Jinxd's blog: "How Random Can I Get ?"

T’was the night after payday, When all throught the house The creatures were stirring, looking for mouse The pasties were hung from the titties with care, In hopes that big tippers soon would be there. The patrons were nestled all snug in their chairs, While visions of g-strings danced in their heads; Me in my leather, happy and cheer Had just settled down for a ten dollar beer, When out on the stage there arose such a clatter, I sprang from my chair to see what was the matter. Away to the stage I flew like a flash, Ripped open my wallet and pulled out some cash. The spotlight above illuminates below Show silicone objects for us to behold, When, what to my wondering eyes should appear, But a miniature limo, and eight shapely round rears, With a flashy old driver, so lively and quick, I knew in a moment it must be Pimp Nick. More rapid than eagles his dancers they came, And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name; "Now, DONNA! now, DANCER! now, _PAULA and VIXEN! On, CARMEN! on CUPID , on DEE-DEE and BRITTON! To the top of the stage! to the top of the pole! Now strip away! strip away! strip away all! As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly, When they met with the pole, they mount to the sky, So up the main stage like eagles they flew, With the bag full of props, and Pimp Nicholas too. And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the stage The prancing and pawning of ho's in their cage As I drew a 5 in my hand, and was turning around, Down the catwalk Pimp Nicholas came with a bound. He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot, And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot; A bundle of bills he had flung on his back, Some 20’s, some 50’s just pulled from VIXEN’S crack. His eyes -- how they twinkled! his dancers how merry! Ass cheeks like roses, crotch smells like cherry! His droll little nose was drawn up like a bow, And the lines on his mirror were as white as the snow; The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth, And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath; He had a thick necklace and a shiny gold tooth, His posse was many, they filled up a booth. He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old playa, And I asked when I saw him, “do you mind if I staya?” A wink of his eye and a twist of his head, Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread; He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work, And filled all the ho’s stockings; then turned with a jerk, And laying his finger aside of his nose, Inhaling quite deeply, the blow quickly rose; He sprang to his feet, to his girls gave the sign, “No tags on the limo, you gonna pay the fine? Bitch.” But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight, “HAPPY STRIP-OFF TO ALL, AND TO ALL A GOOD-NIGHT.” Ho! Ho! Ho!

As I stand my knees go weak as you kiss me until my nerve endings are on fire, I want to drown in the way you surround me as you take my clothes off me kissing as you go, you then lay me down on the bed. Your hands run unchecked all over my body, learning every curve and hollow. You start kissing my neck and work slowly down my chest , going to each side to leave kisses on each of my breasts. Your tounge darting to each peak, teasing me until I can't stand it. I arch my back trying to get closer to you, but you keep moving further away. Your breath is hot on my skin, goosebumps cover my bare skin as you get closer to it. Your hands slide down my sides, working down to my knees as you slide to the inside of my thighs. They move closer to my center, but not quite touching yet. You start kissing down my stomach, working closer to where your hands are, my back arches high and my knees part hoping to feel you touch me. You move to place your body between my legs and run your tounge from my knees up, just barely touching my skin but its like electricity. I am aware of every cell of my body,my breathing is getting faster as you near my center. You stop short, look up at me and smile with that look in your eyes that makes my heart skip a few beats. You grab my hips and turn me over , you move my hair out of the way and start kissing the back of my neck as you sit straddling my hips. You sit up and run your hands from the back of my neck over my shoulders, your hands are so large they cover almost my whole back. You lightly caress my sides, just brushing the sides of my breasts as you go ever so slowly. I can feel the rush of heat between my legs as I grow wet with anticipation. I feel like I am going to burst into flames soon yet at the same time it feels as if ice is running through my veins. You scoot further down my legs around my knees as you kiss my back, working your way to my hips with your mouth. As you reach the mound of my buttocks you run your fingers between my thighs, just grazing my center making me want to cry out but I bite my lip and stifle it, afraid that you will stop if I make any other sound. You run your tounge down the back of my leg to my knee where you kiss each one. You slowly lower yourself to lay on me and whisper in my ear "I want to please you in every way imaginable before I am done", you touch my face so gently as you turn me to look at you. You turn me to you and kiss me softly as you look into my eyes then whisper "I love you" as you kiss me again. to be continued ..??

So there I was in Walmart this eveing with my kid and we decided to get the little dog some treats, we buy some milk bones and wag them ALL the way home. She brings the dog inside and tries to feed him one of the treats, NO DICE! He ain't trying to hear that noise. He leaves the treat laying on the floor, as he jumps up on her bed I tell her to try to give it to him again. Still nothing. This is starting to get me hot, I spent all that money buying the damn treats and the dog loooks at me like I'm on crack for wanting him to eat them. I tell the dog Scooter ( yes I talked to the dog!) I tell him " I bet if I rubbed one of those treats on yer ass you would eat it!" I tell the kiddo " reach over there and rub one on his butt and see what he does". The little bastard ATE IT! I was sitting there in amazement... I tell her to try it again, same results.HE ATE IT! I wanted to throw up in my mouth a little... that was just gross. So yeah, I just had to share a little of my day with you folks, and if you ever run across something that you are trying to give the dog that he aint trying to eat , try rubbing it on his ass and see what happens. Dollar says the dog will eat. I'm out!

