i dunno why...but i've just been getting random urges to cry...honestly things are far from stressful right now...my job is the same as ever...i have no health issues...i dont have a car but the bus is sufficing for now...i dont have a significant other that i need to worry about...only person i'm concerned about right now is my best friend b/c he mother is dying of cancer...generally i'm numb to most of the shit going on around me...
so why is it that alls i wanna do is sit down and have a good cry?....i feel the way dane cook describes it in one of his skits...if u've heard it u know what i mean...
sure, some of my other friends have blown me off...but i've come to expect that from everyone...complete disregard...a total lack of interest or care in how i'm doing...yes, its a sad concept but its something i've always dealt with so it no longer phases me...
maybe i'm missing something...just seems like since the ex fiance left over a yr ago i've become cursed...i repel everything and everyone no matter how much i try to draw them in...i have this insanely bad desire for a connection but lack the ability or chance (and yes, i know there are a couple of guys on here who would love the chance but distance is not something i can deal with)...i just want to have contact with someone yet i cant stand people touching me lately...
i laugh and joke and play around like everything's fine...sometimes i get a bit overbearing b/c i'm making up for the lack of enthusiasm i'm actually feeling...but all in all i'm pretty mellow...somehow it doesnt seem like the right way to be...
but let me end this...before i say more and make things worse...maybe a good night's sleep is all i really need...i'm a tough cookie..i can handle this...
