Yup, me writing again. I decided to write more. I have so many things going on on my life now(not physically though, everything seems stagnant from outside), im discovering soo many things about myself. And I have to let these out in a way I can. I had 2 options: the first one is to try and write new songs. Since emotionally im totally full, I thought it would be a good idea. But, I totally dont like the songs Ive done so far in 10 years, I assumed I would not like these now either. So I had to go with the second option:Writing.
On with the realizations. I realized lately, that I am afraid. Not of things. Im just afraid. Hard to tell. All my life ive been someone who tried to do the right things and masked it in chivalry, tried to minimize the risks masking it in being cautious. Which, all in all, makes one think hes a good person. It is quite a hard thing to realize, deep down, Im just afraid to take risks, and Im just afraid to do what I want...The funny thing is, I masked it sooo well, I fooled myself. ie: if 10 guys are after my friend, I will stand with him till the end(been there, done that). Because it was the right thing to do right? I had no excuse..Still no remorse though..
As an engineer, we have a simple problem solving algorithm. The 0th step is to understand IF there is a problem. The 1st step is identify the problem. So yeah, I am in the first step. I will work on the rest... Meanwhile, I am trying to realize what I become..
