darkness personified's blog: "my inevitable most beautifull heartbreak..."

my angel... it's strange how i can put words down for the whole world to see and yet unable to let you know....maybe deep down in my dark torturous mind...loving you at a distance is all i live for...for without it...i may just fade to nothingness...and my reason to live will cease...does it make sense?? maybe in this way it'll be heartbreakingly (notice how i love this word?) beautiful instead of having my romantic realm shattered if it turns ugly??? .... i have no answer...whatever it is...i'll live in these beautiful illusions of mine...and be nurtured by my self pitiness and hopeless romantic notions... yours...if only for a day... rain

hi angel... even as i'm writing this...i can feel my heart shattering into trillion zillion smithereens... i'm crying silent tears...like in a song...when a blind man cries...he cries from his soul...there ain't a sadder tale... i've loved you unconditionally...but i guess it's not enough for you...and i have nothing more to give you...for loving you has taken all i have...loving you have left me emotionally drained...in ways you'll never know... my love may be unconditional...but i'm no fool...and i hate playing mind games...you lose...for there's no turning back...i'll take a bow and let the curtain fall... still...i have no regrets...for i have at least loved...and my heart has lived...even though it's a one way street up a blind alley leading to a dead end... now i've reached the final page of the final chapter...i'll keep the memories locked deep inside my heart and throw the key away... farewell my most beautiful heartbreak...may life treats you kind and may you find what you're looking for... yours...in a memory... rain

hi angel... woke up with mixed feelings...trying to grasp what i feel or think i feel...i don't know anymore...emotions are such fragile things...borderline... i am so afraid that one of these days i'm going to wake up and find all my bittersweet emotions gone...and therefore....these mixed feelings that kept the last bit of romance in my heart alive...then i'll have nothing to look forward to anymore...hence...existing and not living... i pray...to whichever god that's listening...once...just once...let me feel the reason why my heart is still pulsating...to feel what it yearns for...intense...passionate...smothering...suffocating...love and romance...till i can't breath no more and gladly succumbed ... i'm tired...angel...tired of perpetually searching for something...something i don't even know if it exists... yours...still... rain

hi angel... i've missed you...missed your voice...missed your smile...your eyes... this heart..if only you could see...maybe you're too blind to see or maybe you chose not to...either way...it doesn't matter...what i feel is unconditional... i kept asking myself...if i've come to the last page of the last chapter...what's next?? maybe you're right...maybe we'll never meet...but i can always dream... if i tear my chest apart...rip out my heart and offer it to you ...(lol...most probably you'd run away...)... would you believe my love is pure and true??? looks like it's going to be another sleepless night... somehow i'm beginning to derive a distorted..perverted pleasure from this heartbreak... i'll wait for you in your dream... still yours... rain

hi angel... it's another sleepless night for me...my thoughts are no longer mine it seems...i hate and love where my thoughts are flying to............you!!! right now i'm listening to type o negative's "angel"... and my thoughts are filled with you...your eyes...your lips...your hair...your smile...and if i could wish upon a star...i would wish for you to tell me what you feel...if you do feel...for me...if i reach out my hands...would you take them and walk with me in the rain and hold me close?... would you take them and walk with me in a field and pick me wild flowers?...would you take them and walk with me on a soft sandy beach and steal kisses from me?..would you take my hand and walk with me towards the sunset and whisper my name softly?... if i could wish upon a star... on this blog...i declare my love for you... rain...

my angel.... i don't know how long i can keep this going on...theis overwhelming feelings i have for you...i feel like it's going to overflow and drown me...i can't breathe....you're everywhere ... and i keep breathing you in...i see you everywhere...when i'm awake...when i close my eyes...keep missing you...wanting you.... god ... i'd climb the highest mountain...cross the deepest ocean...just to be with you...if only once...just once...you'd look my way...look into my eyes...you'll know my deepest secret...my deepest desire... to watch you...listening to you...so near and yet so far...reaching out and not being able to touch you....i can feel my heart bleeding...i wish...can only wish...i'll be able to find the strength to tell you what i feel...but i know it's closer to impossible...you over there and i'm over here...c'est le vie... will write again... yours...secretly... rain.

my love... was watching a japanese movie "shinobi" and i cried... i hate love stories....ironic 'coz i'm a romantic... thought it's a kind of magic/samurai thing...it's based on the 17th century...about two rival clans of warriors who practised the dark arts...the story started with both the future chiefs of both clans falling in love ...sort of like romeo and juliet...heading towards their inevitable tragic ending....he died by her sword...the ending sux...but before he died...he held her and told her "i'm happy we met"....and i cried....so heartbreakingly beautiful....yet you don't know what i feel and we've never met in person....heh....my own tragedy... take care my love....will write to you again soon.... a fool who'd rather love in silence rain

i know i haven't written to you a few days...i was away and i'm putting my words down as soon as i can... still haunted by that photograph with a soul...so many unspoken words...unreciprocated feelings... i wish i was the one to dry your tears...take away all your sadness... i'll make you a hammock out of a rainbow...weave your dreams with wishing stars...write you poetries on the sandy beach...so the sea can carry them to you wherever you may be...remember my angel...somehow...somewhere...i'm always here...thinking of you... time to say goodnight again... i'll wait for you in your dreams... yours... rain

i'm normally good with words...but now that i want to tell you how i feel...words just won't come...i hesitate...i'm so afraid my words will come out wrong...maybe mere words can't express enough what i feel... how do i start?? yes...that photograph...that says a thousand words...that photograph with a soul...it's calling out to me...does it make any sense?? i knew...right there and then...i'm heading for my inevitable most beautiful heartbreak...yet...like a moth to a flame...i'm flying...heading for my inevitable self-destruction...knowingly...yet willingly... i know not if you're ever going to receive or read this...but i want to put my feelings down in words before i become too afraid to do so... maybe...just maybe...one day...you'll come across my words...i want you to know...what i feel is unconditional...no expectations...no promises... enough is said for now... i will try to capture the words that's twirling in my mind...and i'll put them down for you....only for you... bye...for now... yours...if you'd only ask... rain