This has been a long time coming and it looks like she will be gone from here in a few short weeks. She has been fighting her cancer since December 2005. It started in her breasts and now is in her stomach,liver,lungs and god knows where else. The dr has given her 3-4 wks to live.
My mom died of cancer which started in her cervix and uterus and eventually went to her lungs and wrapped around her spinal cord which paralyzed her right before she died. I watched my mom died when I was just 8 yrs old. After she died I was in denial for a few years that she was really gone. I knew but I didnt want to believe it.
I am going to NC to see my grandma one more time. I dont want to go after she's gone, to see her laying in that casket. I want to remember all the wonderful things about her. I want to hug her one more time, and tell her thank you for being the kick ass grandma that she was. When I was down and out, she was the one in my corner telling me I was better than that. She picked me up when I was down.
And she filled that spot in my heart that was left behind after my mom died. She loved all of us unconditionally. I always joked with my cousins and siblings that I was her favorite. She would always tell me that she loved me more because I had to grow up without a mom and endure years of abuse. She went out of her way to make things brighter in my life.
I will cry in private about this. I dont want anyone to see me cry. Not many have as I hold it in. There's been a few that have seen my tears, and I trust those people. I always feel weak when I cry anyway. I'm glad she is leaving this place. Her suffering is going to be over and I know she will be in heaven taking care of my angel babies for me. She is finally getting her wish to be with my mom once again. I kinda envy her. *sigh*
