i love how every little spec of hope i have gets blown away before it even has the chance to become a full on dream....my life is going nowhere and no one seems to realize just how depressed i've become...my own mother hasnt noticed...well, thats a lie...she's noticed that i never sleep anymore, and that i have no desire to go anywhere or do anything...but instead of putting 2 and 2 together and realizing something is wrong she just continues to add to it...she continues to bitch at me about how bad my habits are and how i never do anything...
then of course there's the whole no relationship thing...i'm still completely in love with the idiot...and his whore is leaving for some job far away for several months without him!...but im a fool to think he'll come back...he left me for her in the 1st place...i wish...i dont know what i wish...i wish things had never changed, i wish things will change...oh nevermind...
i feel like not getting online anymore, or going to work, or even getting out of bed...but if i stop doing these things my life will get worse...
my mind is all over the place...i cant keep this train of thought going..so i'm just gonna end this now...maybe someday i'll actually be able to describe whats wrong and how i feel...
