HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR 2029
Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world: Mexifornia;
White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's third language.
Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.
Baby conceived naturally! Scientists stumped!
Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage
Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years for radioactivity to decrease to safe levels.
France pleads for global help after being invaded by Jamaica. No other countries come forward to help.
Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.
George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.
U.S. Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.
85-year $75.8 billion study: Diet and exercise are the keys to weight loss.
Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.
Global cooling blamed for citrus crop failure for third consecutive year in Mexifornia and Floruba.
Free abortion clinics now available in every High School in United States.
Senate still blocking drilling in ANWR even though regular gas is selling for 4532 pesos per liter and filling stations are open only on Tuesdays and Fridays.
Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.
Supreme Court rules punishment of convicted criminals violates their civil rights.
Average height of NBA players is now nine feet, seven inches.
New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2030.
IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.
Floruba voters still having trouble with voting machines.
