I think my throat gets sore if I speak much. My throat has been sore lately. Maybe it's just because I've been talking in a louder happy tone, rather than the soft depressed tone I'm uste to. I work with people wearing earplugs, and who can't hear well too though.
Today was the last day of the ycc kids working with us. I didn't get the pictures I wanted, but ohwell. I like pictures, but don't want to seem creepy or anything. lol. I got a few the other day when I worked with them, so that will have to do. I looked at helmets today!!! I fell in love with one, but wasn't sure if it was ok to order it. I Asked my supervisor about it, and she said I could order anything Roger, the guy I work with, would put on and walk up to Jim, the big boss. So I told him that, and showed him the ones I wanted, and he said he wouldn't do that with any of the ones I wanted. He said we should wait till monday and ask Jim directly about it. I asked Jim when I got back, and he said I could get any helmet I wanted just as long as I came back next year. :) That was at the end of the day. After work, I went and ate at Arby's. That was a bad idea since my body now rejects fast food. But anyway, I went back to the place to order the helmet I wanted. The size I wanted wasn't in stock, and it's been discontinued. I want a large. I could order a medium, but it would be a little tight, and since it's discontinued, I wouldn't be able to send it back if I didn't want it. The good news is he said I could have ANY helmet I wanted.... So I can look on the internet for one like the one I wanted and see what turns up. My face is getting tired from smiling so much, it may be sore in the morning.
Summery: Work is good, Shitty I probably won't see much of Alice for a while, but atleast I can get an awesome fucking helmet for next year!!!!
I'm going to send this to tons of people and see if I get any good responses. It might seem ingenuin, but I'm not talking to anyone in specific here. Mostly I'm talking to everyone. So why not just post it as a note, or blog you might ask? Because it's far less likely for people to read it that way. I'm playing the numbers game here. Out of hundereds people, there seems to be only a few that will like me that I actually like. It takes a lot of time to write to hundreds of people. Also, however disgenuous this seems, it's more than most have done for me. Yes, believe it or not, I don't get messages very often. And when i do, they are awefully short. I would love to get a long message like this, if it was actually written by the person who sent it. There are people who post generic shit to everyone, that they didn't actually come up with themselves. Most of it is crap, there's some good ones though. This is written by me. I'm probably just stuck up and condascending because I can write and others can't. I do my best not to be like that though.
I can write while the mouse charges, now that's multitasking. I wonder who is going to be lucky enough to hire me? I go back and forth on whether, and how cognitive dissonance actuall works. Right now, it seems to me that it deffiantly works, it just takes several years in most cases. See, now I wonder if people actually believe some of the things they say. One of the things I hate hearing, that i've heard way too much in life is " I don't agree with it, I'm just saying that's how it is. " Really? you DON'T agree? Then how the fuck can you do what you do? How the fuck do you perpetuate the way it is? How the fuck have you done it for so fucking long? Prolonged cognitive dissonence needs to become a fatal illness. Actually, I guess it is sometimes. It shows it's self in the form of depression, exhaustion, and suicide.
Sorry, this wasn't supposed to be a sad day, or a sad note. lol. That's just how the stream of conciousness flows sometimes. Hmmmm, I wonder how often people catch fish in their stream? What kind of fish live in your stream?
See? now it's happy and punny. :)
Lately I've been realizing things again that I have already realized. So that's rerrelizing, right? Watching someone else play a one player game for a few hrs does not fullfill my need of human interaction. It maybe 1/10 fills it. People aren't just two faced, they're several faced. That's one of the many reasons I must be an alien. I have about one face, maybe one and a half. Several other people dissaprove of that quality in me. Others like it, and others are just jealous. It must be hard to manage all their different faces. Think of all the zittsss!!!!!! And all that shaving. I hate shaving. I'm going to get a bunch of stuff waxed on tuesday.
Have you ever been trying to get to know someone by asking them open questions, and then only get maybe a one word, or one sentence answere? It's funny, just cuz I have to laugh at stuff like that to get through my day. It's also slightly frusterating. It's like uh, do they really not want me to get to know them? If so, why talk to me at all? Why add me on a website? I have tons of writing on my pages, and pictures. I guess they don't need to actually talk to me much to get a " good feel " of how I am. So maybe they want to know me, but don't want me to know them? That's just what comes from being psychotic yet seductive I suppose. Ok, I think my food might be cooked by now. I'm sure there will be more words in the future for you to enjoy.
Ok, I have to get a few more thoughts out before I eat.
Stupid people. A bunch of people complain so much about stupid people and how they hate them. Think about it from their shoes though. You only have to deal with them in passing, or a few hrs at a time usually. They have to deal with being stupid all the time. They have to walk around unable to figure things out, all day long, oblivious to so much. They probably walk around feeling like they are in a foriegn country, not being able to understand so many of the big words people use. There is just so many things they will never understand. When I think about it, I sometimes feel sorry for stupid people. It's not like they chose to come into the world, they were forced to exist. Sometimes they just lost in the genetic lottery. Some people try to be smart, and just can't do it. My heart goes out to those people.
