A response to someone on another site that left me a comment. — Monday, April 09, 2007
It's way long, but probably somewhat interesting
So I'm going to try toput this in "order" I guess. I had some of my art on the other site too. I don't know what all blogs he read either. I don't post all my blogs over there, it's mostly a waste of time because I don't think anyone reads them anyway, I'm not sure most there know how to read or write. There are obviously exceptions though. Also, keep in mind that I do highly appreciate his comment.
He atleast read my about me thing, and looked at my pictures.
I am different than most people. I am about the most genuine and sweetest person people who know me know. I think too much and I care too much about other people who really don't care much about me. I like making people happy. Mostly because I rarely am, so I think someone ought to be atleast. I'm pretty good at doing both, pissing people off and making them happy. I guesse I just like to beable to control people sometimes. I've been accused of making people make me happy. They said it's not fair to anyone. They are just jeolous they can't make people make them happy. It's not always the easiest thing to do. Especially for me, cuz only particular, usually peculiar things make me happy. So I've spent most of my life mostly depressed. I can only make people make me happy for short periods of time. I can't have them wasting their day away trying to make me happy. Going to watch jello-wrestling uste to make me happy. But They don't have jello wrestling in Utah. The one thing that made me happy Is in NC. I am usually fairly quiet, but I can talk about almost anything for long periods of time if necesarry or properly motivated to do so. It's usaully best for me to stay quiet at work. I stay out of trouble that way. The military doesn't like the whole freedom of speach thing much. Some times I piss alot of people off when I talk, cuz I rarely say what people want to hear. So I finally got the fuck out. My yahoo name is sleegreen49 if anyone wants to chat feel free.Feel free anyway even if you don't want to chat. You better feel free, I spent 7and a half months in afganistan and a year in Iraq so you could feel free! If you don't then I wasted my fuckin time!
Dude, you are certifiably insane! And you wear it on your sleeve prouder than any combat patches you may have earned. In that light alone, do you really wonder why friends are so hard to find? Take a look in a mirror, but not for too long because you're already far too self-absorbed with egotistical attempts at trying to *matter* and *make a difference* and *mean something* to someone else. That IS why you joined the military, right? To show others that you have the balls to commit yourself toward trying to make a difference? Then look at your words and look at your images... you do everything you can to scare people off (even though you might think it's an attempt at trying to bring them too close), yet friendship is the one thing you desire most and claim that *others* are the only things that can make you happy - as if your happiness is paramount to anything else that's going on in the world around you. If only you could lure someone in and get them to commiserate with your angst and relate to your sadness, then somehow you believe that THIS will make you happy? Is this making any sense? Are any two neurons firing in unison on this, yet? Look, the concept of life being anything more than an endurance test and/or something that should bring you happiness - or somehow *enjoy* - didn't even exist until about the 1950s... and still, that possibility was reserved for the rich (who, it turns out, are generally not very happy). The thing you really fear the most - hard work - is the one thing that will probably bring you more satisfaction than any of the babblings you've posted here. There's a word called *balance*... seek it, learn it, practice it. It's your only hope. If you can't do it on your own, get some help. Maybe find a good martial arts school to channel your energy, but these childish tirades are getting you nowhere.
Hey, thankyou for your awesome comment. I rather appreciate your time, and annalysis. Most agree, that I"m atleast somewhat insane. But that's just me. I'm not really sure about how hard friends are to find. I haven't actually spent much time looking for them in my life. It might be hardwork, one of those things I'm not too fond of. I have some friends. A few around me, and others in other countries, and other states. When one of my friends gets back from Iraq, I'm going to probably go to hawies and visit everyone there. I am egotistical, but I don't usually if at all, attempt to matter to anyone. It's often even annoying that I matter to anyone. I hate it when people are worried or conerned about me. It almost seems better to be an asshole to everyone,then no one would really care about me. Maybe that is where the whole scary thing comes in. I realize that I scare people away, but it's not usually a consious effort. I just really like scary things, and the scary look. I didn't join the military to show people I had the balls to try to to somthing toward making a difference. Usually the insanity thing is synonomus with the balls thing, so it rather wasn't necesary to join the army for that. It's an interesting take though. I joined the military because I like fighting, and I wanted the college money, among other reasons like getting out of utah. And I really chose the wrong job for the fighting thing, or atleast the pysical fighting thing. To my surprise, and dissapointment, they don't care if you can fight or not if you are working in a singal ( communications ) brigade. I did get my money for school though eventually. Sometimes people make the mistake of my kindness is for other people. I do the things I do for me, and sometimes it helps other people out. I want to change the world, and I want to change it to make it the way I like it. If other people like it, good for them, but that's not mostly the point. Some people don't like things fair, or don't see fairness the same way I do. I have to do things as I see best, because I can't live through other people's eyes. Yah, I know it goes back to the egotistical thing. I think people can be happy now, with what they have. I don't really care when the idea of life being more than just an endurance test came into play. Life is usually what people make it, or the meaning they put to it. Everyone has their own. My into thing about me, was mostly written on a dark day in life. It wasn't meant to be taken completly literaly. Reading now, I realize that it sounds like I am depressed and searching for something or someone to make me happy. I need to edit it I guess. I get paid to go to school now. Sometiems it's somewhat frustarting, but all in all, life is good, and I'm pretty fucking happy about how things are now. I have good outlook on the next 3 years. After that, I might have to do some of that hardwork stuff. After doing the hungover 4mile runs, and working the 18 or more hr days, and putting up with the army bullshit, I think I might be able to manage though. I also somewhat hope the people will find that I'm certifiably insane, so that way I can try to connect that with the army, and get some dissabililty. That might limit some of that hard-work stuff I have to do. Oh, and one of my fears, maybe even bigger than hard work is looking stupid. But what does "tirades" mean?
I think the morrall of the story is- I need to change the about my " about me " section.
