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Okay, this is important. This is as close to a "Mission Statement" as anyone is going to get from me.
This was a post, in the forums, on another site, in answer to someone complaining about "dominants" that get offended, when they don't get replies to their e-mails. The thread took a few "left turns" and the poster right before me (Whose name I've edited out, here because this is NOT to ridicule or pass judgment) included this sentence as part of their agreement with the main topic:
quote:ORIGINAL: XxxxxxxxXxxxx Dom is just a title that some people hang on themselves.
This is something which I have talked/posted about extensively. This is, exactly what's at issue!
"Dom" should NOT be " ... just a title that some people hang on themselves.". It should a person that holds themselves to a certain set of standards and behaviors.
True enough, since everyone's idea of what makes a good dominant would be different, the standards would be different but, I like to think that there are some basics, upon which most of us could agree ...
Loyalty-- faithful; as to a person, cause, ideal or duty. Some may think this is subjective, personally, I don't. While my beliefs, friendships, or long-term goals may change, on some things, my duty (to be the best person I can be and to do no intentional harm to others) never changes.
Duty--Moral obligation. Once again; this is something that each of us most decide for ourselves but, if we adhere to it, I have found, that we become people with a purpose.
Respect--To avoid violation of. I don't have to hold any person (or their opinions) up to be of any particular value. I am required (by my own set of values) to not violate that person or their beliefs. I can disagree (as I frequently do) but, I am not allowed to ridicule or intentionally offend.
Service--being of use or value to others.
How many "dominants" (notice the quotation marks) are cringing, right now? How many are looking down their noses at me? Before we can become leaders, we need to know how to serve. The common belief that this lifestyle is all about me is correct, as long as I am not all about me. If I am a compassionate human being who is bent on making the world (or my little corner of it) a better place, then, a submissive who makes it "all about me" is not only serving my foolish caprices (There'll still be some of those) but, serving the community/her fellow human being. That's a good thing!
Honor--High respect; esteem. This is one that is lost on a good many people, in general. Why am I honest? Because I honor the truth. Why do I set a certain set of standards for my behavior? Because I honor this lifestyle (or my parents or whomever raised me). Somewhere along the line, people, in general have let certain things like honor slip by the wayside.
Integrity--Doing what's right, even when it causes you pain and even when no one's looking. How many people that we know can't even manage to cop to a simple truth? Where's the integrity?
Personal Courage--facing/challenging your fears and turning their defeat into your strength. We can't, as people, remain stagnant. Even if we're "happy with who we are", we have to keep evolving, on a personal level or we get dragged down into the mud.
I am not claiming that I invented these principles. Far from it. I am claiming that in order for me to recognize someone as a dominant, they have to incorporate these things into their lives/behavior.
If you take each first letter, you'll notice that a (Poetic license taken) "word" gets spelled out: "L.D.R.S.H.I.P. (Leadership)".
Are we, as dominants, not supposed to be the "leaders" of our submissives? By giving their submission, haven't our submissives said: "I want you to guide and nurture who I am and help make me into who I can be"?
I know this is going to raise some eyebrows and, Xxxxxxxx, this post was NOT meant to ridicule what you said but, that one sentence, in my opinion, is at the crux of the issue.
As always, peace and comfort,
Michael
