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What are you waiting for?
Whether it is emotional or physical, every pain has a root cause. And if there is a cause, there should be a way to change or fix it. So I hoped that of I thought about it rationally, an answer to my depression would come.
Alas, were it so simple...
I find myself trapped in this loop. Just simply going through the motions.. I am not really living.. hell I am barely existing.
There was a time, a long time ago... I had dreams. I had goals, plans. I wanted to be a father. A husband. Wanted a great career and successful career that would help me support the ones I love. I wanted to change the world. Or at least the minds of many those in this world. Wanted to make this a better place, not just for us but for generations to come.. I wanted to see people happy. And excited to be alive and proud of where they came from. I wanted to be beacon that stirred the tides of change...
But in one brief moment... it all died.
And i spent the next 10 years drifting. I turned to the body, the bottle, and the blade.. simply to numb the pain. It worked for a time... but the moments I felt content were temporary. It never lasted.
I wish I could find myself again.. find the me I lost.. but I don't know how. To live for myself has been the hardest thing I've ever done... and I truly do not know how.
All I've wanted.. all I've dreamed of... all I've done.... has been out of love. And without love... I don't know how to fight. How to live. How to be me...
So now I find myself lost in the dark.. I feel alone and broken. Stuck in a life that has no point or meaning...
I have found a problem I don't know how to fix. A wound that cannot heal. A riddle i cannot solve. I do not know what to do or where to go from here.
I am truly lost...
