I SMILE MORE KNOWING U JGG3R MANS CT WIF...'s blog: "Me and all my thoughts"

Do you know what its like... To be loved so completely... So deeply... That no matter what you do... No matter what you say... They forgive you... Understand that deep down... You don’t really want them to go away... Do you know what its like... To be loved in your darkest hour... When your heart is in such despair... And you really don’t care... What happens to you... But someone else does... And they don’t mind...just sitting close... Not saying a word... Just by their presence... Letting you know... You are not alone... Do you know what its like... To push someone away so hard... But they keep returning... Saying to you in soft whispers... I don’t care if you don’t love me... I love you so completely... So deeply... That no matter where you hide... I will find you... And make you mine... Do you know what that does to your heart... To be loved like this... Is every woman’s dream... Then why is it I have nightmares... Why do I fear to trust in this love you feel for me... This love you try to share with me... This love which frightens me... With every fiber of my being... I fight your love... And lose... Everyday I see your face in my mind... And feel your love in my heart... Hear your voice in my ears... Always whispering... I love you so much... To be loved like this... Makes me smile and cry... Weep that I can’t bear... To love you this much too... ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ this one is from some one els.. but i felt it so much.. i found this poem in aug of 06

if i leave this earth who will be there at my resting place. who will be there with the rose to lay on my casket will you say goodbye and shed a tear or will you just go on with your day today will you remember the good or bad of me or will you scream to god to let me stay if you remember me what will you say when you come to my side to say your goodbye what will you tell me will you say i miss you or just look at me and say thank god she is gone if i leave this earth what will you do am i some one you will remember when a song is playing or will i be that one you forgot does my smile come to your mind or was it as if i was never there what would you do if i leave this earth tomorrow will you cry for me ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ i wrote this in december.. i can remember that pain i felt in my heart.. i lost my grandmother that nov on the 21.. an i hate that feeling i had..

IN THE LAST FEW DAYS.. THIS IS THE SONG THAT EVERY PLACE I WAS IN TEXAS.. AN EVERY TIME I TURNED THE RADIO ON.. ITS WHAT I HEARD. AN THIS SONG IS SO TRY.. AN SO ME.. WHEN I HEAR IT.. I GET THIS NEED TO GO BE THE GIRL I WANT TO BE.. SEE WHEN I WAS A GIRL.. I WOULD FALL OFF TRACK ALOT.. BUT WOULD ALWAYS GOOD BACK TO GOD.. I DONT CARE IF U DONT GO TO CHURCH EVERY SUNDAY.. BUT I KNOW THAT I DONT HAVE TO GO.. I KNOW THAT HE IS ALWAYS THERE.. PUSHING ME TO HELP OTHERS AND LOVE HIM.. AN I DO.. AN THOUGH RIGHT NOW I HAVE BEEN HAVING SOME REALLY BAD TIMES.. I SAW THAT I FORGOT ABOUT HIM.. WHEN I KNOW THAT MY FAITH IS ALWAYS BEEN STRONG FOR ME.. AN HE WANTED ME TO LISTEN.. AN IT TAKES ALOT TO GET ME TOO.. AN I GOT THIS MESSAGE YESTERDAY.. IM OFF WORK NOW.. TAKING CARE OF MY TWO BOYZ.. TILL I CAN GET SOME THINGS TOGETHER.. AN I HAD TO TAKE MY TRIP TO MY PLACE I CALL HOME.. AN SEE MY SELF AGAIN.. AN ON MY WAY HOME YESTERDAY.. I HEARD THIS SONG AGAIN.. AN I FELT