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MIND SPEW

I'M SELFISH AND SOMETIMES INCONSITERATE... I DONT WEAR MAKE-UP, I THINK IT COVERS NATURAL BEAUTY, BUT I STILL BUY IT AND HAVE A CASE OF IT LYING AROUND... IM NOT A MATERIALISTIC PERSON BUT I CANT LET GO OF ANYTHING I HAVE... I OWN 2 PAIRS OF SHOES AND THATS ALOT FOR ME... WELL 3 IF YOU COUNT MY SLIPPERS... I WALK AROUND BAREFOOT AND SOMETIMES HAVE A COUNTRY ACCENT BUT IM NOT A HILL BILLY... I HAVE 2 SISTERS AND ONE BROTHER... I HAVE GIVEN BIRTH TO 4 BEAUTIFUL CHILDREN BUT DONT RAISE OR SEE ANY OF THEM I HAVE 3 NEICES AND 1 NEFEW I COME FROM A BIG FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS ALOT TO ME BUT NOT BECAUSE I'M CLOSE WITH THE ONE I HAVE, QUITE THE OPPOSITE... BECAUSE I WANT THE CLOSENESS I DOTN HAVE... I HATE FILTH BUT HATE CLEANING EVEN MORE... I LOVE DOING LAUNDRY BUT HATE LAUNDRY MATS.. I WALK AROUND THE HOUSE IN MY PANTIES CUZ CLOTHS ARE OVER RATED... BUT AM VERY SELF CONSCIOUS... I DANCE IN MY PANTIES WHEN NO ONE IS AROUND... I HATE MY BEWBS, MY ASS AND JUST ABOUT EVERY OTHER PART OF MY BODY EXCEPT MY EYES... I LOVE MY EYES WHICH IS WIERD CUZ THEY ARE JUST EYES...LOL IM A WORKAHOLIC BUT WOULD RATHER SPEND MY MONEY ON SOMEONE I CARE ABOUT THEN MYSELF... I LIKE TO PLAN THINGS, I HATE THE UNKNOWN, I MAKE LISTS... THATS RIGHT... IM A LIST PERSON... I'M A.D.D., O.C.D., LACTOSE INTOLERANT AND SLIGHTLY DISLEXIC... I'M SURE THERES MORE JUST HAVENT BEEN DIAGNOSED... IM A HORRIBLE SPELLER BUT LOVE TO WRITE... I WANT TO BE SUCCESSFUL AND FAILURE TERRIFIES ME... I WANT TO BE WITH SOMEONE WHO CALLS ME BEAUTIFUL INSTEAD OF HOT OR SEXY, ALTHOUGH THOSE ARE NICE TOO SOMETIMES, EVEN WHEN I FEEL AND PROBABLY LOOK LIKE SHIT.... I WANT TO BE WITH SOMEONE WHO ISNT AFRAID TO HOLD MY HAND IN FRONT OF HIS FRIENDS... I LOVE PUBLIC DISPLAY OF AFFECTION... I LOVE SUNRISES AND SUNSETS... THE PERFECT "DATE" WOULD BE ONE WHERE WE SPEND NO MONEY... A PICNIC, GOING TO A PARK OR LAKE OR BEACH AND JUST SPENDING TIME TOGETHER TALKING AND BEING CLOSE... I'M EASILY AMUSED AND EASILY PLEASED. IN A REALATIONSHIP I NEED ALOT OF ATTENTION BUT NOT TOO MUCH... THERES A FINE LINE AND I DONT KNOW WHERE IT IS... I WANT TO BE WITH SOMEONE WHO ISNT ASHAMED OF ANYTHING I'VE DONE OR WILL DO OR HOW I LOOK... I WANT TO BE WITH SOMEONE WHO WANTS TO SHOW ME OFF TO THE WORLD AS HIS GIRL, NOT JUST A FEW SELECT FRIENDS... I WANT SOMEONE TO KISS ME ON MY FOREHEAD AND THE TIP OF MY NOSE. I LIKE SIMPLE BUT NOT COMMON THINGS... A BLUE ROSE, A HAND MADE CARD, OPENING THE DOOR FOR ME EVERYONCE AND A WHILE.... NOT ALL THE TIME BUT IT DOESNT HURT EVERY ONCE AND A WHILE.... STUFF LIKE THAT MAKES ME HAPPY. I CRY.... ALOT... I DONT WANT KIDS BUT I LOVE CHILDREN AND BEING PREGNANT... I WANT MY MAN TO BE AROUND... I KNOW WE ALL HAVE TO WORK BUT I WANT HIM IN MY LIFE ON A DAILY BASIS... I