God would like to thank you for your belief and patronage. In order to better serve your needs, He asks that you take a few moments to answer the following questions. Please keep in mind that your responses will be kept completely confidential, and that you need not disclose your name or address unless you prefer a direct response to comments or suggestions. 1. How did you find out about God? Newspaper Bible Torah Book of Mormon Koran Other Book Television Divine Inspiration Word of mouth Dead Sea scrolls My mama done tol' me Near Death Experience National Public Radio Tabloid Burning Shrubbery Who? Other (specify): 2. Which model God did you acquire? Yahweh Jehovah Allah Just plain God Krishna Father, Son & Holy Ghost (Trinity Pak) Zeus and entourage (Olympus Pak) Odin and entourage (Valhalla Pak) Gaia/Mother Earth/Mother Nature None of the above; I was taken in by a false god 3. Did your God come to you undamaged, with all parts in good working order and with no obvious breakage or missing attributes? Yes No If no, please describe the problems you initially encountered here. (Please check all that apply.) Not eternal Not omniscient Not omnipotent Finite in space/Does not occupy or inhabit the entire universe Permits sex outside of marriage Prohibits sex outside of marriage Makes mistakes (Geraldo Rivera, Jesse Helms) When beseeched, doesn't stay beseeched Requires burnt offerings Requires virgin sacrifices Plays dice with the universe 4. What factors were relevant in your decision to acquire a God? (Please check all that apply.) Indoctrinated by parents Needed a reason to live Indoctrinated by society Needed target for rage Imaginary friend grew up Hate to think for self Wanted to meet girls/boys Fear of death To piss off parents Needed a day away from work Enjoy organ music Needed focus on whom to despise Needed to feel morally superior Graduated from the tooth fairy My shrubbery caught fire and told me to do it 5. Are you currently using any other source of inspiration in addition to God? (Please check all that apply.) Self-help books Tarot, Astrology Star Trek re-runs Fortune cookies Ann Landers Psychic Friends Network Dianetics Cold fusion Playboy and/or Playgirl Sex, Drugs, and Rock & Roll Biorhythms Area 57 (Art Bell) EST Television Mantras Jimmy Swaggart Crystals (not including Crystal Gayle) Human Sacrifice Wandering around in desert Burning shrubbery Other: 6. Have you ever worshiped a false God before? Is so, which false God were you fooled by? (Please check all that apply.) Odin Cthulhu Lottery Baal Beelzebub The Almighty Dollar The Conservative Right Mick Jagger Bill Gates Art Bell The Great Pumpkin Ronald Reagan A burning cabbage Mushrooms Other: 7. God employs a limited degree of Divine Intervention to preserve the balanced level of felt presence and blind faith. Would you prefer (circle one only) a. More Divine Intervention b. Less Divine Intervention c. Current level of Divine Intervention is just right d. Don't know - what's Divine Intervention? 8. God also attempts to maintain a balanced level of disasters and miracles. Please rate on a scale of 1 to 5 God's handling of the following: (1 unsatisfactory, 5 excellent) Disasters: 1 2 3 4 5 Flood 1 2 3 4 5 Famine 1 2 3 4 5 Earthquake 1 2 3 4 5 War 1 2 3 4 5 Pestilence 1 2 3 4 5 Plague 1 2 3 4 5 AOL 1 2 3 4 5 Republican Congress 1 2 3 4 5 Dubya 1 2 3 4 5 My present relationship 1 2 3 4 5 My last relationship Miracles: 1 2 3 4 5 Rescues 1 2 3 4 5 Spontaneous remissions 1 2 3 4 5 Crying statues 1 2 3 4 5 Water changing to wine 1 2 3 4 5 Walking on water 1 2 3 4 5 Stars hovering over towns 1 2 3 4 5 VCRs that set their own clocks 1 2 3 4 5 Clear and competent statements by the President 1 2 3 4 5 My present relationship 1 2 3 4 5 My last relationship 9. Please rate the following on a scale of 1 to 5 (1 unsatisfactory, 5 excellent): 1 2 3 4 5 God's Courtesy 1 2 3 4 5 Answers to your prayers 1 2 3 4 5 Are your spiritual needs being met? 1 2 3 4 5 How are your shrubs doing? 10. Do you have any additional comments or suggestions for improving the quality of God's services? (Attach additional sheet(s) if necessary.) Disclaimer: This is a joke, only a joke. If you were offended by this, sorry about that!!