LIFTED.. CAUSE IN THE RAIN I LOOKED AT THE TWO PEOPLE THAT ARE GONE NOW.. AN REMEMBERED MY SELF.. THE LITTLE GIRL THAT RAN SMILING AND LAUGHING EVEN IN BAD TIMES.. AN COULD FEEL THEM WITH ME.. HOLDING ME AS THEY ONCE DID.. AS THE SKY CRYED FOR ME.. I KNOW IT WOULD BE OK FOR ME.. I HAD TO FALL AND BE SCARED TO DEATH.. TO KNOW THAT IM NOT ALONE.. I MIGHT STAND ALONE.. I MIGHT SLEEP ALONE. I MIGHT EVEN SCREAM AND CRY MY SELF TO SLEEP EVERY NITE ALONE.. BUT I HAVE HIM AND ALL THE PEOPLE THAT LOVED ME ABOVE ME.. WATCHING ME.. BEING MY ANGELS.. NEVER TO LET ME NOT BE SAFE.. AN IM NOT WHO I WAS ONCE.. BUT WHO IS.. WE ALL CHANGE.. BUT I KNOW MY HEART AND SOUL ARE AT PEACE ONCE AGAIN.. AN TOMORROW WILL BE SUNDAY.. AN I WILL BE IN CHURCH SINGING MY HEART OUT AGAIN.. I NEED THIS TO HELP ME.. SO IM SHARING THESE SONGS THAT ARE HELPING ME WAKE UP.. AND KEEP GOING.. AN I MUST SAY.. THANKS U GOD.. CAUSE I KNOW U HAVE A PLAN FOR ME.. AN I KNOW U HAVE BROUGHT GOOD THINGS TO ME.. A WONDERFUL PERSON, A GREAT JOB, WONDERFUL KIDS AND YES A FAMILY THAT EVEN AT TIMES MAKES ME SAD AND HURT.. IS THERE WHEN I FALL.. SO THANKS.. IM NOT SAYING GOD IS THE ONLY REASON IM OK RIGHT NOW.. CAUSE I HAVE SOME ONE THAT HELPS MORE THEN HE WILL EVER UNDERSTAND.. AN I KNOW ITS A GOOD THING TO HAVE HIM IN MY LIFE..

Today i thought i would work on my divorce papers.. an well i must say.. its brought thoughts to my head.. i never though that at my 10 year aniversery i would say.. Goodbye to my once best friend.. I have spent a decade with him.. its funny cause i know that in my heart we where ment to be.. i could see our lives.. watching our kids grow together.. us being old together too.. but its so heart breaking to know. that here i am.. livin with my mom and her husband.. with two kids that are under 6 years of age.. an geting a divorce.. i never saw that when i fell in love with him that day.. today i talked to him.. an i missed him.. then he reminded me y we are here.. i was telling him about our son who is really sick.. an he said i was being a bitch and i should have not called him to tell him about it.. yeap ASS .. so i hung up on him.. its hard some times cause he is all i know.. an know i want to move on and see new ppl.. its hard with my life how it is right now.. i remember when i smiled every day and woke up happy.. an now i go to bed crying and crying on my way to where ever i have to go that day.. not cause of the divorce but cause its so hard for me and my kids.. sadly i carry that pain with me every where now.. an so the little bit of friends that i have get it too.. my family hear it.. im a walking bomb for pain, hurt and the thought that i failed..no my marriage.. i worked on that.. then gave up two years ago.. but i feel im failing every one i know.. i know that i must bother my friend to always have me around or calling.. i know im not that chrissy that smiles alot and laughs.. its sad though.an right now im lookin at my papper work.. an i see that i really dont know shit about him.. i use too.. but i learned to forget things to help me move on.. i do wish that me and him did work.. we both talked about how.. if we never had kids.. how we would have been together forever.. an he is right.. kids add pressure to ur every day life.. but i do know that i would never trade my two kids for the world. atlest i had some good times with him and we have had two great boyz.. wish my others 2 could have made it.. we both miss them.. any ways..

