Don't Make a Redhead Mad !
A big shot business man had to spend a couple of days in the hospital. He was a royal pain to the nurses because he bossed them around just like he did his employees. None of the hospital staff wanted to have anything to do with him.
The redheaded nurse was the only one who could stand up to him. She came into his room and announced, "I have to take your temperature.
"After complaining for several minutes, he finally settled down, crossed his arms and opened his mouth.
"No, I'm sorry, the nurse stated, "but for this reading, I can't use an oral thermometer.
"This started another round of complaining, but eventually he rolled over and bared his behind. After feeling the nurse insert the thermometer, he heard her announce, "I have to get something. Now you stay JUST LIKE THAT until I get back!" She leaves the door to his room open on her way out. He curses under his breath as he
hears people walking past his door, laughing.
After almost fifteen minutes, the man's doctor comes into the room. "What's going on here?" asked the doctor.
Angrily, the man answers, "What's the matter, Doc? Haven't you ever seen someone having their temperature taken?"
After a pause, the doctor confesses, "Not with a carnation."
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Deep Thoughts ... by Jack Handey
The next time you're having a bad day, imagine this:
You're a Siamese Twin.
Your brother, attached at your shoulder, is gay.
You're not.
You only have one ass.
Feel better??
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Two alligators were sitting at the side of the swamp. The smaller one turned to the bigger one and said, I
can't unnerstand how you can be so much bigger 'n me. We're the same age, we was the same size as
kids...I just don't get it."
"Well," said the big 'gator, "What you been eatin' boy?"
"Lawyers, same as you," replied the small 'gator. "Hmm.
Well, where do y'all catch 'em?" "Down at 'tother side of the swamp near the parkin' lot of that law firm."
"Same here. Hmm. How do you catch 'em?"
"Well, I crawls up under one of them BMWer's and wait fer someone to unlock the door. Then I jump out, grab 'em on the leg, shake the livin shit out of 'em, and then eat 'em!"
"Ah!" says the big allig ator, "I think I see your problem. You ain't gettin' any real nourishment. See, by the time you get done shakin' the shit out of a lawyer, there ain't nothin' left but lips and a briefcase
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