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XHerBlahhnessX's blog: "About Me"

created on 08/07/2007  |  http://fubar.com/about-me/b112751

I haven't blogged in a while... partialy because of being soooo damn busy & the other half because I haven't felt like it so much cus of keeping things to myself. Not like anyone really reads my blogs as is but still feels good to let it out & I feel a lil bit of a rant coming on that I can hardly keep in. Can't say my life is absolute hell but its no picnic here lately either!! Have soooo many frustrations right now about my job it isn't funny anymore... Sometimes I wish I never came over here to help out!! Yes the pay is a bit better but there is a hell of alot more responsiblity & shift work put on me right now that is driving me to my breaking point. I tried being really strong in the beginning to help work things out. (If my boss didn't have steady in home care than he'd hafta go into a rest home which he really hates the idea of because he has a 13 year old daughter that he'd never really get to see since his bitch of an ex wife who's a nurse left him right when he got ill :( Won't even get started on my feelings on her & her evil doing lately!!)

I thought by staying I could make all the difference and make the situation better but its not really gotten any better and am feeling more used every day than the day before. Being too that I'm bnot only doing my work but doing the dam social work's job practically for her when it comes to lining ppl up for the dam night shift which she is taking her sweet ass time about getting someone through the security checks and not to mention setting up a time to sign contracts :( Not to also mention the fact that I'm the one keeping in contact with everyone and trying to keep them informed unlike her unorganized dumbass. Would go over her head but her boss is an absolute trouble making bitch who I wish would get fired to an extent cus she has her head so far up her ass its not even funny! She has let the program I work with sort of go to shit all cus of money. All the good ppl we had to work with she pretty much bullied them out of their jobs cus she didn't like that they were trying to actually help the ppl who are under this medicade/medicare waver program! All the friggen money that they save goes into bonouses at the end of the year for their cut throat asses. Only the thing with that is their gonna end up cutting their noses off dispite their face. Cus w/o the clients & the providers on this program most of them would be out of a job. We make it possible for them to get all this dam funding!

On top of that my new boss has COPD (a very bad lung condition) and is constantly smoking which is worsening his condition so he won't get better til he stops but the dumb fuck just keeps on puffing away :S A pack every day practically. Especially with that new burn chemical that puts the dam things out & than he lights up another one. He feels that since he was a farmer before he got ill that he can just blame it all on the chemicals that he worked with, & yes to a point I agree that they helped give him the COPD no doubt but he's not around that shit now & the cigarettes are the only chemical substances that he's touching besides the prescriptions. I feel sick myself being around him for this dam long. Fuck I've been doing a 24 hr shift for the last 2 months or a lil over. Not that I'm all that ungreatful for the job but I have NO life hardly. Its worse than it was before. Least before even tho I didn't make much money, I could atleast relax at home after work even if I was broke. Now I feel like I'm in prison over here and on a short leash. If I do go out to run errands cus I am responsible for the care he recieves. Its a double edges sword such as life. This job would be almost ideal if I had more back up. For someone to have the 12 hr night shift, I would do the 12 hr day, and a sub on the weekend to have that off or to have coverage in case we needed someone to come in during the week to take our shift cus something was going on for us.

For some of you that are close to me who may read this it maybe the same damn complaints I've had to you but I just feel writing things out as well as confiding on the phone with my other friends helps me get through this shit I'm going through now. Don't mean to be and not trying to be a major whiney complainer. Hell for the most part I think I've been a pretty damn good listener when my friends need one! I just need this rant to get out. There have been sooo many things going through my head lately that's for sure!!

Enough about my job for now... Not sure how many of you have seen my pics of my car that I posted up the other day. It got back into Sunday over at my sister's house while I was finally enjoying an afternoon that I had off & covered over here. My niece was having her 3rd bday party. I went over to finally spend some time with my family & wasn't planning on staying too long but long enough. Well one of my sister's so called friends backed into my car & than pretty much denied & tried putting it on other guests that were there. Needless to say have had to file it as a hit & run accident with our insurnace cus that MOTHER FUCKER didn't just come forward and take responsiblity. I wasn't mad at the party that it had happened I was reallllly upset that no one came and told me and took resposibility for it when it did happen cus their were no whitnesses unfortunately enough for me. Fuck I understand about not wanting to spike ur insurance up in these hard times & I would of worked with him so that things got fixed and everyone was happy but noooo he didn't think that was the easy way out. Instead him & his wife thought it best to try to keep it from everyone & try to through us all off cus we're possibly "stupid". Dumbfuck had the nerve the next day to all of a sudden take his car in for a wax & buff... of course we would never put 2 & 2 together to think that he was guilty at all. Now I have over a $1850 estimate for the damages done to my car cus the dumbass bent up my frame under my hood, smashed my hood down over my headlight, smashed out my light, & somehow kinked the wires in my turn signal soo now it doens't work.

The car is still drivable but have to be careful not to get caught & ticketed for it if I do try to go anywhere with it. Definitely NOT taking it out at night that's for sure! Hard to say what the insurance adjuster will say about it. They may just total it out and cut me a check to go get a dif car. Tho than I am left with a car payment depending on if I find one that maybe more than what they pay out for it. My car is over 13 years old... it's treated me well and I kind of hate to get rid of it :( If they do total it out maybe I can buy it back still and try to get it fixed later on down the line. This could turn out to be a blessing in disguise.

Well these are some of my thoughts so far for today... Have to get back to now unfortunately :( I would much rather be at home in the clean air hanging with my man!! But will rant more on that later I hope... Take Care & Ttyal!

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