Weird kid... not striking but sexy as hell.
Something about him struck me.
Was it his beautiful mocha that attracts me?
My real son had a birthday party...
I found the answer...
At 10 PM techno ballet.
In my back yard.
I noticed. I stopped. I almost dropped my tray.
I knew what that was.
I knew it well...
The technical words have eluded me now
but it was there. Talent.
The boy was a full on dancer.
A completely classically trained male ballet dancer!
I stood in awe during my moment of surprise.
What do I make of this and why is he here?
I believe we all come together for a reason
somehow someway somewhere in time
to achieve a goal that is unknown.
there he was Techno Ballet. ICP music on.
This child. Was dancing like Barishnikov before me.
Leaping to heights unseen in years by me.
He loved to show it off.
And I would too with that talent.
My mouth gaped open. No one else seemed to notice.
I did. I was a dancer. Dancing is life to me.
To express my soul as only I could.
Here he did this to ICP
Get down with the clowns...
This boy man made me laugh like no other.
My heart was his because of dance.
His humor impeccable... His ability to use his wit to make people laugh.
I stood in awe of this wonder..
And again why me..
why bring such beauty in movement to me?
To slap me in the face?
To show my years of dance are ended?
What evil beast would dare do that to me.
My heart broke when I could no longer breathe the music in my soul.
Moving my eyes, my fingers, arching my back, pointing my toes to express the love of life?
Wrong. I learned it. He loved me to death... We spent hours talking...hours and hours...
up until dawn if the night called for it.
If I was sleeping he sat at the foot of my bed till I passed out...
He went away to Joffrey in the summer. Learned who he was...that is talent was not superior to those around him.
Well of course not. It was Joffrey... leading ballet company and school!
Instead of inspiring him it crushed him.
His web of lies, constant lies.... to everyone...
I forgave him this. Why? I didn't care. I saw someone who needed love again.... needed nurturing, inspiration... His life had been hard for him. Issues only he and I know of...
Bi racial and adopted took its toll at 4-taken form his real parents as they couldn't care for him. His extremely rich adoptive parents didn't help. Bought him everything then dropped him with nothing...
You can't give a rich kid everything and then cut them off like they can do it on their own.
he was home schooled-mother a snob. Dad a stuck up accountant.
His parents moved to Texas and he moved here. I had been his weekend Mom for a couple of years. He worked on his mustang... we had fun for a long time. Bowling and dancing and poker nites... but as times got harder for me...I couldn't take care of him. Pressures of his not dancing anymore and his extremely undeserved low self esteem... He took himself into a place where he couldn't get out. His bragging of untruths undid him. He couldn't hold a job due to his lying about everything. He always felt a pressure inside to do this. We had many talks about it. I tried to tell him he was beautiful and smart...but never found what could help him.
His dance was failing him. I was failing him...
that was when I knew I was there to help him not to be a dancer. Not the world stage anyway...
I cried one nite over it-in my room alone. The world will never know what he could have been. Only I do and his teacher. Hell his parents didn't even go to his last performance here. He was trained. So well. He could leap and hang in the air like a God. Stage presence of a straight male ballet dancer.... Damnnnnn. Many a night I sat and wondered what if I made a move on him. LOL I never really did. It would not be right. I loved him like and still consider him as a son.
Sadly we fought and he went home to his parents...This was a blessing for us both. He dances now for a Texas Ballet company off and on. We have since buried that hatchet so to speak... He will never achieve stardom. I still tear up knowing this... Hours spent talking about not dancing... I feel like we both died. What kind of evilness steals your dreams....mine and his...
I miss you Donovan. You will always be my Nutcracker Prince as I know you danced it for me.
Dance well Donovan.
