NTZ's blog: "A Return Of Thought"

Forever alone. Just names and pictures on a phone. Went wrong when gifting them bones. Suck that good for me, viewpoint from this throne that i'm sitting on. Never feeling like royalty. BK like crowns, paper cut outs derived from dying trees laying on frozen grounds. Lands I head pound when feeling down. No wonder no one comes around. That sound you hear is me hell bound. Falling, better yet sinking. Just over here thinking. Had a talk with my best friend, became advice giving. No lovers around these park among the living. Our hearts wont feel healing. So the loneliness we building with bricks molded from blood and tears with clay to mix, and maybe cover the wounds no need for stitches to fix. These cuts that seem self made. Your life for mines, do any of you want to trade? I'll gladly do it. Half my days spent screaming fuck that screw it. Optimistic views mean nothing, prove it. Who's it? Not I because i'm hiding behind this hard place and in front of this rock. Am I worth finding? Combining beliefs. Good grief, nobody to hold when I sleep for the past 73 weeks. Through words with friends me and the ex speak but she's not coming back to me. Before I the guy she use to see, returning love back to he. I wish them well, Tel Aviv.

Not my destination even though right here there is no foundation to build a life worth living just something i'm feeling. Been in the back of my mind opening doors I once kept close out of fear. Spirits I keep near. To keep warm during this frigid year. Shall I disappear? Contemplating. Debating these decisions that I am making. Even with good intentions causing hatred. Pain. That is the thing I can't explain. So no more hey's, smiles, or waves. Bury these moments in a grave beside the body i hope to morph into some day. Until then I continue walking around like a plague, avoid me ok. I might end up going cray from more things people say if that happens I pity the fool that so happen may be around me that day. Losing friends again. Ashes of burnt bridges rolled up in that paper between my lips with a glass of that strong shit, take a sip. Lighter up in front of it. Puff puff, sniff sniff. Just trying to get a grip. Pacing, hand on my hip. Smoke filling the air as the blunt shrinks quickly burning my fingertips. Caine on the table. Dolla, dolla bill. Through the nostril, my nose i can't feel but what it tasted was that real. Starting to feel ill, let me take this pill. Bottle wont open i'm struggling out of anger get to throwing out the window over the hill through the fields where my ancestors got kill. For trying to escape plantation walls and it's mass appeal, dogs chewing off their skin and begin to peel. Dragging nigger bananas, comparative to my mental impression of this mill. But until...

I jump on that chariot to travel roads paved by Harriet, liberation I swear to get. Until these beginning steps in that direction aim to cause effect and plan for better days. Must be better ways than living like this but nothing left to say. This is the game so I play. Tie my shoes tight, preparing mentally to take that winning J. Game 7 this feeling feels like Heaven, soft yet firm but can get tough so beware if you try to fuck it up. Making wishes again to make a stop by Michigan. Even when kids through fits I hope to hug and share a kiss. Never know could fall and make you my miss. I think on this like the friend spoke about trying to get her heart fixed. Could we be more? As long as I keep from these whores and show you all that there's a lot i have in store. Stored behind those doors. Connected to four walls, a ceiling, and a floor. Housing my beliefs and ideas that say this world is much more than the earth crust, lets dig deep into the core. Then you'll find all the answers to what you are living for. Building for. Dying for. Crying for. Fighting for. Escaping these cages with hand raised, Bellator.