How to Be Alpha Submissive without Hardly Trying
Just about every one I've been reading using the phrase "alpha submissive" uses it to mean the submissive at the top of a heap of other submissives. But alpha comes from within, not from without. If you are not in a poly relationship, you may still be alpha in your submissiveness.
1. Speak your mind. Sing it. Gesture, use semaphore, write...but always express yourself coherently, completely, and cogently. Do not waffle, hedge, prevaricate, filibuster, or manipulate.
2. Maintain yourself as an individual FIRST and a partner SECOND. That way, when you're between partners, or you choose not to be with anyone, you have no loss of self-identity. But then, if you can choose not to be with anyone, you may already be alpha.
3. Don't form the habit (or break it if this post comes too late) of automatically wondering "what would my dominant think?" Know how YOU feel about a thing first, THEN consider him. And don't change your mind if you think you're right. Instead, agreeing to disagree works pretty well.
4. Say what you want, say when you want it, and say how you want it done. Then, because life means that you probably won't get it all exactly the way you want, decide ahead of time what you're willing to settle for. And don't budge without very, very good reason. Your reason can definitely be "he'd really like X," though.
5. When people around you call you "smart ass submissive" or "switchy," or say to you insultingly "You sure you're really a sub?", correct them. Don't just smile and ignore it, or smile and tolerate it, or smile and ANYTHING. Correct them. Then you can smile, a self-satisfied, proud smile that says "I know exactly who I am, and you will never really understand."
6. Instead your assertiveness overbalancing your submissiveness, let your submissiveness enhance your assertiveness...for the right partner.
6a. Have pride in yourself.
7. Never negotiate down.
8. Be into yourself in a very healthy way. Put your own well being first. Respect your body. Respect others and their opinions but don't lie back for anyone who doesn't meet your high ethical, moral, intellectual, behavioral standards. We alpha submissives bring a lot to the table and we demand and expect a lot. That's our right. See above, "never negotiate down."
9. Value yourself. Value yourself highly, in fact, and not because your partner or your mother thinks you're great. Value yourself because you are a child of the universe, and you deserve it, and you have earned it, and if you are not valued, walk the fuck out and don't look back. A dominant who doesn't already value you for who you are will never value you. Don't waste your time.
9a. Don't take crap from anyone. Not your kids, not your boss, not your dog, and definitely not your dom. (Cats are a different story.)
10. Cry if you need to. And then act.
posted by: Seeker Of Wisdom
