*What was the best thing before sliced bread?
*If 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea, does that mean one enjoys it?
*Why do we call them asteroids when they come from the hemisphere, and hemmerhoids when they come from the ass?
*If all is not lost, then where is it?
*Why do you need a drivers license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive?
*You know how most packages say "Open here" right? Well, what is the protocol when it says "Open somewhere else?
*How do they get a deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
*You know that little indestructible black box used on airplanes? Why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?
*Does fuzzy logic tickle?
*If you are cross eyed and have dyslexia, can you read alright?
*If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into?
*Why do you press harder on the remote control when you know the battery is dead?
*If flying is so safe, why is the airport called the terminal?
>You can't make someone love you, all you can do is stalk them relentlessly and hope they panic and give in.
>The people you care most about in life are taken away too soon. Less important ones never go away. And the real pains in the ass are permanent.
Friends* A good friend is one you can call to bail you out of jail in the midnight hours. Your BEST FRIEND is the one sitting beside you saying, "DAMN THAT WAS FUN!!"
~Finally, and the most important rule to live by~
>You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose, but you can't pick your friend's nose. (It's just wrong)
