-it is the middle of this day-
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The Sun is hidden behind these dark grey clouds that have teased us greatly with rain, but given none... I feel a tickle in the back of my neck, could it be what I believe it is? It seems when this happens a twist of reality comes my way, bad news, good news, it does not matter... I have no other choice but to wait it out. Today will be a slow day for me, I have made my coffee but have no creamer. It really pisses me off, and I know when one thing goes unbalanced the rest follows. Like quicksand, you cannot even try to escape, it will pull you down regardless of your screams... Such a fucked up world to play with me daily and keep me from this cleared path I have worked on for years, cropping and studying and learning my location... Detours are everywhere, always, and it is not my doing. I am convinced of it now. I did not give any permissions to accept anyone to touch or use my things, but it is because of another that it runs out, that it does not get replaced until I discover it's emptiness... How ironic, I fix the problem, that really only seems to be effecting me anyway? How lucky for everyone else. I find myself wondering who or what the fuck is watching over me, who or what the fuck is protecting me? They sure don't do a very good job do they? I find that shit too hard to believe, the only shit that gets done is what I personally do. I shall continue documenting it so that I have proof in the long run, of what is going on around here... I am now not alone, but I feel this void clawing at my face, at my skull... I should not be here. I should be out, doing what I do best, living. I should break down these walls we call shelter, and let in the light, let in the beauty of life... Touch her.
Will she accept me? I tend to destroy everything I touch... I wonder if she fears me... Decaying Mother of Life... Beautiful Queen of Dark and Light... Thank you for everything you have given me.
