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What are you waiting for?
Why? You ask....I say that because it's what I feel. What I believe is true.
Being beautiful makes me very lonely in the world. Not knowing what people are saying are true. Or the manipulate you into thinking what your feeling is wrong. But it's half my fault too. I let these people do whatever. They ask me a favor and I do it no questions asked. Do I do it to be nice?? YES! Do I do it because I care?? YES. Do I do it to make them happy?? YES! Will I ever ask anyone for anything in return?? NO!!
I've gone through my life making other people happy and in the end I usually get nothing in return. I'm fucking sick of it. I'm done doing shit for people. I'm done being nice and sweet.
I'm going fists up. I know I'm pretty,cute and all that shit. I don't need a constant reminder about it. I'm nothing but a little toy to you and most so why would you care what I feel. Do everything I can to make you happy. Go out of my way to help you. And in the end I get fucked over. Dealing with your backlashes. Thinking to myself self why the fuck do I get myself into these situations.
Why do I fucking care. Well just to let you all know I won't. I'm done. I won't believe anymore shit coming out of your mouth. Blame yourselfs. This isn't the work of one. Many contributed to this. So congratulations!!
I will remain alone and bitter. With much love and hate, your dearest Kale.
Ok! So I've taken a few minutes. Came back and now I'm going to explain, lol shit, was I angry. I'm not usually THAT bad. Well I at least not anymore. I was very much angry most of my life. Fought alot with so many, most who didn't even know what the fuck was going on. I'd just get into these angry fits and who ever was around me would get the worst of it.
I've calmed down quite a bit over the years. Learned through therapy to let it out, write it down. Let it go because the more I hung on to it the worse it got. So I do my thing, take a deep breath, close my eyes and slowing count to ten backwards and by the time I got to number one. I'd feel a lot better. Opened my eyes and ask myself "is this worth getting blown up about". And I'd slowly start to feel better. That method works for me.
Though I do fall back into complete fury ha-ha ooops eh. Just all depends on what I'm pissed about.
What I wrote up there was just basically a snowball effect. One thing after another letting it all bunch up, and after one event that happened just made me feel the way I felt.
Hey I can be a bitch. Just like the next one, but for me. I said what I needed to say. I feel much better.
My hate is the most powerful thing I have. It's shown me just how fucking psychotic I can be. I've gone so far with it, I've physically hurt someone. Luckily no charges came but it sure did scare the shit out of both of us. But that was a very long time ago just after high school.
With me being a mother, I can't really I mean it doesn't feel right to be angry all the time, it would rub off on her thinking that's the way life is and I can't do that to her. She is far too fucking precious to change her way of living her life. It's kinda funny when I think about it. My daughter is why I don't lash out as much anymore. Sure I get moody and not happy but my daughter understands that. She helps me be more loving because she loves me and wants mommy to be happy too.
I can say now I'm not angry by nature. Over the years it's let me be a happy person. I've become peace within myself. I guess it was just a matter of looking in myself and see the kind of person I was, to the person I want to be. So now that you've heard the other side. Thanks for listening. Your calming Kale.
