NTZ's blog: "A Return Of Thought"

Without sleeping still seeing dreams of a good thing. Visions of a memory. Yesteryears forecasting tomorrow's possibilities. Whatever happens will happen, can't dwell on the unknown. Success goes to the most productive been the thing that is shown. So I get up from this mattress. Eyes on a TV reading the lips of an actress. Grams getting ready to join the rest of the Baptists. I'm just a sinner with no care of GOD's actions. Just my very own. A lot of shit to do, a lot is going on. A lot of nonsense in my palms brought to me by my phone. Another text from a woman that want me. My text telling her tonight wont be when she I would go see. Not nice being me and I'm really sorry. I want the sex but right now need to relax by myself. There is a lot bad intention hovering above my neck. And Karma on a winning streak, I'm trying to pay respect. Keep doing what I do, can't be surprise with what I get. Playing with a lot of broken toys with no want to try to fix. I'm oil, please don't be water they say we can't mix. In the end I'm just want to enjoy my day in this bitch. Maybe later, a different time come and lay with that chick. Cute young thing got me sprung on her tits. All she talks about is jumping hard on my dick. Is this a problem or I just create reasons to be bothered. Papa wasn't home couldn't tell you if I'm like my father. With 15 aunts uncles maybe I'm turning into grandfather. But I'm the lucky one, no pacifiers and no bottles. Dirty diapers being worn by the skeletons in my closet. Two baby scares, doctor visits lets get off this. Phone begins vibrating from a text from a friend that says she meditating. Means puff puff, elevating. I tell her she's dumbing. Really she's in pain so she needs all this numbing. Or she'll go crazy and start to grab the gun and. Wont be a bullet for herself, just a case of bullets for everyone else. That continues to fuck with her. Motherfuckers think they know but they not knowing her. Keep calm. Keep calm. A lot of ticking going on, please don't awake the bomb. Sounds from the phone and a new text, another beautiful bomb. Showing me pictures that she has nothing on. Posing in positions, naughty thinking let me see umm. Would like to get into that. Tweety like, I thaw I saw a putty kat. Plus the booty's fat. Now I'm planning to break backs like Bane, but can't change my promises no matter how I want to act. One dick for one pussy. Not Pac, don't get around. The first woman spoken bout be the only one that I'll be getting down, for. Until she don't need it. Or we be fuck this, lets forget it. Can't deny the past women in my life that I want to visit. Dirty kisses I'm sending to Ohio. Oh hey there, hi yo. Black chick cursing me, why you going white yo. Why you keep on fucking with these nasty hos. You're not Santa, this isn't Christmas.  Why you keep gifting? Down chimneys. Milk and cookies. Through the night, house to house. Who you really be? Just foolery. Just be cool to see, they say me with a baby or sick with an STD. Oh that will really teach me. Even if GOD can't reach me. I speak truth when I speak see. Reasons its hard to really love me. Too many women I have love for. Too many women on my phone so. There is always a woman on my thoughts no. Doesn't mean it's always you i'm got hearts for. I'm not in bed with these ladies. Most of them friends. Most of them have saved me and that might sound crazy. But none of you know how down I was, never was on drugs. Just felt small, something like bugs. Negative feelings that would not budge. Teen life became dont give a fuck. Didn't change a bit in my twenties. Felt like that world didn't want anything from me. Didn't have anyone tell me that they loved me. Didn't think any woman in this world would want me. Only the grim reaper I tried to give all of me. Come take my life, the world is fucked and i'm tired of thinking of ways to die. Many years went by with a sigh. Didn't finish college but got a job, cool right? Still not socializing except for social sites. Where the women showed love, encouraging me to be doing right. I did. Met about three at the time who didn't see me as a kid. Saw me as a man they wanted to try with. Saw me as a chance they were willing to take and. Realize i'm still growing so had to change their thinking. To them i'm thanking. Other's too I thank them. From North Dakota to Germany. I'm not longer sitting her hurting see. Only probably still women that i'm hurting with intention to be more than friends but then nothing. That's the summary of my story with a want to get money so i'm continuously working. Which takes too much of my time. Wish I could make one of you as mines. I just dont have the desire or energy to fall in love with a queen. So i'm chilling with the Harley Quinns who still show me beautiful things, by text. What is yet to come, what is next? What be the cause of this noose around my neck? Wait another text i'm living off their words.......I'm living for their verbs. But I guess its for the best.........I guess. I'm just a mess.