I stand before u.. Alone and showing u all of me.. My scared body to match my scared heart.. You see me as I am.. U see the pain i carry.. The pain people before u can cut in to me.. The fear in my eyes.. You can hear me take my shakie breath.. As i let u look at me.. I close my eyes to try and stop my tears.. Yet when i open my eyes, there u are standing before me.. Looking at me with such care and understanding eyes.. You see into my heart and soul.. As if you are my other half.. YOu see how scared i am.. How unsure i am to let u see me.. Yet here you are standing before me.. You reach for my hands.. An i start to cry.. An as i look in to your eyes.. You tell me softly.. That it will be OK.. I think to my self.. Why does he still stand here before me.. Then I look up at him.. I see that smile that makes my day.. I see that glimmer he has in his eyes when he looks at me.. The things that are better left unsaid..An i feel my heart beat again.. an my soul feels at peace.. You pull me close to your chest.. I hear your heart beat.. An here we both are.. In one anothers arms.. Then it comes to me.. Why you and see me as i am.. With out walking away.. It is because you, your self has that very pain.. You know how to push some one to make it.. An i feel blessed to call u friend.. Only a friend can look at some one.. As scared as me and still tell her.. You will be ok.. You are not alone.. An dont forget that.. I then smile.. Look up at you.. An all i can say is.. THANK YOU FOR ALL YOU DO FOR ME.. You are my friend that stands with me.. An know i will stand with you too.. We both have stood alone and scared to show our true self.. Show that pain and how bad it hurts.. Even now.. Im glad to have such a friend. That knows how i feel. With out telling u.. You just know.. So thanks for being my friend.. I will be there when ever u need me.. or when every u dont.. Thanks for the pushes u give.. I only hope i push u as well.. thanks again chrissy

U KNOW IN A MONTHS TIME.. I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD BE HERE.. FOR SO LONG I WAS A GOOD GF AND WIFE TO MY X.. I MEAN THE FUCKER WAS TREATED WELL.. I KNOW HE WOULD CHEAT ON ME AND I STILL WAS THE GOOD GF, THEN THE GOOD WIFE..TRYED TO BE AS PERFECT AS I COULD BE FOR HIM.. I LEARNED SLOWLY THAT I WAS JUST NOT GOOD ENOUGH.. NEVER HAD A GOOD MAN BEFORE.. I WAS THE GOOD GIRL THAT JUST GOT THE BAD BOYZ.. SUCKS TOO.. CAUSE ITS MESSED ME UP.. MY VIEWS ON RELATIONSHIPS, LOVE, LIFE WITH SOME ONE, AND TOUGHT ME NOT TO TRUST WELL.. THERE ARE TIMES WHEN IM ALONE I LOOK AT MY SELF.. AN START TO TRY AND SEE IF ITS MY BODY THAT MAKES MEN WANT OTHER GIRLS.. I MEAN I HAVE SOME TRICKS THAT ROCK.. IM TOLD IM GREAT IN BED.. SO I KNOW ITS NOT THAT.. SO MAYBE ITS MY LOOKS.. MAYBE IM JUST NOT PRETTY ENOUGH TO STAND BY IN PUBLIC.. CAUSE I KNOW IM A LOVING PERSON. VERY CARING.. I GIVE MY ALL TO SOME ONE I LOVE.. ITS HOW I AM.. SO SEE IT HAS TO BE LOOKS.. I MEAN IM NOT THE BEST LOOKIN THING TO LOOK AT.. I MEAN U ALL SEE MY PICS I TAKE.. I TAKING GREAT PICS.. BUT THERE JUST PICS.. THEY ALWAYS FIND THE SMALLER, YOUNGER, SMARTER, MORE NOT ME GIRLS.. LIKE MY X AND HIS LAST FLING.. I MEAN HE SAYS IT WAS NOT ONE.. BUT NOT WHAT I SAW, HEARED, WAS TOLD, AND THEN SOME.. SHE WAS YOUNGER, IN THE ARMY, SMALLER, I DONT THINK SHE WAS THE GREATEST THING TO LOOK AT, BUT IM NOT HIM.. AN THERE I WAS WITH OUR SECOND CHILD.. PREGNATE AND ALONE WITH MY OLDEST SON.. WHILE HE LIVED OVER AT HER MOMS FOR MONTHS.. NO MATTER WHAT I DO.. I MESS THINGS UP.. SEE 5 YEARS AGO.. I GOT SICK OF THE GOOD GIRL SHIT.. KEEPIN MY MOUTH SHUT.. SO I TOLD HIM WHAT I THOUGHT.. THEN I JUST SAID FUCK IT. AN I WOULD GO OUT AND HANG OUT ALL NITE.. JUST TO MAKE HIM GET THAT IF HE DOES NOT STOP IM GONE.. AN I WILL BE FIND WITH OUT HIM.. SO HE ALWAYS THOUGHT I WAS CHEATING.. BUT I WAS NOT.. NOT TILL I SAID IT WAS OVER IN MY HEAD.. CAUSE 2 YEARS AGO. I HAD ENOUGH PAIN BY THIS MAN.. AN U KNOW WHEN I TOLD HIM ITS OVER A 2 MONTHS AGO. U KNOW HE KEEP WANTING ME TO STAY WITH HIM A WORK IT OUT.. AN ALL I COULD THINK OF WAS WHAT A FUCKIN FOOL DO U TAKE ME FOR.. AN NOW HERE I AM HURT SO BAD THAT I DOUT MY SELF.. I LOOK IN THE MIRROW AND SEE HOW HE DAMAGED ME..HOW ALL THE GUYS HAVE DAMAGED ME.THEY MADE ME THINK IM NOT WORTH ANY ONE.. AN I FEEL IM NOT.. U CAN TELL ME IM THE BEST IN THE WORLD AND IT WONT GO ALL THE WAY IN MY HEAD.. AN I DONT THINK IT WILL CHANGE.. I HAVE BEEN TOLD IM NOTHING FOR SO LONG.. THAT WHEN SOME ONE SAYS IT NOW.. I TEAR UP CAUSE I WISH I COULD SEE WHAT THEY SEE.. AN HERE I AM WISHING I COULD HAVE A GOOD MAN TO LOVE ME SO I CAN BE GOOD TO HIM.. CAUSE IM THAT PERSON THAT DOES NEED SOME ONE IN HER LIFE.. I FEED OF PPL.. AN WHEN IM HAPPY WITH SOME ONE OR IN