Judes aka Lady Redhara Proud Irishwoman's blog: "Misc ramblings of a mad woman. LOL"

Well here I am watching the sunrise. Not sleeping again. Been up all nite. Just pondering how a friendship ends. Is it lack of money to spend on the friend or to loan a friend? Is it lack of being physically able to run the quarter mile or even stand up? Does a friend need to lie about what they like for real? Would a friend lie to get what they want know you are a generous caring person, in effect, using you? Is it computers and games are better nowadays? No responsability on those-you can just shut them off or lie and say you have a phone call. Do friends just decide one day you are not worth anything? Is it easier to run than to stay a friend to someone who is semi-disabled or who is in serious trouble? Does a friendship end by disappearing and then wondering why they no longer choose to be your friend? Makes it easier to free up guilt over using the person in the 1st place is all I can assume. They say that when times are hard you find out who your friends really are. Does a friend just show up to hang out when they live nearby? Does a friend require payment to help a friend in need? Does a friend love you one day and the next day flip out because you need a true friend when you have told them what might happen? Should a friend be by your side 24/7 at your lowest if it is life threatening? Does a friends say what is really going on in their lives to you? What their thoughts, fears and joys are? Should a friend treat you with less respect than other friends? Do friends get embarrassed to have you around their friends or coworkers? Their family? Would a friend not going dancing with you if asked? Embarrassed to dance with you maybe? Do friends invite all their friends to their birthday and leave you out? Knowing they left you out? Even after you stopped by to take them for a drink at the bar (not knowing about the party) for their birthday and then they don't invite you to eat at the party or hang out but they go for the free drink? Does a friend care if you haven't eaten in 4 days or call to see if you have when you have no money? Does a friend answer their phone or return calls when a message is left? Do they say their phone is messing up when it seems to work and that it had been used enough to need to be on a charger? Does a real friend abandon a true friend and ignore them at their lowest point in life? How often does a friend call? Once a day, once a week, once a month? Does a friend help you when you are down and ask how they can without feeling an obligation of some sort? Should a 'true' friend just show up to see you if a party is going on? My real question is how can your closest of friends just stop acting like a friend almost overnight with no real reason being offered when asked? Shouldn't a friend be able to be honest about why? Does a friend not tell you the truth in ALL things? Should a true friend not ask what have you been up to? EVEN if they know you have nothing great to say? Or any life to talk about? Can a friend give you a date and time to do something so you are not left hanging around waiting on it to be at their convenience if they happen to remember it so they can lie and say they forgot? Does a friend come over to hang out and then leave you because a better party or better crowd needs or wants them? Would a friend invite you somewhere and within an hour make plans to go elsewhere? Would a friend invite you to a bar for their birthday drink. Another friend of theirs comes along and says they are going to a different bar. Yet you are not invited and left standing there in the dark? Not invited nor stood up for by that person to be included? Does being a 'friend' equate marriage? HEEEELLLL NOO! Should a friendship be a two way street? When one needs help they are there for you and you are there for them in all things? Does a friend forgive your faults and love you for who you are not changing attitudes at their convenience. Does a friend worry if they have not heard from you in a week? Maybe you fell in the shower or are in the hospital..... Do friends keep your secrets told at weak moments and not share them with others? Does a friend share what is going on in their life without lying? Sometimes using friends names as fake excuses? My conclusion, and tell me people if I am wrong, it is a BIG FAT NO to be friends with someone who does these things. Tell me, would you be friends if you were treated this way by anyone? Frankly, I am done being treated like a doormat . At what point does forgiving need to stop? Now is the time I needed my closest friends and most cherished friends more than ever. Now I know who really cares. I have always been forgiving. Should I consider myself a complete loser or what! At what point did I stop caring about myself to accept this kind of friend? Oh well it no longer matters now does it?

The sun rose as the clouds built Possible rain to wash the fears Cold, dreary Blank grey Skies of bland crystals Denied abilities to shine. Voided blackened swirls and no electricity unwind Pronouncing life.

Ran to the water, cold mists of coastal fog Ran to the mountains, cold snows adrift on icy banks Ran with my dreams, cold hope succumbed by my marrow Ran from my friends, cold shoulders held high in love Ran over life, cold steps of stone - flat and jagged greys Ran to nowhere, cold utter emptiness Ran to escape, cold dizzying emotions - fears accumulated Running to nowhere, cold blurred silver static.

Last night I posted a mumm looking for good places to get immediate local news. Was freaking out a lil. The good people of Fubar rocked my world with news, info, and love. I can't express how much those who talked with me helped me stay calm. And to post a mumm with not a single slam?? Well that just shows that people on this site understand and care for others and that mummers know which end is up so to speak. Update for any people checking in... Still haven't heard from my son, however, my Uncle in Nashville said all is well there. I called my Aunt in Macon county and she says there is just devastation everywhere. A church just up the road from her was demolished. A golf course by her was demolished. She is driving at this time (about 11 am PST) thru Hartsville where Columbia Gas blew up and the fire is out but the devastation is overwhelming to her. My cousin's wife's mother lost her home while she huddled in a closet but is alright herself. She said it was just black and she could feel the rain on her when it happened. She is in a bit of shock at this time. My Aunt has lost a friend who didn't make it and she knows one other lady that didn't make it. She is just up the road from my Dads lil house and she is gonna check in to see if he needs help... Her cell phone is dead now with all the calls she has made and received. Tennessee people just rock. The care shown to each other is amazing to me..... *hugs* to anyone that reads this. I encourage anyone to send donations to the American Red Cross and Salvation Army. I have been watching the live streams as they come up and they need some assistance! Even 5 bucks-your cup of Starbucks... anyway... Thank you again to everyone for last night. Fubar rocks went it counts!

In the darkness I awoke to He lay beside me slumbering Legs gently entwine mine TV off, heater on, train rolls by. My back to him Arms stretched over me One tucked under my head His breath warm on my ear my neck, my cheek. His breathing increases Snores coming on Volumes changing His sound is mine for the moment. His hand gently caressing for a brief moment and his breath became a gentle kiss on my shoulder. Was he asleep? Warmth, security, solitude, companion, lover, friend, keeper of my heart.