Inky's blog: "Need To Knows"

23; That's the number of people Mr. T has pitied in the time it has taken you to read this sentence.

Mr. T's edition of the VH1 show 'Where Are They Now' was the shortest in the show's history. It was 10 seconds long, and consisted of a black screen with the words "Right Behind You" written on it.

Mr. T is allergic to doorknobs. That's why he can only kick through doors.

The last time Mr. T went to McDonald's, Ronald McDonald greeted him. What occurred next proved to be the most violent beating of a clown ever recorded in human history.

Despite popular belief, if there is a fool in the woods, and nobody is around to hear his jibba jabba, Mr. T is still able to pity him.

Originally the A-Team was named T-Team and consisted of Mr. T and six of his genetically engineered clones driving around in a van made of pure gold. Producers changed the format after every criminal known to man was killed in the pilot episode.

Mr. T's hair style is actually a complex array of antennas that can triangulate the exact location of any fool in the universe. His gold chains can then transmit pity to those coordinates.

When Dr. Bruce Banner gets angry, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk   gets angry, he turns into Mr. T.

Mr. T made his van go twice the speed of light because he wanted to prove that quantum physics was a bunch of jibba jabba.

If you were ever foolish enough to get into a fight with Mr. T, there would only be two hits: Mr. T hitting you, and you hitting the surface of the Sun.

Mr. T's incredible greatness has been attributed to the fact that his genetic code doesn't have any A, G, or C. His genetic code is in fact, nothing but T's.

During one of his frequent time-traveling adventures, Mr. T was accosted by a horde of frenzied Olde Englishmen who believed he was "Mr. Tea" and that he was going to supply them with all the tea and crumpets they could possibly desire. With a single blow, Mr. T knocked the entire mob unconscious. To this day, English people still have gnarly-nasty teeth.

The vegetarian group PETA one time tried to establish the catchphrase "We PETA the fool who eats animals." Upon learning of this blatant theft of his catch phrase, Mr. T founded McDonalds.

Mr. T's GMC van does not travel on solid surfaces, but instead mathematical planes. In other words, it can go wherever Mr. T wants.

Small animals find Mr. T irresistible and can be found playing in his mohawk. Mr. T tolerates them because "they don't give me no lip."

Mr. T invented Asian people, because he thinks they're cute and don't take up much room.

When Mr. T has nightmares, people around him start dying for no reason.

Mr. T was once clocked at 100 fps. That's 100 fools pitied a second.

Mr. T once got into a fight with a ninja. He killed the ninja, but only after the ninja had cut off two of his fingers. Those fingers grew up to be Gary Coleman and Webster.

Mr. T defines love as the reluctance to murder. If you're still alive, it's because Mr. T loves you.

Mr. T can count past infinity

Remember, only you can prevent forest fires. But also remember that you can't do nothinÕ, because Mr. T is the one who starts them, and no one can stop that crazy fool.

Mr. T was fired from the Psychic Friends Network for always predicting pain.

 When Mr. T puts on his dancing shoes, you better start running.

World champion eater Takeru Kobayashi once ate 53.5 hot dogs in 12 minutes. Allotted the same time, Mr. T ate Kobayashi.

Mr. T was the first man on the moon, and claimed it by carving a gigantic "T" stretching from horizon to horizon. In his wisdom, he carved it on the dark side, as a warning to any aliens who might even think of attacking.