If my body were a car, this is the time I would be thinking about trading it in for a newer model. I've got bumps and dents and scratches in my finish, and my paint job is getting a little dull. But that's not the worst of it. My headlights are out of focus, and it's especially hard to see things up close.
My traction is not as graceful as it once was. I slip and slide and skid and bump into things even in the best of weather.
My whitewalls are stained with varicose veins. It takes me hours to reach my maximum speed. My fuel rate burns inefficiently.
But here's the worst of it - Every time I sneeze, cough or laugh
either my radiator leaks or my exhaust backfires.
Some cocksucker stole the last 2 Mango's off my tree. I just went out to get em, because I knew that they should have been ripe today. I was all set for a Mango Smoothie.. I guess what goes around comes . But it's been over 45 years since me and my friends cleaned out Mr. Adtkins Cherry tree. Well at least they didn't spit the pits all over the top of my wife's SUV. Shit, I'd better go check on my Papayas and Key Limes. Yeah, yeah, yeah.. heard it all before.. They were probably hungery! Well the motherless fucks could have knocked on my door and I would have given em 5 bucks to go get a dam Happy Meal. And NO I am not that NASTY old man that we all had in are neighborhoods growing up. But I might give it a shot. Hmmmmm, anyone know if it possible to electrify a tree. 110V, not 220V. I'm not that mean spirited :) Yet
Still haven't had any Coke..
43 days into this and I have lost 26 pounds and my man boobs seem to be shrinking
I have done 680 miles on the exercise bike.. 1782 miles to go before I
reach Misfits house. Wonders if she'll feed me!
573 miles to go to watch Vixen walk naked in the woods.
1667 miles to the Bunny Ranch in Nevada to save Cubby from his sins.
That's right,that's right, I said it
Get over it. I've had enough!!
I gave up smoking CIGARETTES in January
I have long given up on CANDY
I am day six into not having and COCA COLA
I'm counting CALORIE & CARB intake daily
Doing 15 miles a day on my excercise bike for CARDIO
Drinking CRYSTAl LIGHT like it's going out of style
I am eating more CHICKEN than beef
I was sadden to learn the CARROTT CAKE doesn't count as a serving
Limiting myself to 2 CUPS of COFFEE a day and no longer adding
The Doc did say that my CHOLOSTRIAL was fine tho :)
So if I seem to be a bit CRANKY, please bare with me.
OK, got to run and go eat some CELERY
3 Pounds lost
This is worth a listen.