LOVE.. IM MORE HAPPER.. I REALLY AM.. ITS SAD I KNOW.. AN I DONT NEED ANY ONE.. THAT WHAT UR THINKING.. BUT I HAVE ALOT OF LOVE I NEED TO USE.. CAUSE I FEEL LESS OF MY SELF NOT GIVING THAT TO SOME ONE.. SAD I GUESS. BUT ITS HOW I FEEL.. U KNOW I KISSED MY X HUSBAND ON JULY 5TH. UNDER A TREE AND I KNOW I WOULD LOVE HIM FOR EVER.. AN I DO STILL LOVE HIM.. THERE IS SO MUCH PAIN THAT I CANT LOVE HIM LIKE I DID.. AN ITS BEEN 10 YEARS.. AN IN THAT 10 YEARS.. I LOVED HIM WITH MY FUL HEART.. AN WHAT SUCKS IS.. I FELL AGAIN.. AN CANT EVEN HAVE THIS PERSON.. HE MAKES ME FEEL BETTER ABOUT MY SELF.. AN THATS A GOOD THING.. I JUST HOPE THAT LIKE THAT TESLA SOMG.. LOVE WILL FIND AWAY BACK TO U, I KNOW.. I KNOW ONE DAY I WILL HAVE MY GOOD MAN.. HAVE TO RIGHT? ANY WAYS.. I KNOW U CAN SEE HOW RANDOM I AM.. SORRY ABOUT THAT.. JUST ALOT RUNING AROUND AND ITS DRIVIN ME NUTS.. HAVE A GOOD ONE

Love Song" as recorded by Tesla So you think that it's over Say your love has finally reached the end Anytime you call Night or day I'll be right there for you If you need a friend CHORUS: Yeah Love is all around you Love is knocking outside the door Waitin' for you Is this love made just for two Keep an open heart and you'll find love again I know you'll find love again It's gonna take a little time Time is sure to mend your broken heart Don't you even worry Pretty darlin' I know you'll find love again [ Lyrics provided by www.mp3lyrics.org ] CHORUS: SOLO Love will find a way Darlin' Love is gonna find a way Find it's way back to you Love will find a way So look around Open your eyes Love is gonna find a way Love is gonna Love is gonna find a way Love will find a way Love's gonna find a way Back to you Yeah I know I know I know I know ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ THE WAY IT IS Doesn't matter who gets the best of who, or who can hurt who the most, no It never was meant for it to be that way, never should be that way at all [ Chorus: ] The way it is, that's the way that it goes, happenin' day after day, yes That's the way it is, that's the way that it goes Workin' in the strangest ways Even though we could never seem to work things out I still love you just the same, I do I miss your smile and that sparkle in your eyes You're so beautiful, never change! [ Chorus ] What it is, and what it was, what shall be shall be, yeah Sometimes it happens in the strangest ways Sometimes it's hard to believe (do you believe?) Do you believe, can you believe? The way it is, that's the way that it goes Workin' in the, workin' in the strangest ways [ Solo ] Now it really don't matter who, who gets the best of who It never did and it never will, no It never was meant for it to be that way, why must it be that way at all? [ Lyrics provided by www.mp3lyrics.org ] The way it is, that's the way that it goes, happenin' day after day, yeah yeah That's the way it is, that's the way that it goes Workin' in the, workin' in the strangest ways That's the way it is, that's the way it is That's the way it is, that's the way it goes, yeah Yeah, that's the way it is, that's the way it goes That's the way it is, that's the way it goes I see it happen day after day, yeah, yeah Now I'm workin' in the strangest ways Yeah yeah yeah yeah, yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah [ Solo ] Can you believe, do you believe? Do you believe, can you believe? That's the way it is, that's the way it is, yeah yeah yeah That's the way it is, that's the way it goes, yes it do Alright! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ PARADISE Hold me close now, hold me tight, don't let go of me tonight You're all I want, you're all I need Hold me close now, hold me tight, and don't let go of me tonight Sweet paradise, yeah How I love all of those crazy little things you've said and done for me You're the one for me Darlin', dry your eyes, I can't stand to see you cry Now just turn and walk away, don't look back when I say goodbye paradise Days go by and life goes on, I feel I've been away too long What I would give to be with you, days go by and life drags on Feel I've been away too long, for much too long, yeah And all the while that I'm away, don't let our love fade away Don't you fade away Now as sure as the sun is gonna shine, the day will come Now I'm waitin' for the day, there'll be no more sayin' goodbye paradise My sweet paradise, you are the reason why it tears me up inside And I break down and cry, didn't wanna say goodbye paradise [ Lyrics provided by www.mp3lyrics.org ] I'm comin' home to you tonight, comin' home to you tonight So hold on tight, tonight I'm on my way back home to paradise I'm so lost without you, I can't live without you I've been away too long, now, tonight I'm on my