-Just thinking-
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Maybe there is nothing more, then the inevitable death that awaits us all. Perhaps I did it all wrong... perhaps I should have stopped while I was ahead, so many years ago. Maybe my conscience is 100% evil, and has complete control over me. But why would she want to be evil towards me? What did I ever do to her? I cannot remember a day when all things went my way. I have always struggled, always begged, always felt the need to convince others or went out of the way, to show others.
In one hand, I care about what everyone thinks, and in the other I don't give a fuck about anyone else. Why should I? For how much I have put in to being human and giving, and understanding, I cannot remember a day when I got it in return. I think I would rather be an evil bitch than a victim. Maybe I will work more on that, as the days meet me.
I am tired. Tired of everything, tired of how I let things happen. I want it to end. I want a new life. A new beginning. When I sit and imagine it happening, I see nothing there, just open air. Freedom, choice, future, possibilities. I know most people wish they can go back and change things, well I do more than wish it, I actually create an entire new world in my mind. Then for a split second, in that one moment, I feel alive again.
