NEBRASKA
Body: 1. Pull up your droopy pants. You look like an idiot.
2. Let's get this straight; it's called a "gravel road." I drive a pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're
going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.
3. They are cattle & feed lots. That's what they smell like to you. They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? I-80 goes east and west.
4. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $200,000
combines that are driven only 3 weeks a year.
5. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being
friendly. Try to understand the concept.
6. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of pheasants are coming in,
we WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up
to your ear at the time.
7. Yeah, we eat catfish. You really want sushi &caviar? It's
available at the corner bait shop.
8. The "Opener" refers to the first day of pheasant/deer season. It's
a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.
9. We open doors for women. That is applied to all women, regardless
of age. We say Thank You, You're Welcome and God Bless, etc.
10. No, there's no "vegetarian special" on the menu. Order steak. Or
you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham &turkey.
11. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats,
vegetables and potatoes. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and Picante
Sauce. Oh, yeah... We don't care what you folks in Malibu call that
stuff you eat...We call it a Runza or a Cabbage Burger. Both originated
in
Nebraska.
12. You bring "coke" into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served
over ice. You bring "Mary Jane" into my house, she better be cute, know
how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.
13.The"Huskers",HighSchoolFootball/Baseball/Volleyball/Basketball/Track/
Wresting/Softball - as important here as the Lakers and the Knicks, and
a whole lot more fun to watch.
14. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards. It
spooks the fish.
15. Colleges? Try Lincoln, Omaha, Kearney, Wayne, Chadron, York or a
bunch a'others. They come outa there with an education plus a love for
God and country, and they still wave at passing pickups when they come
home for the holidays.
16. So just Wave if you are a NEBRASKAN.............. Always remember
what Gen. Eisenhower once said: "Nebraska can make it without the
United States but the United States can't make it without Nebraska."