way back home to you My my paradise, my my paradise To hold you in my arms, you're all that I adore To see your smilin' face as I walk through the door I'll never say goodbye again, no [ Solo ] Hey, we're Pogo! Oh, okay. Here we go As a matter of fact, this song was wrote about a town that is not part of where we're from (Freebird!) No, we're not from Alabama, man We're from California (Californ-I-A. We like Philadelphia though, I mean) Oh yeah, we like ya a whole bunch (yeah, we're ready) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ALOT TO LOSE I thought I saw the light, was it real or something I'm imagining I thought I saw the light, if it was then tell me, did you see it too Did you see the light, if you did now tell me, could you feel it too Hey I saw the light, yeah tell me that you saw the light I don't know why I even do it, all I know is I'm so glad We always make it through it, one way or another We're gonna make it or break I got alot of love for you, I guess that means I got alot to lose I got alot of love for you and only you I don't know how we even do it, all I know is I'm so glad We always make it through it, one more time now baby Got me two times a wife, just like my mother She's there to love and understand Got me two times a wife, she really does have a touch just like no other hands The sparkle in my eye, too many times I left her there alone at night The way you light up my life, yeah your love is two times as nice I don't know how we make it through it, all I know is I'm so glad We always seem to do it, one way or another We're gonna make it or break [ Lyrics provided by www.mp3lyrics.org ] I got alot of love for you, I guess that means I got alot to lose I got alot of love for you and only you I got alot of love for you, I do, and that's the way it should be I don't know why we even do it, all I know is I'm so glad We always make it through it, one more time now friend [ Solo ] I got alot of love for you, I guess that means I got alot to lose I got alot of love for you and only you and nobody else but you I got alot of love for you, I guess that means I got alot to lose I got alot of love for you and only you and no one else but you my friend Oh, nobody else but you my friend (I got a lot of love for you) I got a lot, I got a lot, a lot of love for you (I got a lot of love for you) I do, oh I feel I got a lot to lose ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ COME TO ME You can come around And I will help find a way If somethin’s got you down Just one of those days That you find you are caught in the middle Feelin’ like there aint no way out And it hurts you more than just a little Got your head all full of doubts I’ll be your shelter from the rain Until it’s time to swim Be there to help you share the pain While never givin’ in We’ll keep it unconditional Chorus: Come to me If you need some one And you’re lookin’ for some company Come to me And I’ll be there Aint nothing like a friend No matter what you do Who’s always there till the end It’s like you got nothing to lose What about getting lost in the shuffle Locked out when you’re wantin’ in Got caught gettin’ caught in the struggle Knock you down - I’ll pick you up again Long days and lonely nights Long nights and lonely days I may not get it right But I’ll help you find a way We’ll take it all day by day Come to me [ Lyrics provided by www.mp3lyrics.org ] If you need some one And you’re lookin’ for some company If you need some one Know that you can count on me If you need some one Know that you can come to me If somethin’ bursted your bubble Oh baby, your fortress has crumbled Well there aint nothing’ wrong with bein’ humble Cause humble is good for your soul We all need…everybody needs Someone to hold You can come around I will help find away If somethin’s got you down Just one of those days Long days and lonely nights Long nights and lonely days May not get it right but I’ll help get it right Take it day by day Chorus ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ GETTIN BETTER All that rain outside my window, it goes on and on, I know It's gettin' better every day Soon the sun will shine outside my window, when it's gonna come No I really, I couldn't say No no no no no no, it's gettin' better every day - thank you Can you hear it? Oh, it's gettin' better now, every day, yeah yeah yeah yeah I'm a hard workin' man, doin' all that I can, tryin' to make ends meet Just a-makin' my way through the jungle today, it's gettin' the best of me But it's only gettin' better, and a change is gonna come my way Yes it's only gettin' better, better every day, aha yeah I've been changin' the scene, if you know what I mean Good things are comin' my way [ Lyrics