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What are you waiting for?
I have thought about my life lately,
thinking of what i want to do with the love i have in my heart
I have come to realize that meeting, and falling in love with you is the best
thing that has ever happened to me. My love for you is beyond words, beyond anything
I could have ever imagined.
I am content with our life, what it will hold, the exciting things we have ahead of us, to experience together, as a couple. I am ready for all that our future holds for us, the good and bad, we will get thru it all together.
We had withstood the test of time, the test of a long distance relationship, and
have suceeded thus far. If we can overcome these tough issues, then any and every thing is possible for us. I am ready to face this future of ours, this wonderful future that we have ahead...together.
**I wrote the above on 4-3-09**
4-19-09
Well since writing this some things have changed, and we are faced with a situation of my creation. I am very regretful for what I did...I am filled with more remorse and pain than I ever felt in my entire life. But since I am the one that created this awful situation, my pain is irrelevant, what I feel doesn't matter, I am the one that caused pain to someone else, so that is the bottom line...my tears have no importance,they have even been joked about, but they are still real.
Every tear shed has felt like blood dripping from my body. I ripped out your heart, but I am bleeding as well. Just because I made a huge mistake doesn't mean I'm not hurting too, my encounter made losing YOU a real and scary possibility. The idea of losing you is so painful, I feel worse than I ever have. You are hurting, shutting yourself down so you don't feel all the pain. I can't turn it off, I am the cause of the pain, and I have to life with this regret the rest of my life. Turning it off is not an option for me.
I can't make you feel anything that isn't there although you did tell me your love for me is unconditional just the other night, but I want you to know that my love for you is never ending, when I said together forever I meant it, mistake or not, I still mean those words. You used to treat me like I hung the moon, now you won't look at me...
you can't forgive yet, understandable. But please open your heart again, and try to
see the love that is right in front of your eyes. A big step I know, but what we have together is worth working out, worth getting past. I know your love for me is
still there, just don't forget about that love, the one that has surpassed any love you have ever felt before in your life. The love that has awakened the feelings you had surpressed for years...the love that is true, unconditional, unending.
We have a tough road ahead, but its nothing we can't do, if we do it together. We have to share feelings and be open with each other.
I have been open with you about how I feel, and what I have done. Please remember that I love you with all my heart, truly, deeply, and it is a neverending love.
The disappointment I feel in myself is more than I can bear at some moments. I am sick when I look in the mirror, I am lost without you. The distance between us is unbearable, even though I know its my fault. Don't think that you are at fault in any way, you said you are looking for what you did wrong, well its not you, its me. Its always me, even when I don't do anything, I have always taken the brunt of things. We have a lot to work on, but if we love enough we can get through all of this.
Remember the song lyrics you gave me to read, how you really feel, don't let go of that....
