Rudi's blog: "In my mind"

Rudi, I want you to be able to read this when I lose my internet. I want you to remember that I will be thinking about you every second of the day. I love you and will miss you lots during this time. Yet, I have to look at it in a positive way, a way that I am able to get things done over here before I come over there. You are my Angel, my Knight in Shining Armor, the Love of My Life! You walked into my life when I thought I did not need anyone, now I realize I need you in my life more then anything. You are the world to me, and baby I mean that. How can a love grow so fond on the internet? I will always ask myself that question, yet when I am in your arms looking into your eyes and seeing the love in real life everything will be a dream come true. You are what makes my heartbeat and also you are the one that is making these hard times easier on me. I love you more then words can say, more then feelings can express! Love Always, Tawnya ------------------------------------------------- Baby I love you to death and i am glad you did walk in my life, i want to thank you for loveing me. You know you are the women of my dreams a long time ago and in some weeks you are not just in my dreams anymore, no you are here with me together and we will all do we have a good live and i never will stop to love you. In deepest Love Rudi

you know darling, if i go to bed sometimes and lay under my sheet, thinking of you, sometimes i cry, why i miss you so and want you to be here. It is the truth baby and then, if i am awake, the next what i do is running to my pc look if you are there and when i cant sleep baby i roll my pillow and get it in my arms and think about you, then i can sleep. How can things happen like this ? I feel so strong for you. You so far away but so close to me in my feelings. Thats what i wrote to my heart beat and i had to put it in here just for my thinkings and to look at it with my baby every time we want to. Baby every sense i have to think about you and i am be glad to hold you in my Arms. I love you so much... Your Angel

Hey right now i feel very happy why my baby make all this funny things here on cherry with the tests and stuff i like that and enjoy the times we spend here and i will enjoy the future with here i am sure she was for a long time just in my dreams and the i really saw her on camfrog ...hehe i did smile so much as i realized it thats the girl i sendet a e-mail before 2 years on yahoo but she didnt response at this time and i ever dreamed from her and then... boah it made me saying OMG hahaha i am so happy that i found you Tawnya i really are you are my sunshine and my heart beat i never will miss you ...baby you are my soulmate

My Sunhine, life can be cruel but when it all comes together there is no moment as sweet. That is how I feel about you entering my life. You have rekindled the flame called love in me. You have given one more reason to look forward to tomorrow. Now, you are a significant part of my life and I look forward to the day when we can make it permanent. I love you so much. I love you for your kindness, for your caring and giving nature, for your beauty - both inner and outer, and most of all I love you because you are you. The fact that you show me who you really are and not what you think I may want. Tawnya, let this letter be a testament to my true feelings for you. The whole world can see and know how I feel for you. I love you, Rudi

now it is a night for me i am sleepless have to think so much. Always in my Head are my love from the United States "Tawnya" ...in wish moment ever i think about her i feel happiness she make me smile just if i see her, she make beat my heart faster every sense i think about her and i feel so much love. I cant wait till she is here and i can hugh and kiss her, feel her heart beat, hear she breath feel her skin and look in this amanzing eyes. I think all time about Tawnya and we will be together soon here in Germany. Tawnya i love you so much and i am proud of you ..... good night

As you got up this morning, I watched you, and hoped you would talk to me, even if it was just a few words asking my opinion or thanking me for something good that happened in your life yesterday. But I noticed you were too busy, trying to find the right outfit to wear. When you ran around the house getting ready, I knew there would be a few minutes, for you to stop and say hello, but you were too busy. At one point you had to wait, 15 minutes with nothing to do except sit in a chair. Then I saw you spring to your feet. I thought you wanted to talk to me, but you ran to the phone, and called a friend, to get the latest gossip instead I watched patiently all day long, with all your activities, I guess you were too busy to say anything to me. I noticed that before lunch you looked around, maybe you felt embarrassed to talk to me, that is why you didn't bow your head. You glanced 3 or 4 tables over, and noticed some of your friends talking to me briefly before they ate, but you didn't! That's OK There is still more time left, and I hope you will talk to me yet. You went home and it seems as if, you had lots of things to do. After a few of them were done, you turned on the T.V. I don't know if you like T.V. or not, just about anything goes there, and you spend a lot of time each day in front of it, not thinking about anything, just enjoying the show. I waited patiently again, as you watched T.V. and ate your meal, but again, you didn't talk to me. Bedtime I guess you felt too tired. After you said good night to your family, you plopped into bed and fell asleep in no time. That's OK because you may not realize, that I am always there for you. I've got patience, more than you will ever know. I even want to teach you how, to be patient with others as well. I love you so much, I wait every day, for a nod, prayer or thought, or a thankful part of your heart! It is hard to have a one-sided conversation! Well, you are getting up once again. And once again I will wait, with nothing but love for you. Hoping that today you will give me some time. Have a nice day! Your Love +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ did think about this a long long time and i really dont want to live this way, i want to be there for the person i love and care ...and i expect this from the person who love me and care about me too.

Life is biased toward the positive. You can only fall so far, but there is no limit to how high you can soar. There are points at which life cannot get any worse,but there is no point at which thing cannot get better. You can only lose so much,but there is no limit to what you can gain. With every setback comes a real opportunity to grow and move forward. And with every triumph,further triumphs become more likely. In every situation there is positive potential. Yes, the risks are there. Yet the risks are finite. Possibilities are infinite. Consider the incredible upside potential of your own life. No matter where you are, no matter what circumstances you find yourself in, your possibilities always outweigh your problems. Those positive possibilities are yours for the living.

Take my hand my sunshine, I wish to help you along. Just knowing there are two of us can help to make you strong. I know life seems unfair and sometimes gets you down, but know that I am here for you I will always be around. So set a day aside and together we will walk down all your troubled pathways,for it helps sometimes to talk. If you should need some time to do this on your own, then I will be here waiting since you wish to be alone. I guess I want to say that I hold our Love dear. And if you ever need me just reach out,cause I am here. In Love Rudi

Tawnya, I want to make you smile as you make me. I wish you saw my thoughts right through my eyes. You ask me what I'm thinking. I can't tell you. You are the stars, and I the empty skies. In me there is a yearning ever flowing That needs to reach an end that never comes. I cannot be myself without you with me. This is a truth no wisdom ever plumbs. You laugh, and say that I'm your personal angel, And this is what I want so much to be. The beauty of my life is like a passion That blows right through the person that you see. Your Angel love you

Deepest Love When things start falling away And the world doesn't know you anymore Everything is changing for better and worse And you can't keep your eyes up above the floor When I still trip and stumble And I can't do anything right Trouble is peering from all directions I put my fists up and prepare to fight Before me comes that bright angelic glow And a comfort takes away it all That hand slips my fist into hers Rage fades and my anger too My heart flutters and misses beats Skin grows cold and bumps show all over Hair on my neck still risen from the first time That peace took a hold of my life A feeling grows and fills a void That was left behind inside Warmth of blood flowing through me again That I thought I would never feel a second time I tremble now in the thought I am at home when I am known I am loved even though I'm gone I am more human than I've ever been shown My deepest regrets are even deeper in the past I can not change what has already been To look forward and realize my destiny Is much different than it was back then Backboned and strong Do I need to explain? Or is this explicit enough I no longer need a fix if pain I breathe the clean air of a new and better day I am blessed daily from my Father up above Maybe someday I can share these words And express them to deepest love