provided by www.mp3lyrics.org ] And now I'm livin' my life, and I try doin' it right Sun shinin' every day Well it's only gettin' better, and a change is gonna come my way Yes it's only gettin' better, better every day [ Solo ] Now it's only gettin' better, and a change is gonna come my way Yes it's only so much better, oh, gettin' better every day, yeah I can feel it, feel it gettin' better, whoa, day and night I feel it, feel it gettin' better every day Gettin' better, it's gettin' better, it's gettin' better ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ SONG & EMOTION I see him there most ev'ry day, A lonely man and his guitar. In his eyes, I see the pain, All the faces and the places, All the trouble that he'd seen. There was a time, There was a day, They'd come from miles around. They all knew his name. But day's gone by are gone, Now only memories remain. Then he starts to play. Suddenly the pain slowly fades away. Tattered, torn and frayed, There's a place within his heart He'll always save for the song and emotion. Know he's got to his dyin' day. Song and emotion. You can hear him play. You can still hear him say, Better run for cover 'cause it looks like rain again! And now his life is but a shadow of his dreams. The calm is over, been stormin' for years. He turns and leans his shoulder to the wind. Lost again! All along, on his way to the top, [ Lyrics provided by www.mp3lyrics.org ] Somehow, somewhere, something was lost. Through it all he knew his only friend was Song and emotion. Know he's got to his dyin' day. Song and emotion. Where are they now, where are those people who promised him his dreams? Where are they now for this lonely creature on the streets? Broken, humbled by the cold reality. Life at the top ain't always what it seems. Oh, better run for cover, 'cause it looks like rain again. You best be careful of what you dream, Of what you dream! Song and emotion. Song and emotion. Song and emotion. Song and emotion. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ WHAT YOU GIVE Who's the one that makes you happy? Or maybe, who's the one always on your mind? And who is the reason you're livin' for? Who's the reason for your smile? I feel so lonely, yet I know I'm not the only one To ever feel this way. I love ya so much that I think I'm goin' insane. I'm goin' crazy, outta my head. Goin' crazy, outta my head. Can't think about nothin' but your good, good love, And what you give. Now, ev'ry one needs somebody. And you know, ev'rybody needs someone. Well, and a-yes it's true! Ev'rybody needs a special kind of love, And you're the only one I'm thinkin' of. You mean the world to me. You are my only! I feel so lonely, yet I know I'm not the only one To carry on this way. I love ya so much I lose track-a time, Lose track of the days. I'm goin' outta my head, Goin' crazy, outta my head. Can't think about a-nothin' but your good, good love, And what you give. It's not whatcha got, it's a-what you give. It ain't the life you choose, it's the life you live. It's not what you got, only what you give, only what you give, It's not whatcha got, a-but the life you live. It's the life you live. [ Spoken: ] Play it pretty for the world. You're the one that makes me happy. Oh yeah baby. And you're the one always on my mind. And a-yes it's true. [ Lyrics provided by www.mp3lyrics.org ] You are my reason, my one and only that I've been livin' for Why can't forever be forever and nothin' more. (To Chorus) It's not whatcha got, it's a-what you give. It ain't the life you choose, it's the life you live. No, no, no, no, no! It's not whatcha got, it's a-what you give. And it ain't what it's not, but a-what it is! Only what you give, only what you give. It's only what you give. It's not whatcha got, a-but a-what you give. It's not whatcha got, it's a-what you give. A-what you give woman. It ain't the life you choose, it's the life you live. It's only what you give, only what you give, only what you give, It's not whatcha got, but a-what you give. It's only what you give. Only what you give. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Only what you give. Only what you give. Only what you give, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Is that good enough for the girls we run around with? I do believe so. Ooh, ooh, uh-huh. Only what you give, what you give. Only what you give. Only what you give. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ THESE SONG ARE MY NEW THEME SONGS IN MY LIFE.. AN I LESSIN TO THEM EVERY DAY.. I JUST WANTED TO SHARE A NOTHER PIECE OF MY SELF TO U ALL.. SOME OF THESE TESLA SONGS MEAN ALOT TO ME.. BRINGS TO MINE PPL I CARE FOR.. THINGS PPL TELL ME.. AN HELPS ME TO TRY AN REMEMBER NOT TO GIVE UP ON LOVE..

