14 Things The Average Woman Thinks While Giving a Blowjob
October 21, 2013 at 5:32PM by Anna Breslaw
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1. Okay, Penis. Let's do this. Let's go. I'm ready to Win at This Blowjob.
2. I’m kind of grossed out by the noises my own mouth is making but YOLO.
3. It’s fine that you want to pull the hair out of my face in order to watch me do this but — OW — my hair is caught on your watch — OW. OW. FUCK.
4. So like, can we have sex yet, or... oh, okay, we're just doing this until the end. Cool. Good to know.
5. Am I supposed to be doing some kind of testicle magic? Can I just like, touch one for a sec? Does that count as magic?
6. There, I touched it. #thugsnapz to me.
7. It feels like it’s been 40 minutes but in blowjob time that’s realistically probably like seven minutes. If I can just turn my head to see what time— ow ow ow my neck ow owww.
8. Oh shit, I have to DVR Pretty Little Liars.
9. Maybe I can be one of those people with no gag reflex!
10. No. No, I cannot.
11. There is so much spit happening. There's going to be an awkward wet spot on the bed.
12. It won’t be that bad. I’ve done it so many times. Just tastes like a mix of pennies and nothing! No big deal!
13. Haha, why is there so much of it? There are so many false endings to this ejaculation, it's like a Judd Apatow movie. Like, how is it still coming out?
14. BECAUSE I WIN AT BLOWJOBS, MUHFUCKER. That's how.
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