Top signs you're a drunken bastard:
- You frequently urinate outdoors.
- You first wake up and you're afraid you're gonna die and a half hour later you're afraid you won't.
- You fall asleep taken a dump.
- You believe that spilling a beer is Alcohol abuse.
- You go to the john to hurl, but you take your beer with you.
- Find its easier to study drunk
- You're on a first name basis at the detoxification center
- Beer ads make sense.
- You wake up to the sound of your dog drinking out of the toilet, and you are so dry that it sounds mighty thrist quenching.
- You wake the next moring and start drinking a few of the half empties left sitting around the room.
- The space on your drivers license that tells your eye color reads "bloodshot".
- You fall down a flight of steps and DON'T spill a drop of your beer.
- You need to take witnesses with you to confession because you can't exactly remember what you did and the priest wouldn't believe you anyway.
- You mix your coctails by the liter.
- You grow a beard because it stops beer thats running down your chin.
- You put off urinating in hopes of reaching that near orgasmic zen like piss.
- You wake up in the gutter, spit our several broken teeth, haul yourself to your feet, brush yourself off, and think "Shit, this is no way for a Bishop to behave..."
- You explain to your bank manager that you speant your overdraft "mainly on beer and women; the rest I just wasted".
- When the bottle says 20 standard drinks but you only get 5.
- You spell Alcohol with a capital letter out of respect.
- You wake up the night after a party to put your clothes on and there aren't any.
- You find yourself saying "Honesly occifer I only hads tree bears tonight!" while snickering at his funny hat.