every one who knows that i have a really messed up heart.. its so fuckin broken and cut.. If u r so unlucky to see my heart brake in ur arms.. I am so sorry for that site.. Its like my air is gone, my heart stops and the tears fill my eyes.. an I hate that feeling.. A few weeks ago i felt my heart break.. i felt that pain in some ones arms.. An the look he had. i wont forget.. :( Here is the thing, i feel with out wanting too.. i feel things that i just dont know y i have to feel them.. i felt some thing with this person and i know and understand that right now he cant be with any one person.. i got that.. but i still wish i was that lucky girl to have a man like him.. he is the most caring and loving man i meet.. he is much like me.. just older and been through some bad times him self. i can always forget the world when im around him.. i loose track of time.. he makes me smile and laugh. an makes me cry and wish i could just hide in his room and lay in his arms .. an i have done that alot.. he is the dearest friend i have.. an i would never in a million years trade that with him..now this morning i felt that pain again.. i cryed on the way to work.. this morning i went to give him a gift for his little one.i know he is free now.. an i know he needs his time to play and try need things.. haha i just always get them at the wrong time thats how i see it. i dont thing i will ever get it at the right moment. but today i called like i normaly do in the morning.. just to say hi and all.. an he did not answer. so i know right then.. i know he had some one over.. so i drove by about 8:45 and saw the other persons car was still there.. so i left went to work.. an waited till i know he would be gone.. so about 10:35 i went over there and droped it off at his place.. now i get what he did.. im not mad at at all.. it just hurt to see it.. i never wanted too.. but i guess i needed too.. for me it didnt make things better for me.. but the thing is, i know that no matter what i want to be in his life.. his close friend.. An today i will make my heart more locked up.. so that i can have him around me with out this slight pain i have.. he means the world to me.. as a friend i will try not to let him down.. I KNOW THAT IM NOT THAT LUCKY TO HAVE HIM.. BUT I AM LUCKY TO HAVE HIS FRIENDSHIP... i know that im not that girl.. i see it. but i wish i was that lucky to have had a man like him.. one that shows me that there are men that treat girls good.. i feel blessed to have him as my friend.. i think alot about him and i even got his little one a gift for her bday.. im leaving for dallas.. but it just sucks.. if i am going to make it in all this mess i have around me.. i need to close my heart fully.. but leave only room for my kids.. so thats what i will do..i just wish that i could show some one i love that im a good person to love. but i feel that even at my youngh age. the only love i will be giving out is my love for my boys and my cousin and close friend.. if u all think im wrong tell me. but my heart just seems to break to much.. an it hurts way to fuckin bad.. i never will know if i will have my chance with a good man.. maybe i will be that lucky one day.. but for now.. now im not .. i have to fix me.. as he tells me alot.. so thats what i will do .. fix my life.. an not worrie about my heart any time soon.. i will smile as i always try to do.. but remember that behind every smile is a thousand tears.. take care every one.. i have to get back on the road..

DOES ANY ONE KNOW IF THIS MAN IS EVEN OUT THERE? CAUSE I SEEM TO ONLY FIND THEM AS MY FRIEND.. NO LIE.. EVERY ONE WANTS TO BE MY FRIEND NEVER MY LOVER.. SO U TELL ME WHATS UP WITH ME..