The people who rotted their brains with day time television, drugs, and other stuff, well fuck those people. You could have atleast tried to be smart. Read some books, do some puzzles, fucking exersize your brain a bit. lol. Whateva, as long as you are nice and stuff, that matters more. If you aren't smart, atleast be nice. People have more control over their actions and in actions that how smart they are.
So there ya go, inspireing thought to get you through the week. lol.
First a rant.: I don't like the "liking" thing on here. I realize it's just people getting points for the most part. It's stupid though, what if you don't like them? It says all these people like me. If they knew me, they may not like me. Plenty of people don't like me. I'm not saying I'm not very likeable. I think if I met me, or talked to me, I'd like me. Maybe not though, it would depend on what mood I was in when I met myself, and which medications I was on or not on. I'm just an honest person, and believe highly in honesty. It seems like such a lie to hit the like button when you don't know the person, never even visitied their page, read their blogs, jack shit. You may hate the person. You could have opposing paths and philosiphies in life. Maybe you love animals, and you hit like on someone who tortures them for fun. It's not the case with me, I love animals, it's just an example. There's plenty that people can know about me from reading my page and my blogs. There's probably other stuff in my stash for people to know more about me, and decide if they like me or not.
Next, if you have no words on your page, I don't know if I like you. I don't know how I would rate you either, so I probably won't do either of those. I do look for words, and many people don't have any. This brings me to the words people do have on their page. I guess I realize that there are tons of people who get on here wanting to do naked or sex stuff as their primary goal. I had a guy who kept trying to talk to me. He said hi, and stuff like that. When I got back home, I said " Hi, sorry I was gone doing stuff, I'm back now though, or something like that. He asked if i would get on messenger, I say nah, and he said bye. Not sure why he wouldn't just talk in the shout box, and I don't want to think about it. So yes, I deal with pervs too. Both pervs who are gay males, who want to do " stuff " with me, and pervs who are straight males that mistake me for being a female and want to do stuff for me.
I'm almost certain that those people don't read your page. Often times they probably don't even visit your page. I read your page. I'm sick of seeing all the - stuff at the top talking about nsfw, no hookups, no web sex, etc. ect...- Yes, I do suppose that is stuff about you, in the stuff about you section. The people who it's usually directed to, don't fucking read it though. And if they do, then they probably still don't give a shit. It's ignored. Please feel free to prove me wrong on that, I do want to be wrong on this one. Write down the date. Now erase that part of your profile. For the next three weeks, count the pervs you deal with. Now, put it back in there. Now count the number of pervs you deal with in the next three weeks. Show me the numbers.
I've talked to people who have said specifically they don't want to talk about sex here. I get one word, or maybe one sentence replies. Maybe I'm just borring or something. There's profiles that talk about the other person being able to hold a conversation. I haven't had much more luck with those ones either. So, if you are going to give people stuff not to talk about, why not give them stuff TO talk about? I feel like I'm trying to pry words out of people. Eventually I just get condascending, and that's my "bad".
Next subject. The Horizon card, aka " food stamps ". I'm a socialist at heart. No one should ever starve when other people are eating meals that cost over a hundred dollars, and drinking even more expensive wines. No one should have to worry about being able to have food, water, and shelter. People pay money here, just to have their picture in certain places, it could be spent on food, or vitamins, or milk, or whatever. I'm not hating, just pointing it out. I'm all about helping people out. I'd be several thousand dollars richer than I am now if I didn't help other people out, and I'm pretty fucking broke at the moment.
So yah, sometimes people need help. Government assistance should be their last resort. The food stamps program needs to be totally redone. Things people should not be able to purchase with food stamps: Candy, pop/soda, chips, or fried anything, basically, no shit food or drink. Also, no buying water with them, other than 2 bottles at a time. If it's 90 degrees outside, and you are far from your home, and you forgot to fill your waterbottle up somewhere, then yes, you can get some water. Only enough to survive, and I do mean survive, until you get home, or someplace with a faucet. Anything with more fat than nutritional value, not allowed to buy. No more twinkies, or any of that shit. All falls under " shit food". To get on food stamps one will need to have a complete budget analysis done. Someone will evaluate your situation, and tell you how you can spend OUR money. It's not your money, you didn't do anything to get it except need it. After you are told how you can spend it, you will save your reciepts. Routine audits will be done. Ever heard of the 3 strikes your out rule? Well you get one warning, then you are fucking done. You can fuck up once, you get another shot. Fuck up again, and it's rations. You will have food, water, and shelter enough to live, but you won't like it. You eat what we give you. You live where we put you. You drink the water from your faucet, you may even have a filter for it if you convince us you are worthy.
