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Check this out!
So, Ive been here for over 3 years now.
The other day, I'm watching in the "My Bar Tab".
Im seeing all this activity of flashing 11's & cherry bombs going off.
SO, I wait,...
...For the commotion to settle down.
It goes on for most the day on into the night.
So I wait.
So, I put in my status,...
I wanted to see just 5 people on my page.
I wait.
1 person showed up.
I looked at my list, it says I have 10,141 friends.
I Laugh!
So I look at Fans.
There are 10,200
I laugh some more.
Then I see how many Im fans of.
its 10,347
I have the regular good old fashioned 11s that come w/a vip.
Though Im just one of many who are in this position.
So,...
WTF?!?!?!?!
Just saying.
I sure I'm speak for many of us here.
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| | | I'd love the last part of many songs to be true.
Unfortunantly it isnt.
I won't be home for anyone cause he let alone no one is there for me.
Hasnt been for many year's now.
But the regrets that made me,
is too late to save me.
As far as I can tell,...
Its those talking to me with their empty words & me not understanding whats said,...
It isnt the things in my head.
It's those around me that I once trusted,
loved
&
had been nothing but loyal too.
They apparently havent a clue let alone the ability to cherish these things.
I look to the internet to fill these voids.
Lonliness brings us to things such as the internet.
When those voids can't be met.
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I bust
I bust my ass to make things good for other's.
I do so much on so many levels.
I get used, treated badly let alone given credit for what I do. Thats just in my own work life.
&
here in fu-land,
Im accused of being selfish, yet, my accuser doesnt seems to see what I do, do for other's.
&
Then uses what I do as a tool, to justify his selfishness.
Im called a theif for a gif someone else made for me.
I deal with assholes in my shout box that insist they are above or more speacial then the rest so they can be in my fu-family list.
& never seem to grasp my policy let alone conceive the concept.
Those that are in my fu-family list are there cause they earned it.
I dont ask for blast's, HH let alone real cash.
I pay for many & my own stickies & blasts.
I figure if your here enough you should be rewarded.
I spread myself thin.
In trying to make up for those whom take their time for me.
I do what I can for what little time I do have.
I come here to release, to forget about my day.
The unrealistic ideals are so truly insane.
I've come so close to deleting this account.
But after all that I've invested.
I can't bring myself to it.
But in this personal battle of mine.
There is this one motto that keeps coming to my mind.
If it takes a dollar amount to know where you stand.
Let alone to get somewhere, that merit & quality alone should be the pretence at hand.
That the dollar amount spent, is all this accounts worth.
I see whorish antics on a constant on this site.
Yet jealouse bitches & un-cultured assholes, leave obscene & rude comments on my slides & in my comments.
My personal & work life is rather full.
How hard is that to be understood.
Let alone to come to me, in some way or another, & say some of the things you say.
Do you honestly truly know me?
If you did would you dare speak to me in that manor or that way.
Would you be as kind as I am to you?
Would you understand where I'm coming from with out the information ever being a tool?
None the less, I'm sick of the double standard poor me bullshit.
The politics here are more then nausiating.
What is this all really about?
Some power hungry antics that the words rather then actions have more clout?
&
This make sense,... how?
The one thing Ive seen,... That undoubtedly,
My mind will never be changed.
Is this thing here thats is "suposedly" a game.
Is more of a houseing for the insane.
The lengths people go to, for the fu-fame.
I mean in all reality,... when in a crowd, speaking of this fu-scene.
How many people ask you, whats fubar, or to repeat its name?
Let alone other's that go on with the definitions about the fubar "meaning".
It's clear to me that those whom spend their life doing fu-time.
Honestly need to get out more & begin living a real life.
Not that, that hasnt been said a million times before.
Oh I know, venting all this here & now is about as useful as me getting up from here and slamming my head into the nearest door.
But I do beleive this is what blogs are for.
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I knew better. But wanted to trust you & give you the benefit of the doubt.
Thought that maybe you were one that was different, one that stood out?
Stupid me. Sorry my bad.
I gave the benefit of the doubt to the wrong cad.
I only write due to the thought of whom you are, & your mind?
Why on earth would you had wasted so much time?
Im sure there are a million bitches here online.
That would of loved to had gotten you off, in the way you like.
For now that puzzles me, Makes me think your sick.
That you would go so far, just to play with your dick.
You really had me going, made me nearly think "oh shit is this it?
I loved that feeling the giddy girl you brought out in me.
I should of known better then to be so easy.
Next I will learn if anything at all of you.
Is your really married & this is the only release there is for you.
Or some wacked Jerry Springer shit!
You simply made it clear,... You just didn't respect me.
I knew that was the risk I was taking.
You helped me with that. Its clear you've much practice in that.
Thanks for compounding my lack of trust & enforcing the impact.
Antoinette
aka
B.E.A
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Halloween Theme - Techno Remix
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I was raised with tattoos, on my mom & many around me as a kid.
I started designing them at age 9,... my mom did the gang thing in the 60s.
By the time she was 50 she came to me & was ready to have her right top of her arm & that wrist & hand to be covered.
I designed an elegant beautiful vine of roses of assorted colors.
She had her hand tattooed between the thumb & index finger just above the wrist, then her wrist & then the top part of her arm.
A bushel of roses on her arm & bud w/one open rose on her hand with vines wrapped over her wrist,& wrapped around 3 times to cover the old gang marks.
Now she shows them off very proud & feeling very beautiful.
When I was a kid she was ashamed & hid them, She was pained by them.
I learned one valuable thing in regards to tattoos.
If your ever to get one.
Design it yourself.
Be sure to place it where you know no one will ever get a chance to see it unless you want them too.
I now have 27 different tattoos that I call my totem.
I have designed each one to depict things to me & in my life.
Recently, I got one on a whim.
In Sargarties, NY By Marky Marks!
I kept to my own rule in the lesson I learned as a kid.
But it said it well for the last decade of my life, in one word,...
I had done in Japanese.
"Ouch!
Its at the nape of my neck, top of my back in the middle.
&
I don't care what anyone thinks.
In anyway,... this goes along with the
"choice"
B.s. in abortion.
If anyone says "yes" to making it illegal.
That leaves the door open for restrictions as deep as ink.
Thanks for reading.
*smirk*
I will post pics of my tats here. Though they are old pics there are some in my pic files.
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