Thinking of how it would be to see you again, face to face, that first touch, the first kiss, the first time I get to look in your eyes. You are standing close to me , you move in closer, running your hands up the sides of my body, over my shoulders, along my throat, then you cup my face in your hands. Its all very slow and smooth, then your mouth is on mine, taking its own sweet time. My hands are gripping your hips, my fingers digging in to pull you closer to me. Your fingers thread back into my hair as you nip at my bottom lip. My breath is caught, the tone of the kiss has changed from flirty to flashing heat in a moment. Warning bells are going off in my head , telling me to slow this down or I might just lose myself but my ears are deaf to them as I lose myself to your touch. Everything inside me sparks. Blood, bone and brain. With your hands clenched in my hair I feel a stirring of power and anxiety that was as potent as any drug. I tug your shirt out of your waistband wanting to feel your skin, explore every inch of you I can reach. Your hand reaches up and touches my breast and I gasp as my heart tips into your palm. I want to make love to you, to feel you move under my hands and my lips. I want to leave none of you unexplored. I look up into your eyes and my heart shudders in my chest, it feels like the whole world just fell away and there are only the two of us left. Anger , need and fear are pumping through my heart ,all the way to my very soul. Anger because I promised I would never open my heart like this to another person, need because it feels like I will never live again if I were to lose the way this feels, fear because fate might strip me of you much too soon. I don't want this moment to end. I bring my lips to yours and I can feel the heat between us growing with every breath. My hands slide down your chest slowly, feeling the silkiness of the hair there , sliding down further I feel myself dropping to my knees and kissing along the lines of your stomach.I wrap my arms around you and pull you close , breathing in the scent that is yours alone. Williing it tosurround me and I pull at the button at the top of your jeans, sliding down the zipper and placing kisses on each inch of skin as it is exposed. I can't even think anymore, pure animal instinct takes over as I slide your jeans lower and you are standing like a Greek god before me. I can't resist running my hands back up to your chest just to feel all the way back down again. I feel like time has stopped for us, allowing me to give you as much pleasure as I can. You are so hard now, I can feel you tremble as I breathe on you, so close yet not touching. I run my tounge along the underside of your manhood stopping just behind the top to blow lightly. I can't hold out any longer, I take all of you in my mouth and slowly run my tounge all over you, sucking gently.You reach down and run your hands through my hair as you pull me closer as you start moving your hips. I hear your breath catch as I take all you in, my face pressed against you. I slowly pull back then go all the way back again over and over. I know you are reaching your peak, I can feel you contracting and I back off, wanting to prolong it. You reach down and cup my face in your hands as pull me to my feet and kiss me. You wrap your arms around me and pull me close, your hands rubbing over my back. My heart feels as if there is a vice around it, aching with want for you. ** Tell me, does it need to be continued ? **

Hush Little Witch Hush little baby don't you squall Momma's gonna buy you a crystal ball And if you still can't see beyond Momma's gonna buy you a magic wand And if that wand don't change your fate Momma's gonna teach you to levitate And if the astral makes you sick Momma's gonna buy you an incense stick And if that frankincense smells rank Mom'll buy a sensory deprivation tank And if that tank don't float your bones Momma's gonna buy you some some precious stones And if those gems don't ease your heart Momma's gonna buy you a natal chart And if your planets go berserk Momma's gonna buy you some bodywork And if your aura still needs kneading Momma's gonna buy you a past life reading And if your destiny stays hid Momma's gonna buy you a pyramid And if your chakras still feel stressed Momma's gonna take you on a vision quest And if power animals don't come to charm ya Sorry, kid, it's just your karma!

Do you feel that ? That feeling of no return. It is a thousand kisses at once , the purity of the first and the heartbreak of the last. When you look at me with love in your eyes I cannot speak, my heart is in my throat. It beats so loud I can hear nothing of the world around me. When you hold me close to you I feel your arms sheltering me from the world. From the moment I looked into your eyes, I knew. I knew that you would be in my heart forever. The tears are gathering in my eyes . All of the hurt of the past whisked away with just your words. I remember our days together , they fill my head. They consume me when you are so far away. You know all of my secrets without ever asking . You make me feel like I can be whole again The most talented poet could never find the words to describe you. There are no words for what you have done for my soul. You make me feel as though I have pleased the Gods, they are thanking me every day that you are in my life. Your scent surrounds me when I sleep, warming me to my very depths. If my dying act was to kiss your lips I would go to Heaven a happy woman. I would sing your praises to the angels for eternity. You have given hope where there was none. You have given me the will to believe that I am loved. I see the sunset and sunrise of the rest of my years when I look into your eyes. The words " I love you " are too simple to describe what I feel for you. Don't ever try to change who you are, you are perfect to me.

The moment before your lips touched mine, the breath we shared . The moment you looked at me with your heart in your eyes, so pure and open to me . The moment your skin touched mine, the heat of need between us like an open flame . The moment you stroked my face so gently, like the kiss of Heaven's fairest angel . The moment I knew in my heart that I loved you, and I could never look back to a time when I didn't . The moment you first said you loved me, and I knew that it was true . These are the moments I will relate to the angels in Valhalla, they will know that I lived the moments that meant the most to me. It will not be a life wasted because of all the moments I share with you, all the unspoken words said with a touch or a look exchanged .