Yesterday I stood in line waiting to buy my three items at harmons. It's a grocerie store, they treat their employees like shit, and I shouldn't shop there. It's hard to find a decent store, one that isn't evil. It was only a few things though. Chicken, onion, and skim milk. The overweight lady in front of me with her overweight child, had a whole cartload of shit. Lots of candy, a couple cases of water, and other stuff. She paid with a horizon card/foodstamps. So, you are poor but can buy candy? and bottled water? Some people are just genetically large. I am not predjudice against fat people. Be as large as you want, it's what you do and how you treat people that matters. These people either had more than enough money for food, or were buying the wrong kinds of food though. Letting people buy shit food, is not helping them. If you can buy pop with it, you should be able to buy beer and wine. A human's or really any animals' basic needs should be provided to them. Soda, is counter productive to basic needs. So when someone buys soda, you are basically paying for them to take away from their basic needs. That should not be provided for. Not only that but we are paying them to feed their children unhealthfully, and develop bad eating and drinking habbits. Kids shouldn't starve, they also shouldn't be fed shit food!!!!!!!!!!!
It's not that I don't ever have soda, or bottled water, or candy. I do occasionally. I do so with my own money. I also have drank way more than my share of booze. Drinking is something that I'm cutting way back on due to relationship/life reasons, money, and health reasons. Do you know where I got my money for booze? From being in the fucking army. By being deployed in Afghanistan and Iraq. By being fucked over more times than I can possibly count. Now I'm just another fucked war veteran trying to get my life together. It also sucks because I hate the society that I helped fucking protect. Sometimes I wish the US would have been blown all to hell while I was in Afghanistan or Iraq. The country I came back to, isn't one that I would fight for again. People don't appreciate or deserve much of what they have here. Sorry, the army and society rant came out of nowhere. But basically, if I'm givving money to someone for food, they shouldn't buy fucking shitfood with it.
Ok, I'm done for now. Ya'll enjoy your weekend.
Everyone talks about how they hate drama here, and stuff like that. I haven't seen many words here, so the drama statements seem odd. I'm sure there's drama, and words and stuff here somewhere though. Whatever it could be amusing. lol. To each their own.
I got chewed on today. It's kinda weird. I do like being chewed on. I didn't expect it from the person who did it though. I thought, and think she is a relationship. I think it's a romantic one, she called someone baby, and told them she loved them on the phone. She has pictures of them on her profile on another site. The caption reads " Me and my baby " I think she is kissing him in one. Biting doesn't have to be sexual. It could just be a weird random thing. It happened more than once though. And she left a mark on my neck. Biting uhm, " turns me on. " Not a difficult thing to do, but that's what it does. So I didn't and still don't know how to take it. I didn't really want it from her. I guess I never said " Don't bite me. " I didn't go over there for that though. When we talked before, she didn't ask if she could use me as a chew toy. We were just going to play video games. And I thought it was clear. I went out of my way to get God of War III specifically so she could play. I didn't think I implied anything sexual between us, I even said to bring her husband, boyfriend, kids, or whatever. She did text me and say sorry about it. I asked her what it was about, and she said she had no reason or excuse. So, still like WTF? Next time I'll tell her no biting. Clear boundries are important I suppose. Other than that weirdness, she seems cool, I just don't want a romantic type relationship with her. Just not really interested in her like that, even if she didn't already have someone somewhere.
I have not right or reason to be though. The thing I hate most about being single, is jealousy. I'm amost never very jealous when I have a girfriend. Actually, I'm very secure and not really jealous at all when I have a girlfriend. It basically only happens when I don't have one. I absolutely hate the emotion. Totall atleast mostly irrational anger and sadness combined.
It's weird. It makes me want to get back together with someone, but then I remember why I broke up with them. Have I already had the best I can get though? Should I really keep looking for that dream/fantasy person of mine? Are they even out there, and if they are, would they even like me? I'm less than half a year away from 30. It sounds weird to me. After 30 I'll just feel like an old creepy guy.
Normally my selfesteme is through the roof. It's just bad the last couple of days, especially since my nightmare. Working and getting paid and stuff is supposed to help, seems like. I just worked around 20 hrs. People there probably thought I was creepy cuz I was so quiet. I don't talk much, especially while I'm working. People find my quietness disturbing often times. I don't find most people interesting enough to want to talk to them.
Hopefully I'm just tired, and wornout, and depressed due to that. Hopefully I'll feel better after I sleep and wake up. I guess we shall see...
The week's gone by quickly. I've basically been walking, sleeping and fucking around online. I also did a rough draft of a job resume. I'm being a guine pig for a parroll oficer that wants to be a counselor. He gets hrs practiced, and I hopefully get a good reference for when I go into that sort of area of work. It's fridays at 11 am. It's kinda weird and awkward, I'm not so comfortable talking to males. I'll get through it though.