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ok, so back in march 2012, i got kicked outta my aunts place for a really huge fight, i had to go stay in pawt with my brother whom was hardly ever there, but my bbf will, his girl and their daughter were there, well, my bff was a pusher of sorts, still is, but by him i met a couple new peopl that i enjoy spending time with on friendly basis. well, theres brad and dave whom live together, come to find out they had relations, but during the summer, my heart grew for brad, but aug his chick came back. point is, i slept with brad not once but twice... shhh.. jenn only knows of one time, but come to find out dave was gaga for me as i was gaga for brad, but dave never mentioned anything, except he would throw it out there thats hes gay all the time, so i thought his friendliness was just that, friendship.but since aug 14th i hooked up with dave, now i share his home, his life, iv met all his family, my family knows about him, his past and now with me, (souped my already extra big ego"), so the last 4 months have been quite a ride, dave has work issues and other issues, and i have been right here by his side, thats what a relationship is of caring and being there for the one you love, dave is 14 yrs older than me which is fine i do prefer the older men. but i knew one day it would come up, and i have come to terms with it myself before it was brought up, yesterday he said he really doesnt know what he wants, he loves having me around, he loves sharing his bed with me, he loves cuddling with me, but he also said he loves guys, SO HOW SHOULD I TAKE THAT, i told him in the begining id be open for a relationship if he chose to have a guy in his life, thia came out after a wk ago i finally broke down and told him --I LOVE YOU, i knew i shouldnt have, and i didnt rush it, it just happened, im very good at *not love* for a man, from past traumas of broken hearts, but theres something just so secure and safe about him, but now today im starting to think i made a misatake, and now im at a lost as to where i stand. I JUST DONT KNOW WHSAT TO DO the thing is, i think i have overwhelmed him, but not for nothing, he has plenty of times said *I LOVE YOU to me, the convos we have, what he tells and shares of me to his peers, how should i have taken it... STUPID STUPID STUPID ME, what have i done, i cant take it back, HOW DO I KEEP HIM KNOWING ITS SAFE TO BE WITH ME, BUT YET GO AGAINST HIS CRAVE OF ANOTHER MAN, says alot abourt me doesnt it.
IM SO STUCK NOW, tho last night, i have still acted the same as to before i was talked to, i still cuddled him, i still put my hand upon his thigh, i still give him peck kisses all day, much hasnt changed in that aspect, but ITS NOW A DIFFERENT ASPECT THAT IM LOOKING AT, THAT IM COMPARING ABOUT, what to do what to do????
GETIING SICK OF MY EVERYDAY LIFE, AND FED UP WITH THE GENERAL PPL WHOM I ASSOCIATE WITH ALSO. i HATE IT HERE.
I MISS MY MAN DOWN SOUTH, THE MAN WHO STILL WANTS ME TO COME BACK, BUT HE KNOWS I HAVE COURT IN MARCH, THATS ALL IM WAITING FOR, THEN
IM OUTTA HERE. I SURE AS HELL AINT FINDING NO MAN HERE, THEY ALL DOGS, I WANA SETTLE DOWN AGAIN,
I DO HAVE ONE FLAW THAT TURNS MEN AWAY, MY MAN DOWN SOUTH DIDNT CARE, NEITHER DID THE PEOPLE I WAS AROUND, THEY ACCEPTED ME JUST THE WAY I AM. I WAS HAPPY DOWN SOUTH, I ONLY CAME HOME CAUSE I MISSED MY KIDS SO MUCH, OR ID STILL BE DONE THERE, AND DUE ANY DAY NOW, I CAME HOME, AND 1 MONTH LATER MISCARRIED DUE TO THE DRAMA AND STRESS I WAS DEALING WITH UP HERE, IM MISERABLE AND DEPRESSED HERE, AND IM SICK OF IT!!!
I TRY TO KEEP THE CRAZINESS IN MY HEAD LOCKED AWAY TO BE CIVILIZED WITH THE WORLD, BUT THERES ONLY SO MUCH LONGER I CAN KEEP IT FROM SHOUTING OUT AND LETTING GO OF THE END OF THAT ROPE, IVE ALREADY HIT ROCK BOTTOM ONCE, DONT TELL ME ITS ABOUT TA HIT ME TWICE,
THATS FUCKED! IM ABOUT TO LOSE IT, CAN ANYONE HELP ME WITH MY PAIN, ID NEVER WANNA SHARE THIS TORTURE, BUT I NEED TO BE RELEASED.
HELPHELPHELPHELPHELP
SEXY
Love hurts causes more pain than any other emotion known to man. Love can kill you, it can drive u madly insane, especially when the person u wanna love, wont love u back. We fight for love, we use so much time and energy trying to find love. Love can make u lose sleep, can make u not wanna eat. Love can make u do stupid and crazy things. Love can make u act a fool, Love can turn into obsession, love can keep u restless, love can make u hurt urself, so the one u love can take pity on u, to come around and maybe comfort u. Love is not a game, its not something u can win, but u surely can lose it. In the end, LOVE hurts.
I wish I could find someone whom could prove me wrong about all this love bullshit.
my heart has fallen for a stranger, a man i barely know, a man 100;s of miles away, i just met yesterday. i met him online, i had to hit him up he just too fine. i dont even know him, but he sure makes my heart tingle, just wish he was closer, so face to face we could mingle. i heard his voice and i melted inside, knowing i cant reach him, on the inside, i cried. he has swept me off my feet, i cant wait for the day we meet, to share an intensifying passion of heat. this man i barely know gots my emotions kicked in overflow.
talking with him now, i cant concentrait no more
he's so far away :( i think we fit each other's personalities perfectly, and tho he may b 9 yrs younger, age aint nutting but a numba, its the maturity in a person that turns me on, not ta mention, yes he is SMOKING hott! To leave home again, for a shot at true happiness--would it be worth it? god knows my true love is not in my small ass broke state, dont get me wrong, i can financially take care of myself, and anotha if needed. Am i his perfect match, should i spoend my hard making money ta get him to me to find out if there is a future for us? He is a complete stranger to me, but he makes my heart race, and i feel them butterflies, i had forgotten what that feeling was, ive been hurt so bad, and dam,, he probably has too. So to take this chance--i believe it is worth it, let him share my world out here for a minute, and if all goes well, go share myself in his world. i wouldnt mind traveling if its gonna benefit me in the long run of finding that special someone. DECISIONS DECISIONS whats a girl to do??
