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What are you waiting for?
Come with me and take my hand
Walk my path as seen
Through the mist of gloom
Entering into a melancholy world
A forlorn world of nightly horror
Enwrapping my every thought
Suffocating breaths from within
Forcing me to succumb to the night
My last thought, a prayer
My "guardian angel"
Who is he…you
A reminisce of you
You were my hope
Sent to save me before
Warm, inviting, compassion, love
I knew you
Deep, captivating eyes with a warm, inviting smile
When you would hold me close I felt safe
Trustingly, I knew you, where did it go
I don't know you, a distant stranger
What happened to me, us, who am I
Who are you stranger, angel or devil?
Never appreciated or identified
That is why you can't help, save me
Blackness darkened by the pain of my confusion
Tangled in the vines of love now lost
Lost by self hatred and destruction
Growing colder your fingers slip in mine as I fall
Slipping to an immortal doom of failure
Of self, from good to a loathful being
Incapable of moral emotion
From the affectionate, devoted amor you "knew" now…
Cold, despondent, heartless… gone with memories and this
Dear savior, stranger, angel, devil…
Why didn't you try? You saw me turn and the path
I was falling down. You said you loved me, and I
trusted you. What was it? Did you not notice or
listen… or maybe I wasn't good enough. I know
what I was, what I wanted to be but what was it?
I loved you but maybe that wasn't enough…
Love,
The girl left undiscovered
Dear Secret Person,
Once upon a time you were just a mere person
No one special, another guy I exchanged smiles with
And a few fun laughs along the way
That is until one day I truly listened to your words
That day I learned that you were no longer that mere person
Rather a character I found positive attributes in
So I strapped myself in for the fast ride of your life
Knowing the sharp turns and unexpected bumps would drive me ahead in life
Slowly I opened up to you allowing you to view the naked me
Without my known persona and masked disguise
And in return you shared your goals, hopes and ambitions
Trusting that we could help each other grow hand in hand
We became trusting friends that Aristotle described
Meaning our true selves and actions bettered each other
A true friendship is when two can learn and encourage one another automatically
And unknowingly we became just that
I am still young and have many years of learning ahead
But because the opportunities I found in you, I grew
You allowed me to learn, question and think without criticism
Yet you told me when my quest to know all went too far
Our future is as certain as a flowing river
But the possibilities are endless
I pray each night I dont take your help for granite, because
You opened my eyes, gave me the key and taught me to drive in my own direction
With all my love and care,
The appreciative person
A sigh of relief herd across the field
With a sweet sent of self satisfaction
As sure as the sun rises and the stars shine
Hope continues to flood the mind with passion
Ideas blossom waiting for the encouragement to grow
Hope and love give the buds life
Allowing fore ideas to prosper into flowery fields
Waiting to be harvested and admired
Alas the spring storms stroll in to crush all hope
Thunder and lightning clouds the mind, blocking ideas
Until the rush of rain floods the fields
All hope seems dead
But as sure as the grass will grow one bud will blossom
The one who keeps the hope alive and throws in all energy
That one idea, concept and being will then claim victory
For it has risen above the challenge of nature and done the impossible
Let the truth be known by the twinkle within
With a warm smile and doe eyes
Opening up to the world around
She sees herself for who she is, who she will be and knows
Its her time to rise above all obstacles, her past
A new beginning with a chance to recreate
To allow her self to grow, create and imagine
And hope that her dreams become reality
She acknowledges herself for who she really is
And for once is happy with the reflection shinning back
When she smiles she knows its right, the right time to shine
To be everything she is and not hold back
She said she didnt care and put on her happy face
But today is different because her smile is sincere
And she shows her true self, the one she had lost is back
Knowing everything is going to be ok...
K2L*6/4/06
You walked through the door to hold me tight
Laying there saying its all right
What happened to the times we shared
Like in the beginning when you really cared
The only fault was your sweet and caring heart
Until one day you just fell apart
From helping anyone who was in need
To a life of drugs and dealing weed
I told you my darkest secrets of life
And you sliced me apart with a double-edged knife
Only to stand back and watch me bleed
Knowing you wouldnt give me at all what I need
How could you just not care at all
And leave me alone without even a call
Are you so bitter and desperate for more
That you changed who you are to your very core
Your friends tell me to leave you and dont look back
They say your becoming a failure and thats a fact
So tonight I will close my eyes walk away
For you my love my heart will pray
I cried... lastnight, tonight. I cried. Anyone who knows me well knows I don't cry alot. It makes me feel weak, powerless and childish. Why now... Why after everything was finally starting to be ok did i crack again and downspiral like this? There is so much to deal with between family, school, health, friends, relationship and usually i balance it just fine. I take care of my friends, family and myself but something went wrong and now everything came crashing down.
There are two people in particular who are in similar situations who i luv to death. One has been my rock though everything and it kills me to see him hurt. He is my best friend and my brother. I cried lastnight and i know it was partially for him. I can't stand to see him hurt. Another is one of the sweetest people and I haven't been close with long so I am confused. I don't know how to handle it. I dont' know what to do, or even if I was the thing, the last blow that caused him to crack. What do I do?
I have always been fine and able to calmly, rationally and quietly pull myself together but this time is different. What makes it different I don't know. I dont' have that person to take care of me and tell me I will be ok or the support of loving parents that hold you when your sad but still. Alot of people don't have that. I am so confused, hurt and hate it, yet don't know where to turn.
I think i know who i need but unfortunatly that person won't help me anymore. That person has finally locked the door as I was ready to knock.
Why is it always me!
Why is it always me
The one that is never good enough
And the huge disappointment to all
Sitting here in this chair alone
I wonder when I will fall
Why is it always me
The one who picks up others lose ends
And tying their lives together
With no one to take care of me
All this seams so unbearable, so hard to weather
Why is it always me
The one who dreams of her final days
And counts down till she can begin again
The chance for the rebirth of her soul
Is again her ultimate sin
Why is it always me
The one who fights for her own destruction
And never seen for her true good
Truth, honesty, passion, all a double edged sword
Rising her to the ultimate height then stabbing her below where she first stood
Why is it always me
The one so use to the let downs
And being told she is the main problem
She is so use feelings, guilt, and pain
So why does she not understand them
Why is it always me
The one fighting for her change
And believing it is all wrong because of her
When she knows that's not the point at all
Instead she is the scapegoat built to endure
Why is it always me
The one who knows its time to let go
And abandon all she knows
The time has come to build the foundations of life
Through the depths of her soul, her strength, her character, her go
Why is it always me!
K2L*3/26/06
Me
Lay me down, and burry me deep
With secrets of you I will always keep
Like last springs bloom my love forgotten
Leaving my crying heart again untouched
Cold nights to weeks, and weeks to months
Hopes to uncertainties, uncertainties to doubts
Am I so horrible to be left on the outs
That shining prince in armor will never see me
Oh mirror mirror on the wall
Please show me the awful person I am
Give me strength so I can walk tall
And guide me to one who will break my fall
Let him be the sun that thaws my cold heart
The key to open my heart to love
Or the one who enables my soul to trust
Let him be the one who completes me
