I have been feeling the strong effects of depression setting in. I fought it at first with anger, then tried to ignore it, but I feel that it is taking over. I find myself uninterested in a lot of things, things that used to make me laugh or even smile. I find myself staring out the window a lot, watching the world go by like I am not part of it.
I have been trying to fight this for a long time. I used to be on meds for it, but thought I could control it without them so stopped taking them. I haven't felt this low in a very long time and I can't stand it.
I know a lot of my friends think they know what is wrong and what is causing me to feel this way, but they are only partly right. While I appreciate their talks and concerns, it is just another thing I am losing interest in. I know my problems could be a lot worse, but at the same time, they are the worst for me. I will not go into detail of all the problems I have, so I am sorry if I seem a bit vague.
I could sit here and list most of my feelings, but I am not looking for pity, or understanding so it makes no difference at this point. I don't want anyone to worry, I am not suicidal by any means, but I feel myself crawling into my own brain and the last time this happened, I didn't speak to ANYONE for over a month. I don't by any means want this to happen again, but I can see it going that way.
I don't mind if you try to talk to me, but just don't be upset if you get little out of me. This is something I have to work through on my own and I would hate to make anyone feel as if I'm not appreciative of their concerns.
Hopefully I will be able to fight this off on my own. I guess I didn't realize it was getting bad again until my mom pointed it out. I know she worries about me a lot, but I wish she wouldn't. I am more apt to hurt myself mentally and emotionally than I am physically. And for now, I am done explaining. Just don't be surprised if you are a regular at reading my blogs to see some stuff...Writing it all down always makes me feel a little better, and since i spend a lot of time on the computer, this is probably where it will be. I may mark some of it family or self only.
