justkickinitreal's blog: "Really Happy?"

ok, so back in march 2012, i got kicked outta my aunts place for a really huge fight, i had to go stay in pawt with my brother whom was hardly ever there, but my bbf will, his girl and their daughter were there, well, my bff was a pusher of sorts, still is, but by him i met a couple new peopl that i enjoy spending time with on friendly basis. well, theres brad and dave whom live together, come to find out they had relations, but during the summer, my heart grew for brad, but aug his chick came back. point is, i slept with brad not once but twice... shhh.. jenn only knows of one time, but come to find out dave was gaga for me as i was gaga for brad, but dave never mentioned anything, except he would throw it out there thats hes gay all the time, so i thought his friendliness was just that, friendship.but since aug 14th i hooked up with dave, now i share his home, his life, iv met all his family, my family knows about him, his past and now with me, (souped my already extra big ego"), so the last 4 months have been quite a ride, dave has work issues and other issues, and i have been right here by his side, thats what a relationship is of caring and being there for the one you love, dave is 14 yrs older than me which is fine i do prefer the older men. but i knew one day it would come up, and i have come to terms with it myself before it was brought up, yesterday he said he really doesnt know what he wants, he loves having me around, he loves sharing his bed with me, he loves cuddling with me, but he also said he loves guys, SO HOW SHOULD I TAKE THAT, i told him in the begining id be open for a relationship if he chose to have a guy in his life, thia came out after a wk ago i finally broke down and told him --I LOVE YOU, i knew i shouldnt have, and i didnt rush it, it just happened, im very good at *not love* for a man, from past traumas of broken hearts, but theres something just so secure and safe about him, but now today im starting to think i made a misatake, and now im at a lost as to where i stand.  I JUST DONT KNOW WHSAT TO DO  the thing is, i think i have overwhelmed him, but not for nothing, he has plenty of times said *I LOVE YOU to me, the convos we have, what he tells and shares of me to his peers, how should i have taken it... STUPID STUPID STUPID ME, what have i done, i cant take it back, HOW DO I KEEP HIM KNOWING ITS SAFE TO BE WITH ME, BUT YET GO AGAINST HIS CRAVE OF ANOTHER MAN, says alot abourt me doesnt it.

 IM SO STUCK NOW, tho last night, i have still acted the same as to before i was talked to, i still cuddled him, i still put my hand upon his thigh, i still give him peck kisses all day, much hasnt changed in that aspect, but ITS NOW A DIFFERENT ASPECT THAT IM LOOKING AT, THAT IM COMPARING ABOUT, what to do what to do????