HELLO EVERY ONE, I THOUGHT I WOULD LET U IN TO MY LIFE.. AN TO GIVE THANKS TO A FRIEND THAT IS ALWAYS THERE FOR ME, IN THIS BAD TIME.. IN THE LAST YEAR U ALL KNOW HOW BAD THINGS HAVE BEEN FOR ME.. WITH ME AND MY X.. HOW WE JUST CANT FIX OUR MARRIAGE.. SO MANY BAD THINGS HAPPENED IN 10 YEAR.. THAT WAS IT FOR ME.. AN IN THAT TIME I GROW TO SEE THAT I'M OK WITH OUT HIM.. THAT WE BOTH DON'T NEED TO KEEP THIS ROAD GOING IN TO MORE PAINFUL MEMORIES.. JUST THIS WEEK WEEK WAS OUR 10 YEAR ANNIVERSARY.. YET I ENDED IT OUR MARRIAGE 3 DAYS AFTER HIM BIRTHDAY.. WAS NOT PLANING IT TO BE RIGHT THEN.. BUT THAT'S WHEN IT HAPPENED.. SO HERE I AM GETTING THE DIVORCE I WANTED FOR SOME TIME NOW.. WE BOTH KNOW I DID.. AN IN THE END I KNOW HE KNOWS ITS BEST FOR HIM TOO.. WE BOTH DID ALOT OF WRONG DOING TO ONE ANOTHER.. BUT THERE WAS ONLY SO MUCH I COULD TAKE FROM OUR PAINFUL LIVES.. SO I HAD TO END IT.. IN LESS THEN A MONTH.. SO MANY MORE BAD THINGS HAPPENED.. LIKE THE FACT MY CAR HAS BEEN IN TWO WRECK LESS THEN 2 WEEKS FROM ONE ANOTHER.. AN THE LAST ONE WAS LAST FRIDAY.. I HAVE NO CAR NOW.. I LOST MY NEW PLACE CAUSE MY X DIDN'T HAVE THE MONEY TO GIVE ME.. HE HAS NOT GIVEN ME THE FULL AMOUNT FOR CHILD SUPPORT EITHER.. JUST GAVE ME ALOT OF BROKEN PROMISES.. SAME THINGS IT HAS ALWAYS BEEN IT SEEMS.. :( BUT NOW I LIVE WITH MY MOM.. AN I HAVE TO DEAL WITH HER AND THE WAY SHE TREATS ME.. HOW I'M TOLD I'M NOTHING AND THAT I'M A BIG FUCK UP.. AN IF U ASKED ME ABOUT ALL THIS LAST WEEK.. U WOULD SEE THAT I WAS SO HURT BY IT AND JUST STARTED TO THINK WHAT SHE TOLD ME WAS SO TRUE.. BUT I HAD TO FIRST STOP PUSHING AWAY SOME ONE THAT HELPED ME SEE THAT.. I'M STRONGER THEN I THINK I AM. I KNOW I DROVE THIS PERSON CRAZY WITH HOW I WAS FEELING AND THINKING.. BUT THIS PERSON GOT THROUGH TO ME.. AN NOW I JUST HAVE TO TELL MY SELF.. I'M SO MUCH BETTER THEN MOST THINK OF ME.. I'M A GOOD MOM, FRIEND, LOVER, AND MANY OTHER THINGS.. SO WHEN I FEEL DOWN.. I THINK ABOUT WHAT MY DEAR FRIEND WOULD TELL ME OR ALL READY HAS TOLD ME.. AN I SMILE CAUSE THIS FRIEND IS RIGHT.. ITS GOOD TO HAVE SOME ONE TO MAKE THE WORLD GO AWAY.. AN I THANK THIS PERSON FOR DOING THAT WITH ME.. IT HELPS ME.. I HAVE A BETTER DAY CAUSE OF THOSE TIMES WE HAVE.. I FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE THIS PERSON AROUND.. SO THANKS SWEETIE FOR ALL U DO.. I HOPE I CAN RETURN THE FAVOR ONE DAY.. ANY WAYS.. THE THING IS RIGHT NOW THINGS ARE VERY BAD.. COULD BE WORSE.. BUT I FEEL STRONGER THIS WEEK THEN I DID LAST WEEK.. AN AS THIS ALL GOES ON I KNOW, ONE DAY I WILL BE STRONGER.. U ALL KNOW HOW BAD MY LOVE LIFE HAS ALWAYS BEEN.. NEVER HAVING A GOOD MAN.. SO MAYBE, JUST MAYBE I WILL FIND SOMEONE IN ALL THIS BAD.. THAT WILL BE MY REWORD FOR ALL THE THINGS I'M GOING THROUGH NOW.. :) FUCK I HOPE SO.. HA HA THANKS FOR READING.. THIS HELPS ME I PROMISE.. HA HA TAKE CARE OF UR SELF..