luvablebitch's blog: "me"

I cried... lastnight, tonight. I cried. Anyone who knows me well knows I don't cry alot. It makes me feel weak, powerless and childish. Why now... Why after everything was finally starting to be ok did i crack again and downspiral like this? There is so much to deal with between family, school, health, friends, relationship and usually i balance it just fine. I take care of my friends, family and myself but something went wrong and now everything came crashing down.

There are two people in particular who are in similar situations who i luv to death. One has been my rock though everything and it kills me to see him hurt. He is my best friend and my brother. I cried lastnight and i know it was partially for him. I can't stand to see him hurt. Another is one of the sweetest people and I haven't been close with long so I am confused. I don't know how to handle it. I dont' know what to do, or even if I was the thing, the last blow that caused him to crack. What do I do?

I have always been fine and able to calmly, rationally and quietly pull myself together but this time is different. What makes it different I don't know. I dont' have that person to take care of me and tell me I will be ok or the support of loving parents that hold you when your sad but still. Alot of people don't have that. I am so confused, hurt and hate it, yet don't know where to turn.

I think i know who i need but unfortunatly that person won't help me anymore. That person has finally locked the door as I was ready to knock.