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Life

Who knows what the tide could bring? Last night , TBS ran the movie "Castaway" starring Tom Hanks. Ironically it was the last movie, that my family as I knew it in 20001 rented. The Saturday that We rented the movie , It was my oldest son's baseball teams award picnic. The dragon had scheduled a hair appointment at some salon in Germantown. So I watched the kids at the house while I prepared BBQ Baked Beans and made homemade rolls with the bread machine. I got a call about 11:00 am from the dragon, saying hey the appointment is going longer than I expected I might be a little longer. Okay, No problem I said. Little did I know, the POS she was having her affair with was living in Germantown with his sister-in law. Well around 2:00pm she shows up, Her hair all perfect, The food is ready, and I gotten the kids in to clean up for the picnic. I hopped in the shower, got ready and we leave for the park by 3:00 pm. We do the socializing thing, the kids are going 90 mph, we eat, have the ceremonies and by 6:00 pm the kids are exhausted and feed and it is time to go home. Odds were in my favor, that the dragon and myself might get to spend some time alone. As we getting close to the house, she has a 'brilliant' idea about going to block buster and rent a movie to watch, she picked out the movie too, Again the Irony flaming on this one. WTF, I was thinking, okay I will play the game, maybe the movie will put the kids to sleep. However after being with this woman for 18 years at the time, I also knew she would fall asleep again, okay I would give her the benefit of the doubt. Well, just as I expected the kids fell as sleep on the floor, and as usually she was out cutting off circulation in my left arm. The Movie was over, I got up and put the kids in their respective beds. I Took the dogs out for their nightly business, she was snoring on the couch when I got back in. I shook my head in disbelief, I covered her up in a blanket left her to sleep on the couch, locked the doors and went to bed alone , frustrated and angry about being last in line … again for the umpteenth time. The plot of the movie is about a Fed ex engineer a fast mover on the corporate ladder, survives a plane crash in the pacific and lands on desolate island out of the path of civilization's thought. Hmm, this allegory sounds familiar, over the years he finds a way to hang on to life till one day part of a port a john lands on his island, then he constructs a raft with a sail to get back on the shipping lanes. Where he is eventually rescued, gets the big celebration and finds out the love of his life who painfully let go of him, moved on and got married and popped out a kid. No Hollywood ending . Hanks gets to have his ackward and tender moment with Helen Hunt. Hanks then goes to his friend's house and has this very deep monologue We both had done the math. Kelly added it all up and... knew she had to let me go. I added it up, and knew that I had... lost her. 'cos I was never gonna get off that island. I was gonna die there, totally alone. I was gonna get sick, or get injured or something. The only choice I had, the only thing I could control was when, and how, and where it was going to happen. So... I made a rope and I went up to the summit, to hang myself. I had to test it, you know? Of course. You know me. And the weight of the log, snapped the limb of the tree, so I-I - , I couldn't even kill myself the way I wanted to. I had power over *nothing*. And that's when this feeling came over me like a warm blanket. I knew, somehow, that I had to stay alive. Somehow. I had to keep breathing. Even though there was no reason to hope. And all my logic said that I would never see this place again. So that's what I did. I stayed alive. I kept breathing. And one day my logic was proven all wrong because the tide came in, and gave me a sail. And now, here I am. I'm back. In Memphis, talking to you. I have ice in my glass... And I've lost her all over again. I'm so sad that I don't have Kelly. But I'm so grateful that she was with me on that island. And I know what I have to do now. I gotta keep breathing. Because tomorrow the sun will rise. Who knows what the tide could bring? Right now, I am dealing with holidays finally able to breathe a little bit financially with the new job, I dealing with the emptiness of being alone in new town, no real in person support system like I had at home, and 2 weeks ago I got the notice the of being called up to go back to Iraq in 2009. Kind of blows up any chance of settling and establishing ties to my new city. A weight that very few people can fathom or even comprehend. My friends and my family ask me how am I doing, it is a very depressing feeling to be powerless and not in control, the only thing I have is my faith in God, but 'I know what I have to do now. I gotta keep breathing. Because tomorrow the sun will rise. Who knows what the tide could bring?'
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16 years ago
Life

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