there waiting in a far off place... There is a time coming, a time of change and what it brings with it will bring peace to all that it touches. It comes with its bright lights begging to be seen, and will sit inside you until you feel the need. It is patient and kind, but if it is crossed...every tie it will it bind. You can close it off, cut it from your heart but when you try you might die...should you ever try. Life around you might slowly fall apart...for using it for evil instead of leaving it be, will betray you & yours times three. All the worlds of wonder, you can cause to fall apart & start to die and dry....& blow away in the wind. All because you choose to follow one wrong rule and now you have bloodied the pool. The road back, you will never find...watch it fall apart just because you were never kind. Breaking self serving rules...binding and holding onto what should never be held, ruining it all and sending it to hell. Letting children watch myths and legends fall apart, letting them see that because you break the rules of the dreams & mists, you let them fall into deep unrest.8/28/2006 Jess

I See Could you be the one to tell me what I see? Could you be the one that helps me understand what I am looking at? Could you be the one to see into my mind and soul? Could you be the one that lets the blood stop flowing? Could you be the one who holds on to me? Could you be the one who looks into the mirrow with me and sees me? Could you be the one that picks me up and pulls me together? Could you be the one who sits next to me & pray to our beliefs? Could you be the one that will hold my wrist and pull the razor from my death grip? Could you be the one that remebers that I am no one? Could it be you that remebers that I am a shadow waiting? Could it be you that person that I am seeing in the mists? Could it be you that person that I will leave behind? Could it be you that I see from a far? Could it be you that I see from hell above? Could it be you that saves me from the person in the mirror?8/28/06 JR

Gone I looked out the window as the sleak mist shadows the earth. I see the empty space where the sky cries, and I feel pressed to go run through it, so that no one can see my tears as they fall across the pained glass. Does all of life have to feel as empty as that mist? Why can I not feel the presence of those who are lost to me? I weep with remorse in my soul, as the window fogs and my tears run down the clouded glass. Is there a time when I will forget the pain & hurt, and move forward? Will this stabbing pain stay with me always, as I am tossed aside with no thought? My legs carry me to the mist outside ....as a Master will control his slave. I walk as in a dream, as I hear thunder in the distance I shiver...the sound, the crumbling of my heart. Lighting runs across the sky like a fighting knights in a battle. I feel part of them as I fight my own demons and try to keep them from taking me back. I raise my face...the rain starts to pour... it caresses my body & becomes part of who I am. I am not longer afraid, only comforted. I raise a hand to feel the drops run down my arm as my tears run with the rain. No one to save me, no one who cares. Run away with the rain, my soul pleads with my desires. Disappear within the storm, bring it into you...no one will care. There is no one to pull you back, one one willing to be there. Cry no more, the fog folds into my soul & mind. You can not die, dare to follow me where I go, you can keep a piece of your soul. Reach out & touch me, I will keep you near, no one else will follow you dear. I turn my heart to the elements of all time & pray blessed be, as I go where I feel the need. JR

I realized today as I looked out into the water of my mind, that there were things in life that hurt me...more than I had thought. I also came to see that as I sit here in my room, as I light a candle for mood, I am of little use (at times) to my friends & family. I watch the smoke rise from the flame, and I wonder what changes are coming in my life. I know they are there...they have already begun, but seeing my reflection on the wall...I wonder which path I shall take. There are several in front of me & all seem to lead me to a different place. Here in this room, watching as the wax melts into the blackness of night, I want to reach out to a friend. One friend that will have nothing to gain or lose by my thoughts, I find that there is no one...that knows me well enough that this decision will not touch.... that I can talk to. For all the words I write & poetry I put down, I have the need to be pulled across the windy tunnel of my mind...I find I am alone. If my mind could scream, I am not sure what it would scream. If my mind could whisper, I am not sure what it would say. My heart, body, and soul are not as one right now, and I feel as each has taken a different flight. To be alone on a journey where I need a friend and a confidante, is as though the water runs through a bed of marbles rocks, and no one is there to move those beautiful rocks as they are washed away, a bit at a time. The flame reflects off a silver talisman hanging here in the dark of the room w/ me. I pray for it every night, and knowing I will go on alone w/o a prayer or a wish, as this night brings me no peace, no solace...no difference.

Some times ~~Some times I think we forget to stop and remember who we are and who we are to others. ~~Sometimes I think we forget that there are others out there for us to lean on when we need it. ~~Sometimes I think we forget to stop and be there for those people that need us. ~~sometimes I think we need take and some times we need to give. ~~Sometimes I think we need to forget and sometimes we need to remember. ~~Sometimes I think people need to be held as they struggle. ~~Sometimes I think people need to hold other as they struggle. ~~Sometimes I think we cry inside, because we feel there will be no one there to wipe away our tears. ~~Sometimes I think we forget that while we cry, there are others to wipe our tears away. ~~Sometimes I think we hurt ourselves worse than anyone else could. ~~Sometimes I think we hurt others worse than they could ever hurt themselves. ~~Sometimes I feel that people hurt each other just to have control. ~~Sometimes I feel that people forget that they have the control to keep others from hurting them. ~~Sometimes I think I am alone in this world, and I am the only one who thinks this way... ~~Sometimes I think I am not alone in this world, and I remember we all think this way sometimes.... W/ much love & thought, Jessica

A SONG ( I HAVE LOOKED FOR YRS TO FIND) There's somebody out there hurt and confused an innocent child who's being abused There's somebody out there whose heart is breaking in two There's somebody out there feeling alone A husband or wife Who's being done wrong Oh, there's somebody out there Shattered from a broken home But there's Somebody out here with arms open wide who wants to embrace you Dry the tears from your eyes He's hope for the hopeless He'll carry the burdens you bear When you don't have a prayer There's somebody out there. There's somebody out there Who thought it was cool To keep taking chances Thinking they'd never lose Now they're hooked on a feeling That's left them empty and fooled There's somebody out there Can't quite decide Whether to live or whether to die Oh, there's somebody out there Who can't get through their crisis in life But there's Somebody out here with arms open wide who wants to embrace you Dry the tears from your eyes He's hope for the hopeless He'll carry the burdens you bear When you don't have a prayer There's somebody out there. When you don't have a prayer There's somebody out there. When you don't have a prayer There's somebody who cares.

Time Remind me when it was the right time, Remind me when it was the right moment, Remind me when it was the right second in time. Tell me when the night stormed and the sky fell, when was it the right time. Tell me when the the blood pulled and the skin dripped, when was it the right time. Tell me when the earth moved and time stood still, when was the right time. Cry to me when the pain was too much to bare, when was the right time. Cry to me as the pleasure given was too much to hold in your head, when was the right time. Cry to me as your eyes turned to darkened glass, when was the right time. Wisper to me that forever never comes, when it is the right time. Wisper to me the truth of all ages and time, when it is the right time. Wisper to me the unspoken words between us, when it is the right time. Come to me and give all, when it is the right time...