Well, me and my dude have already gone thru the jealous stages, the questionings, we have had our talks, and we made it ova the biggest hump so early in the relationship, that i know we will last quite a while. the 23rd of this month, june will b 5 months of it being official, but i knew him b4 xmas, mind u, i got here nov 5th 09, so, . I have met a couple otha dudes, not since ive been with him, but after my bday, he was he was chasing me. I love the fact that i live with him, and he holds me every night, we are total opposites, but we get along wonderfully well, i love to kiss him 20,000 xs a day, we laugh, i like to touch him, have him chase me around the house, play in the pool, well, as happy as i am, is it love because its suppose to b, or is it because i attached to him so quickly? I had my bro here but he left in march, i had a couple of friends, but they, i went outta state, one had personal shit ta take care of, i had to leave dad's, for persoal reasons, so i wasnt right next door no more. Well, here with bruce, we saving for a place, but his best buddy, rich, this is where we live. a pool in the back, screened in, rich and his dad gots a nice boat, just about every wkend, we be boating. I got tanlines, im meeting really awesome people, its like a family here, bruce is my dude, rich has a bit of personality from the 3 of my brothers, so thats how he fills my void, of missing my bros, and rich's daughter is 7, fills a bit of void for missing my kids, and rich's fam, they r real nice, i was accepted. And i only met bruce cause i had noticed when i got here i was scoping the neighborhood, (gotta know my surroundings) i called him ova and asked if he could get some weed for me............yes yes i did, thats how we met, now i got wat i can call family, i just say rich is my cousin, its so much easyier. Oh and on the 15th, im getting an IUD, cause i do not wanna b tied down with a baby, i enjoy just getting up and going, or a babysitter???? oh no, i dont have the patience to go thru it again, fuck that, we did have a scare last month tho, but i took care of it, got all my health in order, and so the point of this story is that, 9 days ago, me and bruce had a deep, emotional, stimulating conversation, where i was told HE LOVES ME, i say well, i almost love you, , and thats what i say to him, because i dont wanna take a chance so early to open my heart for something to fuck up, and my heart gets hurt again, im not really emotionally stable in my head, tho i dont let no one see them(emotions) at all, every day is good , its a big front, but i dont wanna end up falling, falling hard, the hurt will b unbearable, so, he keeps telling me he dont want me to go home, but he wants ta take me to Illinois to meet his mother, lets not forget, hes 43, u can tall he's older, to meet his mom, i sent pics to my ma, my aunt and my kids, so they all know wat im looking at, they can tell just by talking that im happy---but y is it that im happy, thats the question, cause last night, while bruce was sleeping, i cried cause all i could think about was home, my kids, my fam, my people, my life, it was miserable but its everything i know, and im too scared, feel like backing away because im scared for the future, and wat it may bring? My choice to live here, in Florida, rhode island=i hate it, but yet i miss it soooooooooooo. Ride it out for now, give it benefit of the doubt, and do we believe if i give him my heart, it will succeed and we will b happy together.
