i don't think i'm liking the higher dose of Depakote every much...i'm woozy and wrung out...i feel like my head is floating above my shoulders like a balloon. jsut like that old cold medicine commercial (i can't remember the product, but i kinda remember something about "medicine-head"). i feel drugged up all the time, and really, i hate that feeling. my brain is fuzzy and i can't think clearly. the little bright spot of inspiration to write, to create, is gone now and it's taxing my brain just to try and post this. fuck...i'm so glad i'm not trying to balance skool and trying to get my head back on my shoulders. i'm miserable and i hate it. i hate myself...i can barely look at myself in the mirror...blah...life sucks sometimes. stoopid upping of my Depakote dosage has left me maudlin and depressed...i never thought i'd miss my mania!! but, i discovered that i have even less time to get back in shape than i thought. the USS (united states swimming, the local swim club) practices start back up on 2 august...ad apparently, the coach wants to have his older swimmers compete in a meet against the UW swim team!! and all i can think of right now is how fat and miserable i am. but i am going to do this, no matter how slow or ridiculous i look in the pool or in my suit. i figure Dustin is fast than me because a)he towers over me and b)he's not as out of shape as i am. someone please buy me this! http://www.swimoutlet.com/product_p/6212.htm i want want want want want!! my brain gets bored when i just do laps by myself. it about drives me out of my mind sometimes. maybe i'm just not pushing myself enough or something.