WANT TO SHARE EVERYTHING WITH HIM AND HIM SHARE EVERYTHING WITH ME... NOT TO HAVE A SHORT LEASH ON HIM OR HAVE HIM ON LOCK DOWN BUT BECAUSE HE CONSIDERS ME PART OF HIS LIFE AND WANTS TO SHARE IT WITH ME AS I DO HIM... I DONT HOLD IN MY FARTS, AND I'M OFTEN PROUD OF THEM... YES I DUTCH OVEN TOO :) EVEN THOUGH IM LACTOSE INTOLERANT I LOVE ICE CREAM AND CHOCOLATE MILK AND JUST SUFFER THE CONSIQUENSES... I CANT EAT PORK WITHOUT GETTING BUBBLE GUTS... SORRY ITS JUST HOW IT IS... I SMOKE CIGGERETTES LIKE A FUCKING CHIMNEY AND CUSS LIKE A SAILOR BUT I THINK ITS UGLY WHEN I HEAR OTHER PEOPLE USE CUSS WORDS IN EVERYOTHER SENTANCE... I HATE FOOD BUT EAT CONSTANTLY AND LOVE TO BAKE... I DONT KNOW HOW TO FRY FOOD TO SAVE MY LIFE BUT ANYTHING IN THE OVEN AND IM GOOD... I THINK DARK HAIR IS SEXY..I THINK DARK EYES ARE SEXY.. I LOVE GEOTEES AND ACCENTS BUT NOT COUNTRY ACCENTS... I WANT A MAN WITH SOME MEAT ON HIS BONES... I DONT WANNA BE WITH A BEANPOLE, I WANT SOMETHING TO GRAB ONTO AND PINCH AND BITE...LOL AND FEEL SAFE WHEN I'M WRAPPED IN HIS ARMS... I WANT STABILITY... I DONT CARE ABOUT BEING RICH AND HAVING A BUTTLOAD OF MONEY AND NICE THINGS... I JUST DONT WANT TO WORRY EVERYDAY ABOUT IF THE BILLS ARE GONNA GET PAID OR IF HE IS GONNA LEAVE ME FOR THE YOUNG GIRL DOWN THE STREET... I'M TOO HONEST... I TRUST EVERYONE EVEN WHEN I KNOW I SHOULDNT... I BELIEVE THERE IS GOOD IN EVERYONE AND OFTEN GET SCREWED OVER BECAUSE OF MY BELIEFS BUT I STILL BELIEVE IT.. I HATE VIOLENCE... LET ME REPEAT THAT ONE.... I HATE.... HATE... HATE VIOLENCE... IT DOESNT FIX OR RESOLVE ANYTHING AND ALL IT DOES IS GUESS WHAT?, CAUSE MORE VIOLENCE!!! I DOTN DO DRUGS... THEY SCARE ME... I'D BE THE ONE TO EITHER GET ADDICTED OR DIE THE FIRST TIME... I DRINK... NOT OFTEN BUT WHEN I DRINK IT IS ALOT.... DONT STOP TIL SOMETHING OR SOMEONE STOPS ME... I'M NOT BIG ON HAVING LOTS OF FRIENDS AND BEING POPULAR AND EVERYONE KNOWING WHO I AM... I'D TAKE 3 OR 4 SMALL FRIENDS OVER A CROWD OF AQUANTANCES ANYDAY... I'M EASILY AMUSED AND PLEASED... I WANT A GUY WHO WILL CALL ME IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DAY JUST TO TELL ME HE MISSED ME AND WAS THINKING ABOUT ME. I'M IN LOVE... THATS RIGHT.. NOT LOVE SOMEONE BUT IN LOVE AND REALIZING THAT GIVES ME GREAT WARMTH AND HAPPINESS AND TERRIFIES THE SHIT OUT OF ME AT THE SAME TIME... I STARTED WRITING THIS BLOG BECAUSE OF CONFUSION AND ANXIETY AND HAE TYPED MY WAY DOWN TO CALMNESS AGAIN... THINK I GOT EVERY STUPID LITTLE THOUGHT IN MY HEAD OUT OF MY SYSTEM NOW WHICH IS WHY THIS IS SO RANDOM AND PROBABLY DOESNT MAKE ANY SENCE, BUT TO THOSE OF YOU WHO STUCK IT OUT AND READ THE WHOLE THING... THANK YOU I LOVE YOU! AND THOSE WHO DIDNT I GUESS IM JUST TOO MUCH FOR YOU...
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16 years ago
MIND SPEW

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